Moving back to London?

[bluegreenyellow123]

Hi all,

Name changed for this as it's quite identifying. DH and I moved out to Essex zone 6 during the pandemic and are contemplating a move back into London. It would be a huge expense - stamp duty is a killer, and we'd need to go interest only for 2/3ds of the mortgage to make the cost work with school fees, and live in a much less nice house.

I'm driving the move. DH is an Essex native and had family locally whilst I've struggled to make friends as moving during Covid hasn't made meeting people easy. He has a much easier commute into the City vs Mayfair for me. I'm slightly bored of the high road and I'm lonely. I don't have a single friend - after 2 years! - that I can meet for coffee without getting back on the tube.

We have a lovely house and the children are happy. Dh is a dream and does the lion's share of the childcare as i travel a lot for work and as I don't drive, he does most of the picks ups and drop offs. Plus we'd be saving a fortune by staying.

Part of me feels like I should live where he wants as he is there more. Another part of me thinks that as I have the meaningfully higher earning capacity, making it easier for me to spend more time in the office / be less tired is a good idea, plus I miss London and all our friends.

Another complicating factor is that DC7 has got into one of the finest schools in London / arguably the country (as well as an excellent one locally) and I'm so bloody torn about the whole thing.

I realise this is coming from a place of enormous privilege, but has anyone made the treck back into London after moving during the pandemic? How did you decide if it was worth the cost? It will likely mean working several years longer until retirement and I'm petrified of making the wrong call.

Thanks everyone. DC has the option of City of London prep or Bancroft. We're really lucky but it feels like a now or never move in terms of Year 3 places to avoid 11+ so I can't dither much longer. The whole London school thing is very confusing for a foreigner!!! Thanks to everyone who posted and for the PP who posted about loving Loughton, I agree it's lovely in many ways. It's just a very different beast.

I would move back to London asap, as the prices are rising really fast again. A lot of people who left are regretting their decision and are trying to go back.

This happened to me too. I gave it a few years a still didn't like it and found the people cliquey and unfriendly. It is also boring in many places if you are used to London.
I am so glad I moved back.

@bluegreenyellow123 - would your DH be okay with you spending one night up in London during the working week? So you stay over on say Thursday night and see friends / reduce the commuting tiredness and yet still have all the benefits of London life. Occasionally you could take Friday as holiday and spend the day doing art galleries / museums etc.

I used to commute 2 hours each way (pre children) and that's how I made it work and not just be an absolutely exhausting slog. And if I had to commute again now (with now school age DS) that's what I'd do.

If you did that then your DH gets what he wants (Essex, family, earlier retirement)

You get a dose of all the things you miss about London life.

Ideally you'd be staying over with a friend in London, but even if you needed to pay for a hotel overnight it's probably going to work out cheaper than moving.

We did similar (had lived for 20 years in middle of Brighton, moved to countryside in Lockdown) and for me it is bliss to have more space at home, greenery, and nature on my doorstep. But had you suggested it 5 years earlier I would have been dead against it.

So just be careful you don't move (esp if it's not what you both want) and then end up wishing you had more space and greenery in 5 years or so and want to move again... but it is all very personal so you may never feel that outweighs London life for you.

I love Loughton and the access to Epping Forest but surprised so many people are recommending Wanstead as a compromise, they feel one and the same to me.

@CorsicaDreaming - I was going to suggest the same thing. If you did one overnight in London a week, it would give you some social time with friends and the odd day or half day to do something cultural without uprooting your family and without it costing as much

... and secretly I'd rather love to have the excuse and opportunity to do that now 🤣

Personally it sounds like it's perfect for everyone but you as you've not made friends. But there was a pandemic so I would keep trying.

Also people will offended that you said Z6 isn't London. I got torn to shreds once for calling outer zones the suburbs 😁

@portionplate it's definitely the suburbs!

I could stay one night a week with my father in London. He's elderly and it's nice to spend time with him.

Dc will be happy anywhere fortunately. They're cheerful little bodies - still tiny at 4 and 7 - and I've kept all this dithering away from them.

To the PP who worries about London prices rising disproportionately to the rest of the country, I worry about that too. Gaaah!

I'm z3, i think that's the suburbs too tbh.

@bluegreenyellow123 - well to me that is the perfect solution - as long as your DH is happy to field the children on his own for one night per week.

You get free accommodation, time with your elderly Dad (which believe me you will come to realise is more precious than any amount of equity anywhere), and chance to still see London friends and life.

Your DH gets the lifestyle he wants and to be near his family.

Your Dad gets to see you weekly.

Seems like a huge win-win all round?

@HotChoc10

I love Loughton and the access to Epping Forest but surprised so many people are recommending Wanstead as a compromise, they feel one and the same to me.

It's hard to put my finger on why exactly, but Loughton fits more into the Essex mould and Wanstead into the London mould. I'd also say South Woodford feels more like Essex too.