Page 4 | Want to avoid nastiness

ireallyamthewalrus · 08/02/2021 13:35

Why don't you live there now?

I moved for work, met a man, bought a house. I would happily move back if my life circumstances were different.

Where I live now ticks all your boxes (no grimness at all, excellent schools and transport links). What size of house are you looking for? Here your budget would buy a small 2 bed with a bit of a garden if that would work for you?

Exhausteddog · 08/02/2021 13:37

I know it's not got the greatest reputation but parts of Milton Keynes are nice. I was surprised how villagey some parts were and there is miles of cycle lanes. It's not far from herts/beds but probably a bit more affordable.

Dodododahdahdah · 08/02/2021 13:41

What Ive learnt about London since being on Mumsnet is that they are so fiercely defensive of it and will fight its corner to the end. I find it weird. Who cares if she doesn’t like it? How can that possibly have rattled peoples cages so much?

Original poster

helenna05 · 08/02/2021 13:45

@Dodododahdahdah

What Ive learnt about London since being on Mumsnet is that they are so fiercely defensive of it and will fight its corner to the end. I find it weird. Who cares if she doesn’t like it? How can that possibly have rattled peoples cages so much?

Defensiveness usually stems from an acknowledgement of a sliver of truth ;-) Also, people clearly have a LOT of time on their hands

OP posts:

VinylDetective · 08/02/2021 13:48

@Dodododahdahdah

What Ive learnt about London since being on Mumsnet is that they are so fiercely defensive of it and will fight its corner to the end. I find it weird. Who cares if she doesn’t like it? How can that possibly have rattled peoples cages so much?

Beats me. I have a very dear friend who lives in Highams Park and couldn’t possibly live anywhere except London. Except it isn’t, it’s the burbs. 🤷‍♀️

Jsnn · 08/02/2021 13:49

I love Cambridge if I was going to live outside London that's where I'd go. I have looked a bit and I agree once you go outside the main city area it gets more affordable quite quickly.

Don't listen to anyone who says you shouldn't find a nice place to live for you kids. That's one of the most important things you can do. It's very selfless of you that you're willing to sacrifice living in a smaller place so they can grow up without having to deal with a lot of those issues. I grew up in a rough area and was exposed to a lot of crime and drugs in my teens and it's not fun.

Original poster

helenna05 · 08/02/2021 13:52

@Jsnn

I love Cambridge if I was going to live outside London that's where I'd go. I have looked a bit and I agree once you go outside the main city area it gets more affordable quite quickly.

Don't listen to anyone who says you shouldn't find a nice place to live for you kids. That's one of the most important things you can do. It's very selfless of you that you're willing to sacrifice living in a smaller place so they can grow up without having to deal with a lot of those issues. I grew up in a rough area and was exposed to a lot of crime and drugs in my teens and it's not fun.

Thankyou!! So glad to see reasonable people do exist! Cambridge is on the list for sure, the villages outside it seem perfectly affordable :-)

OP posts:

Puffalicious · 08/02/2021 13:53

To the PP suggesting Edinburgh, have you even looked at the prices there? Lots of places in Scotland I'm sure would fit the OPs bill, but she specifically said the South!!!

unmarkedbythat · 08/02/2021 13:53

Please don't use this message to make a point about me being stuck up or whatever, only genuine advice please.

My genuine advice is that you need to work on your way of thinking about these issues or it doesn't matter where you live, you will never be happy.

In any case, my parents had similar pearl clutching tendencies re cities and gangs and youth crime so moved us to a small market town. There were plenty of issues, lots of crime and gangs and drugs and violence. You can't ever escape it. You'll have heard of county lines, I'm sure?

senua · 08/02/2021 13:53

Also, people clearly have a LOT of time on their hands
You really have no self-awareness, do you?
You have asked MN to give their knowledge and insight for free ... and then slag them off for having too much time on their hands. Ungrateful and rude doesn't even cover it.

Original poster

helenna05 · 08/02/2021 13:57

@senua

Also, people clearly have a LOT of time on their hands You really have no self-awareness, do you? You have asked MN to give their knowledge and insight for free ... and then slag them off for having too much time on their hands. Ungrateful and rude doesn't even cover it.

Not slagging off the people who gave me genuine advice. Slagging off the reactionary defensive people who jumped on this thread and had a go at me for no reason 🙄

OP posts:

Fairystory · 08/02/2021 13:57

Your low budget will restrict you from a lot of nice areas in the south.

Original poster

helenna05 · 08/02/2021 13:58

@unmarkedbythat

Please don't use this message to make a point about me being stuck up or whatever, only genuine advice please.

My genuine advice is that you need to work on your way of thinking about these issues or it doesn't matter where you live, you will never be happy.

In any case, my parents had similar pearl clutching tendencies re cities and gangs and youth crime so moved us to a small market town. There were plenty of issues, lots of crime and gangs and drugs and violence. You can't ever escape it. You'll have heard of county lines, I'm sure?

Omg YES I KNOW YOU CANT ESCAPE IT. But some areas are tougher than others!

