House regret

[pigglepot]

We've recently relocated from London to be closer to my family. We've bought a house with only a very small courtyard garden which it turns out faces east so only gets morning sun. The house is a terrace so is over four floors (cellar and two bedrooms on top floor) and is a typical terrace in that it has a relatively small kitchen and a dining room off that plus a separate sitting room. What it doesn't have is anything that was on my initial must have list- a playroom, a utility, a downstairs loo, a garden. I've got one daughter and another on the way and I'm filled with regret that we didn't buy something that at least had a garden. Matters are made so much worse as I've just seen a house on the same street as ours but on the other side so it will get sun in the garden (which is really big and beautifully looked after)- with an open plan kitchen and separate playroom. Basically everything we were looking for.

I suppose I need help to shake out of this rut. We are about to embark on spending circa 40k redecorating and changing the kitchen here and I'm terrified I'll do that but still feel we live in the wrong house and want to move still!

Help!!

@TeenTitan007 this is good advice too. I've just had a chat with DH about planning to move in the next year or so when the small ones will still be small. Making a plan has made me feel better. I agree with you too about doing some work but not going mad. Even if we don't make every penny back on the sale it's probably worth it it to make us feel more settled?

[quote mothergooseinnorthwest]@pigglepot as soon as they could walk, they will want to venture out. With my son, he just loved the colours and the flowers even before he was one. I now have a three year old and a nine year old, they both love the garden and we have a toy box out for them there and a play house. My nine year old is less keen than than three year old but she still would happily spend hours out there. My three year old can play there all day long rain or shine. We usually need to bribe him to go back in the house. The cat loves the garden too and plays with the kids when they are out there.[/quote]
Aww this is lovely and it's what I was afraid of. I don't want them to miss out. I've heard a lot of people say their little ones love their gardens. I loved being outside when I was small too. I remember hatching frogs from frog spawn and it used to absorb me for hours!

@Mistressinthetulips haha! Well I do also want to have somewhere to host friends and have bbqs and things so I have to admit it's not an entirely selfless dream!😂

@OnlyFoolsnMothers this is what I told myself and other people told me before we moved too! I do enjoy taking her to the park and I think I still will but I'd love to be able to open the doors to the kitchen and let her play outside whilst I'm cooking. Our garden is down steps too which adds to it being less than baby friendly! A mud kitchen is definitely on the cards though!

Don't spend £40k on a house you don't like! Move! My DC are 11 and 8 and spend a lot of time in the garden: trampolining, playing football, in the paddling pool, camping...

This came up right next to this other thread, I don't know how to link...

Done lots of work on house - but now want to move?!1
Today 21:40missbunnyrabbit

If you can find it, ask yourself will you feel like missbunnyrabbit in 4yrs time.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/4215373-Done-lots-of-work-on-house-but-now-want-to-move

[quote pigglepot]@MeanMrMustardSeed I'm thinking if we spend some though it might add to the resale value plus make me feel happier here in the meantime?[/quote]
Unlikely to add much value - what are you getting done?

Might be easier to just move and be done with it.

My DH didn't get it either, worse for me as I had nothing more than a gut feeling so couldn't even say why. I'm not sure how we did agree to move, I think I just wore him down with my unhappiness.

The difference now is that I often drive home and just feel a sense of happiness as I get closer to the house.

I'd save the 40k and move.

I think there will be lots of ppl in a similar position in six months time who moved in lockdown got caught up in frenzied market and find the house they have moved to isn't suitable in normal times.

Try to move before you go on mat leave. Honestly the thought of spending a year in a house like this with no garden and two little children makes me feel a bit on edge! Plus likely to have another lockdown or mini lockdown next winter, at least social contact likely to be reduced therefore spending even more time in a house you don't like

If you are not happy there would renting somewhere more suitable for yourselves to live and renting yours out be the answer?

Ok I agree you should definately make plans to move but having personally moved to new areas before I wouldn’t rush it. I agree with the Previous poster take the next year to research the area , house prices, schools etc. Establish exactly what you want and budget etc. See this house as the transition house to what you ultimately want.
When kids are little they don’t really need big bedrooms the key thing is downstairs family areas and outside space plus the dynamics of what you need changes all the time. I have teenagers now so they probably would love your house as spend all their time in their bedrooms and we would love them to be on a different floor to us.
I wouldn’t spend a great amount on the present house. Window dressing only to make it comfortable for you.
As for the garden you can still make it a fun area for the kids , fake grass, sand pits, potted plants . You can do a lot with a small space
Don’t beat yourself up about the house enjoy it now but accept it probably won’t be a long term proposition

I am really surprised at the majority view here. I think you would need to examine really carefully the full costs of a move and weigh up if it’s really worth it. You liked the house enough to buy it, you don’t appear to have given it much of a chance to live in it. By all means, postpone major expensive work but selling right away could be reckless

