I hate my new home

[Cottagewitch]

We moved house 6 months ago and I absolutely loath the new place. I loved it when we viewed it, and we knew it needed a lot of work and I was quite looking forward to a project. However it was as if during the six months it took for the conveyancing to conclude the previous owner really let the place go. Although dated and needing some repairs, when we viewed it was at least clean and functional and looked like it was loved and lived in. Not so when we moved in. By then the previous owners had filled the place with rubbish and left it all for us. They clearly hadn’t cleaned since they stopped taking viewings as the filth was unbelievable. The smell in the kitchen was horrific and nothing seemed to shift it. We discovered the cooker didn’t work. The washing machine they kindly left was broken. The shower didn’t work. Nor did the boiler. It was honestly like it had turned into a different house. The removal men were shocked and said they’d never seen so much rubbish left behind. Myself and my husband cried, and he never cries. Six months later and I have worked non stop aside the tradesmen 8 hours a day. It’s been my full time job. Every room has been replastered, we’ve replaced rotten floors, replaced the kitchen and bathroom. It’s almost finished inside now. Yet I still absolutely hate it. It just fills me with a really horrible oppressive sense of doom. I get odd days where I like it again but I feel like the whole thing was tainted by the mess left for us and the fighting with the previous owners to come and clear all the old furniture and the rubbish. I just can’t seem to get over the feeling of revulsion I have even now it’s all pretty much done up. It’s much bigger than our last house, we needed more space, it’s exactly what I wanted on paper: a period house (1600s) in a rural location. So why does it still not feel like home? It has me in such a state of depression.

[Fleahag]

Oh I'm so sorry. I think in time it'll fade away. You've just gone through a traumatic upsetting move and it will take time to adjust. Our forever home (hopefully) took 2 years for it to feel like ours.
If you can afford it get some counselling.
Otherwise just have more time for pleasure rather than DIY.

[Fleahag]

It's awful what they've done but maybe think about why and how sad their lives must've been for it to get like that. Maybe they have a death in the family, crippling illness or ageing dementia suffering parents, severe SEN kids, lost their jobs etc .... and change the feeling of anger to feeling sorry for them.

[Goldpaw]

You may get used to it, and over time the feelings you have may fade away, and eventually you find you love it.

So, I'd try and be positive and give it a year. If your feelings haven't changed then put it on the market and move again.

[cloudylemonade13]

That's such a shame you feel like that but totally understandable given that you've not really had a chance to properly live in it yet and it's obviously been a really stressful time - give it a few months now you've finished decorating and slowly it will begin to feel more like 'yours' and you'll also begin to forget how awful it was when you first moved in.

[BlueKaftan]

Burn some sage and go through each room, spending time and giving it tlc. It deserves to be loved again!

[Sunnierdays]

You need to make peace with your house! We have a period house and the amount of work is unbelievable, I am constantly cleaning and tidying it but it never seems to look how I want it ( unrealistic expectations). You need to start making the house a home , invite some friends over, light lots of candles and have a few drinks!! Start enjoying the garden and think of the progress you have made and think how you are giving a new lease of life to a house which has been neglected! It sounds in a lovely location btw !

[Crocky]

Can you pick small details that you do like and concentrate on these to start with?
I love cut flowers in a room and plants. They make a place feel welcoming.
Hopefully when the sun starts to shine the whole place will just feel more welcoming and you will slowly lose that feeling.

[VintageGibbon]

I will risk sounding completely bonkers here, but I would give it a house blessing ceremony. If you are of a faith, you can ask a local cleric to do it for a small fee or donation. If not, have your own dippy, hippy version. This is to exorcise the horrible memories of the state they left the house in and to make it yours. Some people burn sage (it makes me nauseous) but you could light loads of candles, bring lots of fresh flowers into the house, burn incense if you like it, and walk from room to room, opening windows to let out the old, and placing candles and fresh flowers to bring in the new.

