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Original poster

Moving back to London?

37 replies

bluegreenyellow123 · 14/04/2022 21:18

Hi all,

Name changed for this as it's quite identifying. DH and I moved out to Essex zone 6 during the pandemic and are contemplating a move back into London. It would be a huge expense - stamp duty is a killer, and we'd need to go interest only for 2/3ds of the mortgage to make the cost work with school fees, and live in a much less nice house.

I'm driving the move. DH is an Essex native and had family locally whilst I've struggled to make friends as moving during Covid hasn't made meeting people easy. He has a much easier commute into the City vs Mayfair for me. I'm slightly bored of the high road and I'm lonely. I don't have a single friend - after 2 years! - that I can meet for coffee without getting back on the tube.

We have a lovely house and the children are happy. Dh is a dream and does the lion's share of the childcare as i travel a lot for work and as I don't drive, he does most of the picks ups and drop offs. Plus we'd be saving a fortune by staying.

Part of me feels like I should live where he wants as he is there more. Another part of me thinks that as I have the meaningfully higher earning capacity, making it easier for me to spend more time in the office / be less tired is a good idea, plus I miss London and all our friends.

Another complicating factor is that DC7 has got into one of the finest schools in London / arguably the country (as well as an excellent one locally) and I'm so bloody torn about the whole thing.

I realise this is coming from a place of enormous privilege, but has anyone made the treck back into London after moving during the pandemic? How did you decide if it was worth the cost? It will likely mean working several years longer until retirement and I'm petrified of making the wrong call.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 14/04/2022 21:26

You want to spend all the money
Because you don't have local friends?
Surely easy enough to travel by the tube to friends? Anyways they might move

Original poster
bluegreenyellow123 · 14/04/2022 21:38

Thanks @Embracelife you're right, although they're all at least an hour away so it's a shlep. Plus i miss the galleries, restaurants, and all of it. I think the children will find where we live now very dull as teenagers as well, but a bit of teenage boredom never killed anyone. I, on the other hand, am going stir crazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluegreenyellow123 · 14/04/2022 21:39

I should add that DH is adamant about private schooling. I didn't grow up in the UK so it feels like much less of a big deal to me.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 14/04/2022 21:41

Could you join something local like choir or book club?
Does dh and d c want to move?

Katjolo · 14/04/2022 21:49

Where in zone 6 are you? The places I can think of Essex way have theatres, galleries, trendy cafes, exhibitions etc. Granted not the same as central London. But the tube makes getting into the city pretty easy.

NotMyDayJob · 14/04/2022 22:31

We did exactly thus, London > Essex zone 6 > London although back in 2016 not during the pandemic. We realised we'd moved to the Brexit heartlands and put the house on the market about two weeks after the Brexit vote. We hated it and I'd do it again, but, we didn't have kids and we knew we'd sort of break even on the move. Property prices are a very different kettle of fish now.

However, if you live where we lived, yeah I'd probably move. Do you know where in London you'd go?

Original poster
bluegreenyellow123 · 14/04/2022 22:33

We'd go to Islington - close enough to the city / kings cross / schools. How long did you live in zone 6 before you left?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluegreenyellow123 · 14/04/2022 22:34

Katjo, we are in Loughton, which has many lovely things about it but...

OP posts:
Original poster
bluegreenyellow123 · 14/04/2022 22:35

Embrace - the children are too young to discuss it with. DH will move for me but doesn't want to as he wants for retire early and financially, it's a bad decision.

OP posts:
MamaSharkington · 14/04/2022 22:43

I want to hear more about how you have tried to make local friends? The pandemic has made this very hard. If your kids don't go to local primary schools, and you have obviously missed the baby groups stage, then how else are you trying to make friends? Traveling a lot for work also won't help with having a consistent hobby at which you can make friends. This seems like your main criticism.

Personally I'd be looking to work on this a bit more before deciding to go back to London and all that entails.