Some things to consider:

• you may have overpaid, possibly by quite a lot, if another house with so much more to offer has now appeared at a similar price. You may not get back what you paid.
• you will soon have a second child, which will possibly affect your income and will definitely affect how your mortgage company views your application. They almost certainly would set a lower maximum amount that they would be willing to lend you.
• You’ve already paid one set of costs for your solicitors on purchase, your removals company, survey, etc. When you sell, you would also need to pay solicitor cost on the sale plus estate agents fees. And then pay the legal costs, survey etc for the new place.
• Your chain may not be smooth so you might need to incur one or more months of rental costs in between - to say nothing of the stress of moving to an interim place.
• all of these costs and a likely higher purchase price could potentially move you into a different deposit or loan-to-value bracket which could change your mortgage affordability. If your current mortgage is fixed for a certain term, there will also be fees for breaking that unless you can manage to port it which is another hassle.
• and generally, the stress and hassle of it all.

While it’s lovely to say “follow your dream” and “life’s too short for regrets”, there is a cost to our choices and I think you need a more sober view of both the costs and benefits of the move. Are you someone who always feels the grass is greener? Or is this v unusual for you?

Your child will be perfectly happy with or without a garden and will get used to whatever you have. Don’t rush into what could be an u credibly expensive decision just to fulfill a vision of an idyllic childhood postcard.

I think you're in a great position to find your next house, OP - see this as a three-year project and over that time you might find you fall in love with it again. In the meantime look at the area, get to know it better, and make your plans. Don't drive yourself mad thinking you bought the wrong house on the street - I've done that myself and it's just insecurity as you'd probably be worried about a whole load of other things in that house - but try to focus on what you like about it and how to make the most of those things. Don't try to fix what you can't fix, like the size of the garden, but get on Pinterest and look at small gardens, shade-loving plants, neat toys etc. Some children love gardens and some never set foot in them or just want to potter near the back door! As long as it's safe and comfortable it sounds like the place you need to be for the next couple of years. It needn't be forever but it's not the end of the world either.

Don't worry too much about your tiny court card garden for the time being. It's all we had and we just had a lot of ride on toys that got used year around. No fights or accidents involving swing or slide!!

I agree with just do the inexpensive cosmetic work with a view to moving.

The “add value” thing is a bit of a myth

If you read the property chats, most people now want their own very bespoke stuff, not someone else’s bespoke stuff

We still have the previous owner’s kitchen, 10 yrs on and we are seen as eccentrics for not gutting it and having a brand new one (added to mortgage... no thanks!)

Everyone wants their own design

I agree with @sycamore54321 don’t rush. Get to know the area, the schools (even secondary) commutes, transport etc. Do up the house to suit you now. Toddlers don’t need a big garden, you could even have a playroom with that empty room for all the rubbish weather we have in UK. You’ll be fine, especially if you know it’s not for too long.
Then you can relax and keep an eye open for the next house that will suit you long term.

We brought up our children in a big terrace with lots of room inside, but like yours a small courtyard with no sun after noon.
We tolerated it for years (24 to be exact) because it was so near to family, work etc. When we eventually moved after the children left home we bought smaller but with a south facing small garden. I now regret not having had a sunny garden for my children to play in!

Spending 40k on a house you don't really like could be a big mistake. Maybe try to put up with house as it is and move in a year or two.

I’m also surprised by the majority view here. This sounds like a classic case of buyer’s remorse: give it a few months and you may start to settle into it. I’m struck by your description of it being a place you had an emotional connection to.. and those high ceilings/big bedrooms sound lovely.

You have outdoor space, what children want is a sandpit, some plants to water, a paddling pool, water toys and it sounds like you have space for that. Get a table and chairs that fold up so that you can get all the stuff out and give them some play time. A shady garden is actually better for children, most don’t like full sun and their skin is delicate. So yes it is nice to have a larger garden but for the amount of times being at home is likely to coincide with a nice day I wouldn’t worry too much.
Playroom is all well and good in theory but usually the kids take their toys to wherever you are
If you get a baby monitor you don’t all need to be on the same floor. Little kids often actively choose to share anyway. Then you could turn the spare room into a playroom if you want?

I would sell up after a year. Don't spend any money on it, just live with it for now and have a date in mind for when you're moving. It's ok to make a mistake and people sell all the time for loads of reasons. I couldn't live with an east facing garden honestly, it's a deal breaker for me. My kids were out in the garden loads aged 2 - 11 and I use it constantly.

Hi OP. I posted something similar 18ish months ago. Spent a similar amount of money on a house we bought and just couldn't settle. Sold up within 10 months and moved to a bigger house with a bigger garden. Don't regret it one bit. I do, however, regret spending so much on the first house. Go with your gut. It's a hard feeling to shake.