Buying a house - not married

[Adulting2021]

Me and my fiancé are looking to buy our first house together.
We have been together 12 years and have a 4yo DD.
Currently rent, DF has 2 buy to let's, one has sold and the next will be for sale shortly. The money made from these with what he has saved will be the deposit for our forever home.
Now, we're not married and we do not have a mirror will. Am I right in thinking if this house is to be in both of our names I should push for one of the above?
We got engaged after being together for 2 years but then getting married just never appealed to us for many reasons. I would feel bad to push this purely because we are getting a joint mortgage.
Advise very welcome.

if yall love each other enough to tie yourelves financially to each other, then just go down to the courthouse and get married. Have your wedding whenever you want.

You already live together.

Thanks for the reply @hamnarajan

Yes, we're not bothered about getting married at the moment so wouldn't want to just for the sake of it. It wouldn't change anything in our relationship. I just read so many threads about if the man leaving and then I'd be homeless. I don't for one minute think that would happen but..

I find it a strange that you describe yourselves as engaged, usually an engagement is an engagement to be married.
Bottom line , just make it straightforward and get married . An hour in the registry office , job done .

Mirror wills don’t give you the inheritance tax rights that marriage does. It is not just a piece of paper.

Get a civil partnership if you want the legal protection without the marriage.

Agree it is strange but I can't really answer why 
@TomHardyAndMe ah ok, see I didn't know that. Will look into this. Thanks.

Either you're engaged to be married or you're not. If you don't want to be married, why called him your fiancé. If you don't think it'll change anything in your relationship, all the more reason to just make your life easier and treat it as a financial transaction and pop to the registry office. I don't understand your logic at all, yes marriage gives you better protection, it would be much more of a faff to try and work around it with other financial protections.

you aren't the next of kin. You need wills and guardianship arrangements to protect your kid. You are quite vulnerable and immensely so if you are financially dependent on him. Under English law marriage is not 'just a piece of paper'.

get your arses down the registry office as soon as the pandemic allows. No frilly frock or fuss required.

If it helps, I’ve been married 18 years. Still Ms Myname, don’t wear rings, no joint bank accounts etc. It was literally a legal process for us and not a romantic event/relationship change. Had civil partnerships been available to straight couples we’d have done that.

This is really helping me understand so thank you. We are engaged, he proposed and I wear a ring, we just never got married. Already have joint finances.

Correct though I need to be next of kin.

Just trying to figure it all out and then will let him have a read of this thread so he understands also.

Civil partnership as an alternative?

Being married offers much greater protection to you and your DD in the event of either parent dying. You will not be in a position to make end of life decisons about your partner (or vice versa) and you need to be very careful about pensions and the house. His share, should he die, will not automatically be yours. Therefore you could be homeless. As a result, mrriage is the best protection for you and your family.

As a result, mrriage is the best protection for you and your family.

It’s equal to the protection offered by a civil partnership.

There was a thread the other day on the pros and cons of marriage. Might be worth a read.

Also looks at the types of ownership... Tenants in Common Vs Joint Tenants

You aren't automatically next of kin when you marry someone.
www.gabyhardwicke.co.uk/news/partner-blog-next-of-kin-what-are-their-legal-rights/#:~:text=Although%20the%20phrase%20'next%20of,situations%20involving%20children%20under%20the

farewill.com/articles/what-is-next-of-kin#:~:text=As%20far%20as%20UK%20law,a%20parent%20or%20legal%20guardian.

I have a Health and Welfare which amongst other things legally names my nok. It's been in place a long time, I don't really know my brother and it was because of toxic family I went down this route. When I was in a relationship this didn't change.
My Will sorts out any inheritance.
Documents like pension, I have named someone on that and is mentioned in the will.

To buy property with someone why wouldn't you protect your money and ensure your name is on the deeds? And any other legal protection you can.

Locally cannot book registry office as they have a massive backlog

This is all really helpful thank you.

What are your concerns?

If you want to protect your Dad's gift for you in the event of a break-up then don't get married, buy as 'tenants in common' and have a deed drawn up which says you own the deposit money and whatever percentage of the rest of the property.

This is also not a bad approach if you have you own decent earned income, your own pension, etc.

If you are a much lower earner due to childcare, have barely any pension due to same, he has savings in his name and you haven't... then you are probably better off married.

If you are not married, you definitely need wills.

If you get married you also need wills, but at least if you buy the house together, are both on the mortgage and more importantly the deeds, then you will be covered or that.

Will you take out life insurance / mortgage protection? Whether married or not.

Check who is named as a beneficiary on your respective pensions - pensions are outside the estate of your will.

My half of our house is left direct to DC - with lifetime interest to live in it for their Dad. Seen too many men inherit form a dead wife, re-marry a younger woman, leave everything to her and then she doesn't include the first children of the man in her will. (happened to 3 of my friends).

MN will telly you you MUST marry for your protection. But actually it depends on your circumstances, and what else you put on place to make sure your kids are OK. If you are a higher or equal earner and will stay that way, and have more savings / equity, you could be better off not marrying.

Which you should probably have looked at before now, if you have a child.

For example, the potential benefits of marriage to use each others' tax allowance. The need for a will, etc.

Our friend was engaged, sadly her partner passed away. If she had been married, her son would have been eligible for government funding until he was 18. There was a legal case, but people still haven't been paid. It's worth considering a marriage or civil partnership for that reason.

@RainingBatsAndFrogs my dads gift? I have no money.

I work part time and only recently started contributing to a pension. DF is the one with the high salary and deposit money.

I know I should have looked into all this as soon as we had DD. It's something with keep meaning to sort.

I know I am beneficiary for DF pension. But neither have a will either. I know through DF work he has some kind of life insurance and that is to go to me.

@megafish that's sad. It's stories like these which make me realise we need to sort something, just unsure what.

A mirror will can be changed anytime without the other person knowing. Infact a will can be changed anytime without anyone knowing.

I think the confusion is you are using DF for Dear Fiancé. It usually means Dear Father...

Echo others though, really if you already have a child and plan to be together forever and financially intertwined, plus you only work part time, just get married. Honestly, so much easier and financially safer for you!

He can change the beneficiary of his pension at anytime without you knowing. Don’t rely on this. If you were married pensions are taken into account in any settlement. If you were to separate now he will immediately change his pension.

There isn't sufficient information in your OP to understand whether getting married is advantageous to you.

If you are married and one of you dies without a Will then assets go to the spouse and there is no Inhertitance tax. However imo once you have children you need to protect your assets for your child. For example, if you were to die everything would go to your DH then he remarries then that person then becomes the spouse and would inherit everything. You may say that he would never let that happen however it happens time after time and isn't always intentional.

My view is that if you are in a secure career, secure financially then you really need to look at what getting married gives you. The next of kin thing is easily solved by taking out power of attorney. My understanding is that even if you are married you are not always considered next of kin for some decisions re health etc.

We have the same setup as Raising - my half of the house and assets are left to my children, my partner has lifetime interest to live in it. Pensions are just allocated through work/pension provider.

Ah yes! Sorry DF not my father

And if financially safer for me, that means should anything happen to fiancé, me and my daughter wouldn't find ourselves homeless and trying to survive on my part time wage.

DF dear father or dear fiance?