I hate my new home

[Cottagewitch]

We moved house 6 months ago and I absolutely loath the new place. I loved it when we viewed it, and we knew it needed a lot of work and I was quite looking forward to a project. However it was as if during the six months it took for the conveyancing to conclude the previous owner really let the place go. Although dated and needing some repairs, when we viewed it was at least clean and functional and looked like it was loved and lived in. Not so when we moved in. By then the previous owners had filled the place with rubbish and left it all for us. They clearly hadn’t cleaned since they stopped taking viewings as the filth was unbelievable. The smell in the kitchen was horrific and nothing seemed to shift it. We discovered the cooker didn’t work. The washing machine they kindly left was broken. The shower didn’t work. Nor did the boiler. It was honestly like it had turned into a different house. The removal men were shocked and said they’d never seen so much rubbish left behind. Myself and my husband cried, and he never cries. Six months later and I have worked non stop aside the tradesmen 8 hours a day. It’s been my full time job. Every room has been replastered, we’ve replaced rotten floors, replaced the kitchen and bathroom. It’s almost finished inside now. Yet I still absolutely hate it. It just fills me with a really horrible oppressive sense of doom. I get odd days where I like it again but I feel like the whole thing was tainted by the mess left for us and the fighting with the previous owners to come and clear all the old furniture and the rubbish. I just can’t seem to get over the feeling of revulsion I have even now it’s all pretty much done up. It’s much bigger than our last house, we needed more space, it’s exactly what I wanted on paper: a period house (1600s) in a rural location. So why does it still not feel like home? It has me in such a state of depression.

My goodness! I'm sorry to hear that, it must have been something really bad. I think I'll give myself a year and see how I feel once all the work has ended.

This is gorgeous OP. You’re pouring your own energy into the bones of the house and you will feel it reflecting back soon.

Do you think you rushed the reno job? It sounds like it needed a good clean up etc but it is hard to really know a house straight away so it might be that some of your work jars (sorry). We are living with grotty bath, no carpets, temp kitchen and everything else while we work through what we want. It can be frustrating but will be worth it.

I suggest taking time to reflect and see if there are remedial changes to be made

Have a house warming, invite friends over to admire the changes. You’ll be looking at the new work you’ve done through eyes that are tired and energy that’s been drained after all the rubbish you’ve literally had to deal with.

I luckily didn’t have rubbish left over but had nightmares with builders doing renovations etc and just saw it as a noose around my neck for eons, but that changed when I had happy memories of friends over, etc and now I’m gutted to be selling it!!

Also if you’ve taken before and after pics, grab a drink, sit down, chill with your other half and admire the sheer amount of work you’ve done.

I felt like you when we moved to our current house last year. We are hoping to start serious renovations this week. It has taken me twelve months to start to feel like I live here. I commented to my husband the other day that it is finally starting to smell like our house. I agree with the person who said they needed a year of doing their celebrations although ours have all felt weird because we’ve been waiting to start work so nothing “goes” but I’m finally happier here. I hope you will be too.

Hi OP, I know this is an old thread but was just wondering if you had started to feel any better? In a similar position and have been given lots of lovely advice similar to you, but was interested to see if it worked out for you in the end?

Hi @Undone21 ! Four months have passed and I have to say I feel a good deal better. There's still things getting to me (seem to unearth a new problem that needs fixed every day) but I definitely don't feel the level of hatred I did.

Have you only recently moved? We moved last October and honestly since the summer arrived it really really helped as I was able to properly get on top of the garden which was a disaster area and horrendous to look out on and now it's looking quite pleasant and the amount of different birds and butterflies have been lovely. I think also, as people suggested on here, actually having visitors come so we could make some good memories has made a difference.

What is it you don't like about yours? With me I think a lot of it boiled down to it being a real fixer upper and it's now reached the stage where the work is almost all done. I think the last owners left some seriously bad vibes and getting rid of all their stuff decor wise also made it feel a bit more like our home. We only just got rid of the last bit of carpet that was theirs (and so ugly) this week and the feel like that's the last bit of them gone.

so yeah I'd say the things that helped have been: putting our own stamp on it, the summer, and making memories now we've had all summer and a years worth of occasions and their related celebrations. Also as we'd moved to a new area away from everyone we know that didn't help how I was feeling but I've since made some lovely new friends in the village too which has helped my whole outlook.

Oh that’s brilliant news; I’m pleased. I know how awful it is when you hate your home. Yes, similiar situation, definitely a fixer upper but we don’t have the funds to do anything but the basic stuff ie new bathroom, new kitchen, skimming a few walls. Long story and this property was not the one for us but all we could get!

can I ask what work you had done? Did you have structural work or was it cosmetic only? Currently living with hideous woodchip Wallpaper and bare walls in some rooms after stripping paper

@Undone21 we needed loads doing. As well as all the cosmetic work we had to remove all the floor in the kitchen and parts of the living room due to the joists being rotted. Kitchen wasn't even functional so we had a few months of cooking on a gas camping stove and the microwave. Ceilings in the kitchen, living room and dining room had to be completely reboarded and replastered. Lots of rooms needed re plastering. New kitchen and bathroom. We had to get loads of tree work done as you literally couldn't see there even was a house from the street which also made it really dark and oppressive inside. New patio doors too as they were so rotted they were stuck shut. So quite a lot, which we did know about going into it, but there was some unexpected issues like wood worm and some damp too.

I coped with it all by having one room that I made nice that's been like a little sanctuary through it. The loft had been recently converted and was the only part of the house that didn't need any work other than a lick of paint. I just made that all cosy, had our Christmas tree up there etc and it really helped. Basically lived in the loft for six months 😅Do you have one space you can focus on to really make your own while you gradually deal with the rest?

oh and I know about the woodchip- I left it in the hall and painted over it for now as I just can't deal with it 🤣

@Undone21 I really do hope you start to feel better about it. I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, it's a truly horrible place to be. You'll be able to make it your own and once you've had time to make memories you'll hopefully start to associate your new place with good things.

Thank you, sounds very similar to our house. Like I said the advice you have given is the same as lots of other lovely posters have given me; I think it’s just hard to see through to the other side of it! And I feel like the place is contaminated with the filth and stink of the previous owners even though I have cleaned!

we are all piled into one room at the moment while we have the living room plastered and painted but hopefully that can be a bit of a sanctuary once we have that sorted which I’m hoping will help!

Get your bedroom ready first a place to chill out, peace of mind - then the majors bathrooms and kitchen, the rest will be easy - use a room, a bedroom that is pretty empty to relax away from the work etc - we did it years ago and loved what we created it was worth it

Btw - at times its best to tear out and start again we did that, better and cheaper longer run

@Undone21 Oh god I can sympathise with the smell and the filth. We were the same- the smell and the dirt where horrendous. That part we were not expecting as it wasn't like that when we viewed, it somehow happened in the six months it took to complete. I think they just stopped cleaning and started chucking rubbish everywhere once they knew they were moving out.

I totally understand - and honestly I think it’s a mild form of PTSD. When we moved into our house I was so shocked at how much it had been left to rot since we viewed it I cried for weeks on end. When I look back at how unhappy I was I can see it was just due to the shock. Now a year on it’s still a bit raw, and you aren’t even that far along. Give it a bit of time more and don’t be hard on yourself xx

Sounds like my home! Filthy. Left so much rubbish that we’ve just shoved it in the barn to deal with another day. We have no money left to do what we thought needed doing to the house as we had to do things like gut the kitchen because they were hiding mould behind furniture and an ongoing leak they hadn’t fixed had caused lots of damage.
I love where I live, the house is growing on me!