OP posts:

shash1982 · 08/02/2021 14:05

Some of the villages outside of East Grinstead are lovely and tick alot of your boxes.
Not sure what your budget would get though so might be worth a look on rightmove.

Gubanc · 08/02/2021 14:06

OP, honestly, I'd stay where you are. You've lived in Luton, your budget won't even go too far over there.
I asked a similar question here years ago, got shot down like hell. :-)

senua · 08/02/2021 14:08

the reactionary defensive people who jumped on this thread and had a go at me for no reason
Your opening post talked about "awfulness of London gangs/deprivation ... scally behaviour ... rot ... the nastiest type of human behaviour ... grossness ... exposed to that kind of stuff, it bleaks me out." If you don't want people to have a go at you then don't start on other people first.

I don't live in the South btw so I have no skin in the game. You can't write me off as 'being defensive'.

MyCatHatesOtherCats · 08/02/2021 14:09

Bishops Stortford in Hertfordshire is a nice town. Good road connections to London, Cambridge and Braintree/Colchester. Good bus links to Harlow, Stansted Airport and some surrounding areas but you would need a car to get the most out of the area. Your budget wouldn’t go that far but you could get a small 3 bed like this. Excellent schools. Lots of towns like this in Herts.

I’m not saying you’d never ever run into trouble, especially as a teenager, but East Herts is one of the safest areas in the country.

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/76505123#/

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/88583311#/

cerealgamechanger · 08/02/2021 14:11

You sound vile OP. That's all you'll get from me.

Primitivo1 · 08/02/2021 14:12

I think you need to realistically work out where your budget can actually buy what you want. It is very small for SE prices. Regards, the violence, that is much more complicated. Certain parts of London for certain demographics can be dangerous... just as they can be almost anywhere. It is very nuanced though and you really need to understand the crime statistics for an area, even a street. Many of us live in London, happily and safely.

TornadoOfSouls · 08/02/2021 14:12

I think you need to be more specific about what you do and don’t want. Your definition of the ‘South’ is absolutely enormous and it would be helpful to narrow it down to areas where your budget will get you more than a shoe box.

Norwich, to take one example mentioned, is certainly a nice city but I read an article last year about massive drug issues there.

Everywhere has good and bad bits, there are advantages and disadvantages to living in a city, a town, a village; the problems you experience may be different but just as tricky as the ones you’re scared of.

I don’t think it would do you any harm to be a bit more open-minded, because house-hunting driven by fear and worry is going to be very tough for you.

Gubanc · 08/02/2021 14:13

@unbotheredbutbewildered

Bad areas aren't the issue. Shit parenting is the issue.

Even someone in the crappest parts of London can thrive if they have parents that inspire them to do their best.

Don't be judgmental about London and parts of the UK. London is far from perfect, but so are lots of areas in the South. Parts of Bristol have HUGE drug problems - just because it looks pretty doesn't mean there aren't issues underneath.

This is very naive in my opinion. I could be the best parent if my kids are surrounded by bullies and decent people are in the minority they won't have a happy childhood.

Jsnn · 08/02/2021 14:15

@senua

the reactionary defensive people who jumped on this thread and had a go at me for no reason Your opening post talked about "awfulness of London gangs/deprivation ... scally behaviour ... rot ... the nastiest type of human behaviour ... grossness ... exposed to that kind of stuff, it bleaks me out." If you don't want people to have a go at you then don't start on other people first.

I don't live in the South btw so I have no skin in the game. You can't write me off as 'being defensive'.

The thing is there is lots of that in London. Anyone who tries to deny it is just being defensive.

There are obviously some quite nice areas in London too ( I live in London and I love it ) but all out of price range of OP so doesn't really matter. Great transport in London also makes it so you're basically always just a very short distance away from a rough area even if you live in the nicest parts. Of course you can isolate your child and send them to a nice school, get them in clubs/sports in posher areas so they can make good friends, etc. but these things all cost money that puts it all out of reach for a lot of people.

ShirleyPhallus · 08/02/2021 14:15

Oh right!

MyCatHatesOtherCats · 08/02/2021 14:24

I have to say, though, as someone who has lived in the south for a long time and has paid southern house prices, if I had £375k to spend and was a free agent, I’d be relocating back up north and would be looking at Sheffield and surrounding areas where you could get quite a bit for your money, possibly some bits of North Derbyshire and so on.

Original poster

helenna05 · 08/02/2021 14:26

@senua

the reactionary defensive people who jumped on this thread and had a go at me for no reason Your opening post talked about "awfulness of London gangs/deprivation ... scally behaviour ... rot ... the nastiest type of human behaviour ... grossness ... exposed to that kind of stuff, it bleaks me out." If you don't want people to have a go at you then don't start on other people first.

I don't live in the South btw so I have no skin in the game. You can't write me off as 'being defensive'.

Yes, those things are all real things! I'm not saying everyone in London is like that or all of it! I'm saying it's a very real issue in lots of cities and I want to avoid it as much as possible! Why is that wrong?!

OP posts: