AIBU to want to raise our very young children in the house we picked for them?

[JennyForeigner]

So, we have a beautiful home - a medieval thatched cottage with unusual huge rooms, very light. Perfect location, lovely neighbours. The only downside is that we knocked through to make two massive upstairs bedrooms (two more downstairs) instead of four small dark ones. I worked my ass off on this house, paid for most of it and love it to pieces. Our support network here is incredible.

My husband has a history of looking to external factors for his happiness. Our kids are now 3 under 3 and life is hard! We're knackered. For the short term, we are crammed in because the kids are too young to live across floors.

DH has become fixated on the idea that if we just lived in a more normal house it would be easier.

I have looked at house after house with him. There is nothing out there, we can't afford the step up to the next 'band' and we're at risk of losing something very nearly perfect... for what? So he can avoid the kids for the next few years and claim it's because he had to paint a bedroom? As displacement activity until his next source of misery?

Tell me how not to divorce him, because right now I can't think of a better option. And yes, I could afford to stay in this lovely home with the kids.

I second the PP that suggested a dog gate and removing the door for eldest DC, I did this for my climber DS. He was extreme and would even climb along the top of the radiator when I took everything out but his bed and toys 😂
He did hit his baby sister on the head with a metal Tow Mater toy as a toddler and she was bleeding.

our kids always slept on another floor from 6 months (18 month gap but cots, babymonitors, baby gates etc etc) and it was fine :-) We also moved with 18 month and 3 year old and I would not recommend it!

Isn't the problem really that you feel your dh would do anything to avoid spending time with his children?

@A580Hojas

Isn't the problem really that you feel your dh would do anything to avoid spending time with his children?

This

All the suggestions are irrelevant really

I think you need to think long-term about this, which is admittedly hard with 3 small children. They won't be small for long. My oldest is now 9 and would love a bedroom on a separate floor (so would we). Youngest is about to turn 4 and still needs to be close ish to us, but is getting to the age where it would be fine as well. One day they'll be teenagers and will love the separate space. In fact, we have two upstairs 'wings' with separate staircases (not connected on 1st floor). Eventually, our older one will move to the other 'wing' to make space for littlest one to have a bigger bedroom.

Good lord. The man is 🙄.

Stop looking at properties with him

Get your dad in to sort whats needed alteration-wise

Tell DH to get himself to the doctor - antidepressants for 6 months and CBT will sort this much more efficiently than a ludicrous house move

I'd put a stud wall up in one of the large upstairs rooms - won't be very expensive. Toddler in one room, twins in the other.

I'd put a stud wall up in one of the large upstairs rooms - won't be very expensive. Toddler in one room, twins in the other.

Yes & you sleep in the other one?

Personally I wouldn't put my dc on the floor below me particularly not the ground floor.

Fuck that

Your house is perfect, I'd never move

Just a years worth of being a bit inconvenient until you can leave them

It's a temporary problem, and the solution you're considering (moving house) is drastic and expensive.

When mine were little I regretted some of the less baby friendly aspects of our house, which I hadn't anticipated when buying pre-children. But in reality the baby/toddler phase is over so quickly and then it doesn't matter anymore.

Hang in there, and remember all the things you love about the house