You can also create little corners or altars to things you love doing that are focal points in each area. So if you love reading, create a cosy place to curl up with a great chair and soft throw, cushions, a side table with a lamp and small pile of good books. If you are all sporty, create a neat organised area in your hallway where sports equipment is displayed, ready to be used. Etc.

Bit by bit, reclaim the house. Focus a lot on the front door too so that it invites you in and really feels yours with outdoor lighting and planting that welcomes you and isn't a reminder in any way of the previous owners.

Think of the house like a rescue pet,. Poor sod having been neglected by the previous owners.

And on a practical note, have a word with the solicitors. People who don't clear their stuff could be in breach of contract and fined for any expense incurred by you (skip hire etc.)

[Crocky]

What about showing us some of the things that you have done to it or sharing with friends and family. See it through other peoples eyes?

[fuckoffImcounting]

I moved into a house full of rubbish with horrible bits of DIY and no plaster on the wood panelled walls. I hated it for the first couple of years but its lovely now - everyone says its a great house.

[areallthenamesusedup]

Could you concentrate getting one room sorted. So you have Obe room that is sanctuary and lovely and reminds you of the long term benefits off the house. When so much is going on it can be overwhelming.

[pictish]

I can sympathise with you. When we bought our house the current/previous owner wrangled over the pettiest of things during the process, left a fuckton of old crap behind and stripped the place of anything useful including the bannister, lightbulbs and the dishwasher that was agreed as part of the sale. Once we moved in, the extent of their botch job DIY attempts became expensively clear. Her measly, peevish, selfish, disagreeable incompetence permeated the place for ages souring what should have been an exciting new chapter as a family.

We've been in the house for 13 years now and it entirely feels like home. Honestly I think it even took a couple of years for her stink to fade but fade it did. Hang on in there. Xx

[2bazookas]

All those ate temporary short tem glitches.

. The sale conditions by your lawyer should have included "boiler in working condition" . Otherwise, immediately report to your conveyance lawyer to sort out.
Then dump the rubbish and do a thorough clean.

I don't understand why this is still an issue 6 months later.

[TurquoiseSwirl]

@Crocky

What about showing us some of the things that you have done to it or sharing with friends and family. See it through other peoples eyes?

I like this idea.
although maybe set yourself a deadline, see how you feel in 12months and if the same then sell and move on. Knowing that’s an option might make things easier.

[picklemewalnuts]

You haven't had time to make good memories there yet, just miserable slaving to clear up other people's mess ones!

You'll get there, and you'll have such a sense of pride and accomplishment.

[stuntbubbles]

You need dinner parties and kitchen discos and afternoons in the garden and friends over and all the things that make a house a home.

Also the sage smudging advice.

Plus renovation is boring and stressful and just makes a house habitable; the fun home-making bit is decoration – curtains and cushions and flowers and books.

Also you need a cat.

[NewHouseNewMe]

As you mention 1600s are the ceilings low? That can take getting used to if it’s new to you. Otherwise I agree with @stuntbubbles that you need a party and some fun to rebirth this house as yours!

[Cottagewitch]

@Fleahag

It's awful what they've done but maybe think about why and how sad their lives must've been for it to get like that. Maybe they have a death in the family, crippling illness or ageing dementia suffering parents, severe SEN kids, lost their jobs etc .... and change the feeling of anger to feeling sorry for them.

You're totally right. There's no way of knowing what might have been going on in a persons life to lead to these things happening.

[Cottagewitch]

@BlueKaftan

Burn some sage and go through each room, spending time and giving it tlc. It deserves to be loved again!

Funny you should mention it, I've gone through a lot of sage and purification incense!

[Cottagewitch]

@VintageGibbon

I will risk sounding completely bonkers here, but I would give it a house blessing ceremony. If you are of a faith, you can ask a local cleric to do it for a small fee or donation. If not, have your own dippy, hippy version. This is to exorcise the horrible memories of the state they left the house in and to make it yours. Some people burn sage (it makes me nauseous) but you could light loads of candles, bring lots of fresh flowers into the house, burn incense if you like it, and walk from room to room, opening windows to let out the old, and placing candles and fresh flowers to bring in the new.

