Want to avoid nastiness

[helenna05]

Hi!
Looking to relocate from north to the south/south east or west.
However I'm really worried that over time the seeming awfulness of London gangs/deprivation and scally behaviour is going to spread out and rot away at the areas around there.
I don't want my baby to grow up around deprivation, gangs and what I see as the nastiest type of human behaviour.
Where can we move in the south that will as much as possible avoid the grossness? I just don't want to be exposed to that kind of stuff, it bleaks me out. I want my son to grow up in a safe place.
Please don't use this message to make a point about me being stuck up or whatever, only genuine advice please.

OP, are you worried about crime, or diversity?

Your posts seems like a not very thinly veiled search for an affordable but undiverse pocket of the south.

@AnnaMagnani

If you currently live in Leeds and you move to Huntingdon, your child will think they have moved to the most boring place on earth. And possibly so will you.

And if you move to Norfolk to be closer to your family in Luton, you should probably have stayed in Leeds. Norfolk is a looong loong way from anywhere.

There are loads of places around Bedford in your budget that are not grim. They are also not exciting and you will definitely need a car, and expect to be Mum's taxi until your children leave home.

The child is a baby, it won’t remember Leeds and will think wherever OP moves to is entirely normal because they won’t know any different.

Huntingdon and St Neots have both been mentioned - both have direct fast trains to London and buses to Cambridge - so no taxi service when the child’s old enough to go, out alone. Everyone with a school age child runs a taxi service wherever they live.

I loved from the south to the east midlands. Bought a 4 bed house in a lovely outstanding school area (5mins walk from the country) for not much above your budget. But I’m BAME with a son and as gang violence is skewed majorly towards BAME boys I needed to leave.

I think it’s only white rich women who defend London and the south east on here. Wealthy BAME women like me have seen how little wealth benefits non-white people down there. I know black women whose sons were stabbed coming out from private school just for having a minor disagreement. No way would I want that for my son.

How about somewhere like Chippenham? On the M4, quick train to bath and bristol, where your budget might not stretch very far.
It’s quite dull and not very diverse but it’s in a pretty part of the world and has great links. You can be in Bath on the train in 10 mins and bristol in 30 mins.

Because gang crime and crime in general is exclusive to London...

I'd look at villages. Can't ever recall hearing of any gun or knife crime in any village near us (Warwickshire)

@PicsInRed

OP, are you worried about crime, or diversity?

Your posts seems like a not very thinly veiled search for an affordable but undiverse pocket of the south.

LOL. Because I mentioned that I don't want to live around too much deprivation? That must mean I don't want to live in a diverse area? Are you saying that all minorities are criminals? Cos that sounds like what you're saying. That's entirely your assumption about my motives, so check your own bias before you accuse me of such garbage

@GrumpyHoonMain

I loved from the south to the east midlands. Bought a 4 bed house in a lovely outstanding school area (5mins walk from the country) for not much above your budget. But I’m BAME with a son and as gang violence is skewed majorly towards BAME boys I needed to leave.

I think it’s only white rich women who defend London and the south east on here. Wealthy BAME women like me have seen how little wealth benefits non-white people down there. I know black women whose sons were stabbed coming out from private school just for having a minor disagreement. No way would I want that for my son.

Also BAME, this is exactly my concern. And yes, it's definitely the wealthy white woman of Mumsnet getting all uppity about my post. So predictable. We have to do what's best for our children.

LOL. Because I mentioned that I don't want to live around too much deprivation

You're coming from the north, but terribly concerned about the "gangs and crime" of the south - and especially that of London "creeping" outwards? What's different?

Well I used to travel extensively through all sorts of meandering rural roads in the area that were full of fucking great houses. So whilst it might not be the majority, it’s certainly not exclusively a crap area

Those meandering rural roads are not really in Hatfield or Welwyn though, you are thinking of places like Brookman's Park I would imagine. It's kind of irrelevant what you used to see on your drives though, as the OP's £375k would not be getting them one of those houses, more something like thiss* which is in the catchment for Onslow St Audrey's school which is not a very high performing school - so I assume the kind of place the OP would want to avoid..

@PicsInRed

LOL. Because I mentioned that I don't want to live around too much deprivation

You're coming from the north, but terribly concerned about the "gangs and crime" of the south - and especially that of London "creeping" outwards? What's different?

It's not in comparison to the north! One of the reasons we're moving is so we're less around the poverty here! I'm not saying the north is better! If it was I wouldn't be moving to the south would I? Give me strength!

@PicsInRed

OP, are you worried about crime, or diversity?

Your posts seems like a not very thinly veiled search for an affordable but undiverse pocket of the south.

I got these same vibes too. My advice to OP would be to google the more 'brexity' parts of the south and create a shortlist based on those findings.

