J417
We're also in an eye-watering rental, so I do feel your pain on that one!
Congratulations on your pay increase- that's something good to remind yourself of when you're feeling down.
It's very hard at the moment, but I do think that the housing market is in quite a unique situation now. People say "Oh it was hard when we were buying a house years ago, interest rates so big and inflation and unemployment.....". But we're now getting inflation, rising mortgage rates (not the eye-watering %, but on much larger capital than in previous generations), rising food and fuel bills.
The housing market now is suffering mainly (at least for people on this thread) from a serious lack of supply. And because there is a lack of supply, the asking prices go up. And then they go up some more if it drags on because the vendors then need more money to get what they think they need. So in effect, we're part funding someone else's dream because otherwise we can't get what they don't want anymore.
Have you definitely missed out on the place you offered 5% over on? Do you not feel about it as Starseeking suggested? If you can sense the possibility and can cope with the compromises until you can get work done, does that not still make you excited to buy somewhere?
I go with my gut, most people I know are sometimes bemused by what I can see potential in. BUT, it always comes right in the end. We might have to put up with long and dusty renovations (I've chased out an entire house to rewire it before now- obviously with an electrician's supervision), but in the end, we've got what we wanted.
But as you get older, your needs change. So what was right then, may not be right in 10 or 20 years. And that's the same with all of life, isn't it? What is happening now will not be forever. You feel overwhelmed now, but it's most likely, when you least expect it, you'll get a boost. Renovation doesn't have to be straightaway (it won't be anyway unless you know a way to magic up some decent contractors?). When you've found a place and decided how to knock it into a you-sized shape, you'll be stronger again because you'll already have overcome your most immediate worry, finding somewhere to call home.