You can also create little corners or altars to things you love doing that are focal points in each area. So if you love reading, create a cosy place to curl up with a great chair and soft throw, cushions, a side table with a lamp and small pile of good books. If you are all sporty, create a neat organised area in your hallway where sports equipment is displayed, ready to be used. Etc.

Bit by bit, reclaim the house. Focus a lot on the front door too so that it invites you in and really feels yours with outdoor lighting and planting that welcomes you and isn't a reminder in any way of the previous owners.

Think of the house like a rescue pet,. Poor sod having been neglected by the previous owners.

And on a practical note, have a word with the solicitors. People who don't clear their stuff could be in breach of contract and fined for any expense incurred by you (skip hire etc.)

I really like this reply! This is all the kind of things I am into, I've been sageing and opening windows when the weather got warmer and it's definitely made a big improvement. I'm w witch so I celebrate Beltane (May Day) so I had a big cleansing ceremony last Sunday. the attic room has sort of become my hiding space as it didn't need an awful lot of work and it has such a different vibe to the rest of the house. Everyone who visits seems to notice it's a lot more peaceful and happy. Could just be all the velux windows meaning it tends to be a lot brighter than the other floors.

[Cottagewitch]

@pictish

I can sympathise with you. When we bought our house the current/previous owner wrangled over the pettiest of things during the process, left a fuckton of old crap behind and stripped the place of anything useful including the bannister, lightbulbs and the dishwasher that was agreed as part of the sale. Once we moved in, the extent of their botch job DIY attempts became expensively clear. Her measly, peevish, selfish, disagreeable incompetence permeated the place for ages souring what should have been an exciting new chapter as a family.

We've been in the house for 13 years now and it entirely feels like home. Honestly I think it even took a couple of years for her stink to fade but fade it did. Hang on in there. Xx

Oh wow, that sounds so familiar. I genuinely just feel like the place is full of the woman's energy who used to live here and she wasn't the nicest of people. I've heard she is absolutely fuming because we cut down 'her' trees. But honesty they were enormous. There was no light getting in the house for them and three of them had blown over onto the roof by time we moved in and some of them were deemed dangerous and about to fall on the road and cause an accident. So they had to go. Local people were so happy as they can now actually walk down the path at the side which they couldn't before. Everyone has said they had no idea half of the house existed as it was so overgrown you'd never have known it was there until the complete jungle was cleared.

[myyellowcar]

Going against the grain OP, move. I bought a house that had a nasty surprise for
me when I moved in and it was horrific. Even years after it was all sorted I never felt at peace in that house, even if we did have some happy memories. Moving on was the best decision I ever made and completion day was a very happy day indeed.

[CompostMaker]

It took me a year of living in it to start to like my house. After a year I had done a few things that made nice memories (birthdays, Christmas, Easter, glasses of wine in the garden) and I had made a few friends.
just give it time OP.

[Cottagewitch]

Thank you for all your kind responses. It will get there. Like I say, it's my ideal house on paper, I think it's just the stress of a bad beginning and all this time living in a building site. I hope that now the summer is coming and the doors and the windows are open and the light is coming in it will start to feel a bit better. I really want to love it as it has so much potential and it has space for my little business I am trying to start. I think I need to stop thinking so negatively about it because really when I think logically it's absolutely fine, there's no logical reason to hate it.

[Cottagewitch]

And since you asked, here's some pictures of what the bathroom looked like versus what it looks like now. This was only finished over the last week and I think it will help as having a bath is one of my main relaxing treats which I don't feel I've had for six months as I could not relax in the horror show of what it used to be. I've been trying to keep a diary each day of daily 'house accomplishments' so I can see how far it's actually coming .