House regret

[pigglepot]

We've recently relocated from London to be closer to my family. We've bought a house with only a very small courtyard garden which it turns out faces east so only gets morning sun. The house is a terrace so is over four floors (cellar and two bedrooms on top floor) and is a typical terrace in that it has a relatively small kitchen and a dining room off that plus a separate sitting room. What it doesn't have is anything that was on my initial must have list- a playroom, a utility, a downstairs loo, a garden. I've got one daughter and another on the way and I'm filled with regret that we didn't buy something that at least had a garden. Matters are made so much worse as I've just seen a house on the same street as ours but on the other side so it will get sun in the garden (which is really big and beautifully looked after)- with an open plan kitchen and separate playroom. Basically everything we were looking for.

I suppose I need help to shake out of this rut. We are about to embark on spending circa 40k redecorating and changing the kitchen here and I'm terrified I'll do that but still feel we live in the wrong house and want to move still!

Help!!

Can you get over the garden not having sun after morning?

Move. Honestly! The things you want in a house are really important with young children. Do you want to spend years going up and down those stairs and cooking in a tiny kitchen with children playing under your feet?
It will have a financial pact but it will be worth it.

Could you afford the other one?

We can afford the other one but it's under offer now. Nothing similar seemed to be about when we were looking so there's also the risk of putting the house on the market (which is sort of embarrassing when we only moved 2 months ago!) and not finding anything that matches up to the other one I've seen.

@FTEngineerM

Can you get over the garden not having sun after morning?

I don't know really- I'm trying to make the best of it and DH says it will get sun for longer when it's height of summer but our garden now is really just a small yard with space for a table and chairs and sandpit but not much else (no lawn etc). The other house has a proper garden with a seating area and a lawn.

Check your mortgage. A lot of providers don't let you move within 6 months of purchase.

Renovation can’t change the size of the plot or which way the garden faces.
If it is an issue for you, move. Kids love to play in gardens and they grow up so fast.

Honestly? In the situation you have described, rather than beat yourself up about what could have been it’s best to acknowledge you have made a mistake and make definitive plans to get yourself out of it, your garden will never be bigger than it is, you can’t rectify that, so if it really is that important plan your escape, even if its for a couple of years time, it will make living where you are bearable knowing it’s not forever and who knows, in the meantime you may grow to love your house!

@mothergooseinnorthwest this may be a silly question but when do kids like to play in the garden most and until what age? I know older ones probably aren't so bothered but from what age to what age do you think they get the most benefit? I don't want to miss the window and move too late

@Newdad19 oh interesting I didn't know that! It would take us longer than 4 months to sell probably but still worth thinking about

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels I think this is good advice. Would you spend the money on changing the kitchen to make it more usable and decorating (new carpets, shutters etc) in the hope it will make me like living here for the time we are here even if it's not forever or just not bother and save the money?

I feel so ungrateful it's such a first world problem to have but I want to do the right thing especially by my daughter and the one on the way

What made you buy it OP? you say it didn't tick any boxes?

OP my nearly 9 year old is still getting a lot out of the garden. He plays in it but also now very interested in growing things.

@Boomchicka it ticked some of them- it has really good sized bedrooms which we found often wasn't the case in the 30s type houses we looked at round here (this is a Victorian terrace) it's a great location close to town; I tend to love the period features of Victorian properties so it has high ceilings and things and it was really the only house I saw that I had an emotional connection to.

Coupled with all that was the fact that we were looking hundreds of miles from where we lived in London so had to spend a few stressful days doing return train journies often with my 6 month in tow so the chance to take our time was really limited.

Added to all this we found out my dad is ill and so we wanted to move quickly (plus meet the stamp duty deadline).

We also didn't think we could afford a house with a garden in this area that also had decent sized bedrooms and yet this one has come along which has made me question it. The bedrooms are a lot smaller than the ones we've got here but I'm actually now wondering if that can be a good thing- I'm struggling to know how to fill the fourth bedroom here without spending lots of money.

We also thought we would be able to properly convert the cellar here but we've realised this is going to be out of budget for quite a while. We also only have two bedrooms on the first floor here so our children will need to share to have us all on the same floor. Obviously again a first world problem but it's a bit of a practical issue if it doesn't work out. We also have a few steps into the front door here. It's ok with one baby in a buggy but I'm not sure how I will cope with a double buggy!

I would absolutely not spend that money on your house and use being in the area as a launchpad to find your next home. I would hate to be In that house in your situation and no amount of money is going to change that.

I lived in a house for 16 years that I was never quite happy in, we did spend quite a bit in a hope I would feel settled but I never did, so we moved. The house we are in is nothing I wanted on paper but I love it.

Honestly, in your shoes, I would wait the full year if you can live with it as it is. Then make a decision, you won't have feelings of having made a rash decision or poured money into something that still isn't right for you.

You are not the first, you are not the last to feel like this and sometimes it is better to cut your losses then to just keep going.

But do really consider waiting the year, not least to settle into being a larger family.

On the bright side - you haven't spent on stamp duty for this house so atleast you won't be spending that amount twice!

Definitely spend the bare minimum on your house, don't do shutters which you will leave behind - do curtains which you can take with you. Go for a basic kitchen. Make it nice but not to perfection. Start looking at houses/budget etc. Life is too short to be stuck in the wrong house.

My teenager still uses the garden to lounge, with friends, uses the hammock/trampoline etc. There is no age at which a garden is 'not required'. A small garden in the right direction or a large one in the wrong direction is what you need.

I would stick it on the market quick and hope something else comes up. Don’t bother re doing the kitchen but if you are good at decorating freshening the whole place up with a coat of paint will make a difference
I’m
Moving now I’ve got two children from a terrace with a very nice yard and no parking. Top of my list is garden and parking we need a garden desperately

@pigglepot as soon as they could walk, they will want to venture out. With my son, he just loved the colours and the flowers even before he was one. I now have a three year old and a nine year old, they both love the garden and we have a toy box out for them there and a play house. My nine year old is less keen than than three year old but she still would happily spend hours out there. My three year old can play there all day long rain or shine. We usually need to bribe him to go back in the house. The cat loves the garden too and plays with the kids when they are out there.

[quote pigglepot]@mothergooseinnorthwest this may be a silly question but when do kids like to play in the garden most and until what age? I know older ones probably aren't so bothered but from what age to what age do you think they get the most benefit? I don't want to miss the window and move too late [/quote]
Mine have not played in it as much as I thought. Their dad and I, however, use it very regularly as our escape from the dc

In the height of summer a very bright sunny garden will worry you with little ones (constant sun screen etc) they really won’t care too much, they will still prefer the park. Buy them a mud kitchen and they will play irrespective of sun. The sun issue will be more for the adults in the family imo.
Also remember we live in the U.K.- we don’t step in our garden for 8 months of the year.

Don’t stay if you’re not happy with the orientation it will never be right

My daughter spends a lot of time playing in the garden and she’s 12!

@MeanMrMustardSeed I'm thinking if we spend some though it might add to the resale value plus make me feel happier here in the meantime?

@AfternoonToffee I think we will definitely have to stay for a bit at least as I'm having my second baby in September so timing wouldn't be good right now.

Thank you for your kind message and for your empathy. DH looks at me like I've gone mad and I think my family would too!