Going to stop reading and replying to this thread now because Jesus, it's too much.
Thanks to everyone who gave me some really good tips, have a great evening :-)
Over and out (thank god)

Also BAME, this is exactly my concern. And yes, it's definitely the wealthy white woman of Mumsnet getting all uppity about my post. So predictable. We have to do what's best for our children

Definitely? Hahahaha.

GrumpyHoon is correct. Black boys are more at risk of gang violence than anyone else, especially on certain estates.

I know families who have moved to get their boys away.

But still the vast majority of families of all demographics love their lives trouble free. Our road (not posh) includes social housing, rented, mortgaged and the full London diversity. Fantastic community. My boys (not white) have done really well in a S London comp and are now at RG Unis on full loans due to low household income.

Everyone does want the best for their children. We weigh things up, and those of us who are not wealthy don’t always have free choices.

We can hopefully discuss it without making negative generalisations about other people’s homes.

Avoid living in any inner city areas OP & you're 95% there.
There are very few gang problems/scumbag issues in the suburbs of most towns/cities.

I don't know how old your boy is OP but these days kids/teens don't really hang out with neighbourhood kids. It's their school friends. so you need to research secondary schools once you have chosen an area but saying that the outstanding top of league tables gramnar school my son goes to has has problems with drugs.

@unbotheredbutbewildered

Bad areas aren't the issue. Shit parenting is the issue.

Even someone in the crappest parts of London can thrive if they have parents that inspire them to do their best.

Don't be judgmental about London and parts of the UK. London is far from perfect, but so are lots of areas in the South. Parts of Bristol have HUGE drug problems - just because it looks pretty doesn't mean there aren't issues underneath.

so the guy who got stabbed in Kilburn this weekend, gone out to get a bagel and orange juice is bad parenting.

helena you are right to avoid certain areas, that will REDUCE your son being a victim of crime.
crime is everywhere, however it varies from one place to another.

Thing is with a budget of £375k you’re likely to be in the “worse” bits of nice places. It’s be better to live somewhere where your budget gets you something in a nicer area of a cheaper place and sadly, that’s not likely to be anywhere in the se or even most of the sw

@Handsnotwands

Thing is with a budget of £375k you’re likely to be in the “worse” bits of nice places. It’s be better to live somewhere where your budget gets you something in a nicer area of a cheaper place and sadly, that’s not likely to be anywhere in the se or even most of the sw

Not true. We bought eight years ago for 250k in one of the places OP has mentioned. We’ve improved the house with a huge kitchen/ diner and the house is now worth OPs budget.

I live in one the northern cities that you have mentioned. For your budget you could buy a nice house in one of the villages. Doesn't sound like your budget will go far in the other places you mention.

@Caaarrrl

I live in one the northern cities that you have mentioned. For your budget you could buy a nice house in one of the villages. Doesn't sound like your budget will go far in the other places you mention.

I agree. If moving South is solely to avoid any “gangs and drugs” then why not move somewhere more rural up here? With your budget you could easily do that

The OP would also like to be nearer to family who (I think) are in Luton or Bedford....but shes left the thread now

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

Also BAME, this is exactly my concern. And yes, it's definitely the wealthy white woman of Mumsnet getting all uppity about my post. So predictable. We have to do what's best for our children

Definitely? Hahahaha.

GrumpyHoon is correct. Black boys are more at risk of gang violence than anyone else, especially on certain estates.

I know families who have moved to get their boys away.

But still the vast majority of families of all demographics love their lives trouble free. Our road (not posh) includes social housing, rented, mortgaged and the full London diversity. Fantastic community. My boys (not white) have done really well in a S London comp and are now at RG Unis on full loans due to low household income.

Everyone does want the best for their children. We weigh things up, and those of us who are not wealthy don’t always have free choices.

We can hopefully discuss it without making negative generalisations about other people’s homes.

Gang violence (especially on county lines) is endemic and it seems it’s mostly BAME boys that get killed and murdered - and often not for selling drugs themselves but just for calling someone out or even for just saying no to being a drug mule, or even looking at someone funny. It’s so crap saying it but in the SE there seems to be a value attached to murdering a black man & I have seen with my own eyes even wealthy black (and asian) boys and men targetted just because it’s on a gang’s hit list to attack someone that looks like them. They are also more likely to be stabbed for minor things than white boys are.

I didn’t want that for my son. We’re Indian but whereas DH and I are lighter skinned, DS has inherited my afro hair and his grandad’s dark skin and passes for black. I moved to a different area and will continue to use any privilege I have in terms of my wealth to keep moving to protect him. I know poor people don’t have a choice - I lived in a really rundown area when I was a kid and understand the pressures - but as I have a choice and presumably so does OP and we need to do the best for our kids.

I’m still reeling over a recent stabbing of my friend’s son (the catalyst for our move). The boy is intelligent, oxbridge level, was stabbed in the bum ‘for a laugh’ because apparently he embarrassed some random fuckwit on the street and will now need a colostomy bag. The boy’s not even 17 yet.