NotMyDayJob · 14/04/2022 22:44

@bluegreenyellow123

We'd go to Islington - close enough to the city / kings cross / schools. How long did you live in zone 6 before you left?
We were a couple of stops further on on the Tube. But yeah, not many art galleries in Loughton. We were there a year when we put the house on the market.

If the school is convenient for Islington that's quite a journey from Loughton?

Petronus · 14/04/2022 22:55

In all honesty, given the level of privilege you obviously have, I don’t think there is a bad decision. You are going to live in one or other desirable place, and your child is going to go to one or other prestigious school. I think the working longer is a red herring, because I suspect it includes the caveat that you would need to, to maintain a certain lifestyle and if you wanted to adjust that you could. So I would frame it that there was no such thing as a wrong decision, just the best decision you can make at this time.

ukborn · 14/04/2022 22:57

I just moved back after ten years away. I love London and am really happy to be back, and I left a large detached house with pool to a terrace half the size. But I love it.
You are either a city person or not - seems like you are. Cost is a factor but it wouldn't (and didn't) stop me.

Original poster
bluegreenyellow123 · 15/04/2022 07:01

@MamaSharkington you're right it's been difficult to meet people but I really have tried with nursery parents and a few mums at the local school. DC doesn't commute to school and we'd send her locally if we stayed. The mums are very nice but understandably busy with their lives.

@Petronus you're right of course. This all feels very self indulgent and I know it.

OP posts:
WorriedMutha · 15/04/2022 08:07

We are in Wanstead and I totally get why you'd feel crushed by Loughton. There's more of a London feel to Wanstead but Loughton is just up the road and we still have lots of green spaces. Easy access to nearby private schools. I'm not sure whether you were referring to Bancrofts but it is probably equidistant between Loughton and Wanstead. I just wonder if this could be a compromise if it's London enough for you and close enough to Essex for DH.

spirallingupwards · 15/04/2022 08:20

Loughton and Islington are very different beasts. Wanstead, as mentioned by the previous poster, may be a better "fit" for you?

Katjolo · 15/04/2022 09:22

As PP said regardng Wansted. Likewise, South Woodford.

Katjolo · 15/04/2022 09:23

@bluegreenyellow123

Katjo, we are in Loughton, which has many lovely things about it but...
Oh ok. Thought you might be on the District Line.
beguilingeyes · 15/04/2022 11:13

Wanstead is lovely and very quick to get into town on the Central Line.
We're in Walthamstow and love it. I am never leaving London.

NotMyDayJob · 15/04/2022 11:47

I would also recommend wanstead. That's where we moved when we moved back in. It's not cheap but if you've got Islington money you'll probably find it quite cheap and might not make such a long term financial impact. It's completely different to Loughton (and the soul sucking place I moved from)

NotMyDayJob · 15/04/2022 11:49

You've also got good private options at both Bancrofts and Forest Schools

LadyJaneHall · 15/04/2022 11:55

From the headline I thought it meant moving back from the north or west of England. Loughton is still in the London area. Surely the question is stay in London's outer suburbs or go back to central london?

JayMKay1974 · 15/04/2022 12:35

Hi there. I'm sorry to hear you haven't made friends here. Loughton is a lovely place and the schools are great. My son is going to Davenant soon. However, if you're unhappy, then maybe London is a good call as long as you choose the safer areas. I chose Loughton as I'm a 5 min walk to the tube but it feels safer for children. I don't think Wanstead or South Woodford would be much different from Loughton to be honest though I do like both areas. I'd stay put and join some groups or more back properly into London

MarshaBradyo · 15/04/2022 12:42

You do sound very torn

My initial reaction was move back until I got to the last line and I see you have nervousness around that, plus the stamp Doty

But overall I think move back for the positives you list

WinterDeWinter · 15/04/2022 12:54

There are school buses from Islington to Forest, and Bancrofts too I think?
I understand OP - Loughton and all the 'wealthy' bits of Essex feel like another country to me. The truth is that even if I did make friends they would have totally different values to me.

How about Walthamstow Village? It's not nearly as posh as Islington but it's got a more urban, 'bohemian' vibe and it's incredibly friendly for ppl with kids.