Retirement housing - tell me all you know please

[FruHagen]

I'm looking into finding a retirement home for my elderly Mother. We'd move her from her current place and find an independent living set-up with her own private house or apartment within a bigger complex.

Anyone done this or have any input on what to know?

Are you intending to rent or buy a property?

To buy

If you buy a leasehold retirement property, it may be hard to sell. Depends where you are in the country. Where I live in the north of England there are lots of empty retirement properties languishing and charges still have to be paid until sold. So check there is sufficient demand.

Look out for service charges whether you rent or buy.

Does she have any care needs?

I think she just needs the company and social elements so minimal care needs.

They can be v v difficult to sell on.

In that case look for an on site manager and if there are other support staff to facilitate social activities. The current lockdown means a lot of communal lounges and activities have stopped. In normal circumstances I'd look for things like residents associations, regular social events and activities.

In the current situation I'd ask what each location is doing to provide support to residents and reduce isolation and loneliness.

Do you think it might be better to just buy a house and find a place with a good community for elderly people?
Maybe it's possible to pay for someone to just visit each day?

Are they difficult to sell on due to the leasehold factor?

My DM is in a flat which is part of a complex.

At the moment they are doing meal delivery from the restaurant if you order a meal and a trolley is coming around 3 times a week with sandwiches, salad boxes fruit etc.

There's a laundry and she gets a welfare call from the staff regularly.

Being able to buy in care from the staff who work there is great too.

Pre-Covid there was a wide and varied programme of activities and she made a few friends.

DM does rent but the flats do sell as the complex is so popular.

Can be very expensive, service charges on top of purchase price.

Actually have a look at rented with extra-care possibilities as that can be more secure longer-term if needs increase.

The other place to look is Abbeyfield properties, they have own rooms plus housekeeping & communal areas.

@FruHagen

I think she just needs the company and social elements so minimal care needs.

Some of the loneliest older people I know live in retirement flats, and as a social worker I know a lot of them.

They aren't generally full of sprightly folk in their 70s and 80s doing university of the third age and sitting out in communal areas playing dominos etc. That's the image these places like to sell but it's rare that it's true.

It's mostly people who have started to struggle a little at home and families want to make them safer. So they move them to a box with a huge service charge away from familiarity and communities. It often makes them more isolated, but safer.

There's usually the same issues there would be at home otherwise, they still have to prepare their own food but with facilities they are unfamiliar with, they have to work out how to use new door entry systems etc.

People just tend to sit in their flats, watching TV while family or carers pop in and out with shopping. Safe but lonely.

My late dad sold up and rented a place in a warden run complex. There was a waiting list for a couple of years IIR. He did this because he knew of some people whose families had had problems selling retirement flats and huge service fees. He also thought it made dealing with his estate easier after his death. He moved in aged 79 and spent six very happy years there.

*Some of the loneliest older people I know live in retirement flats, and as a social worker I know a lot of them.

They aren't generally full of sprightly folk in their 70s and 80s doing university of the third age and sitting out in communal areas playing dominos etc. That's the image these places like to sell but it's rare that it's true.

It's mostly people who have started to struggle a little at home and families want to make them safer. So they move them to a box with a huge service charge away from familiarity and communities. It often makes them more isolated, but safer.

There's usually the same issues there would be at home otherwise, they still have to prepare their own food but with facilities they are unfamiliar with, they have to work out how to use new door entry systems etc.

People just tend to sit in their flats, watching TV while family or carers pop in and out with shopping. Safe but lonely.*

That's a good point about being moved from their community. Where my DPs is just 1/2 mile from where they were living so they already knew quite a few people in there. They had also gone to the gym and used the restaurant regularly too.

The fact that they chose to go I think helped too, I don't think it's really something you can decide for someone else, usually by the time it's hot to that stage you might be better looking fir a care home.

"Some of the loneliest older people I know live in retirement flats, and as a social worker I know a lot of them.

They aren't generally full of sprightly folk in their 70s and 80s doing university of the third age and sitting out in communal areas playing dominos etc. That's the image these places like to sell but it's rare that it's true.

It's mostly people who have started to struggle a little at home and families want to make them safer. So they move them to a box with a huge service charge away from familiarity and communities. It often makes them more isolated, but safer.

There's usually the same issues there would be at home otherwise, they still have to prepare their own food but with facilities they are unfamiliar with, they have to work out how to use new door entry systems etc.

People just tend to sit in their flats, watching TV while family or carers pop in and out with shopping. Safe but lonely."

I think it does depend very much on the personality. My dad was a very sociable person, and up until the last few months was in very good health. He always said that there was a three way split - a third of people seemed to get involved in everything, a third just a bit, and a third were never seen. His complex was also in his small home town, and he already knew a lot of people who lived there.

My MIL bought one after FIL died, and until lockdown was very happy there. She's only mid 70s and they would gather in the communal lounge on a weekend for a few glasses of wine. They would also have knit and natter, book club, the blokes would watch football in there etc. Obviously all the communal stuff has been stopped so she's fed up. I think her monthly service charge is about £120, they have a manager there 9-5 who helps them out if they have any issues.

My friend lives in one. It's a lovely place. But he's found lockdown very difficult as he's not slowed to leave the village. He's found that very difficult as he's very sociable. I believe that even if the property increases in value. You will only get what you paid for it, less a fee for every year you live there.

I believe that even if the property increases in value. You will only get what you paid for it, less a fee for every year you live there.

That isn't the case at MIL's place

My auntie used to be a house keeper in an Abbeyfield house. Also very nice. Own apartments but meals and cleaning etc done.

Set-ups vary enormously. Some are soulless rip-offs. Some are cosy communities. You can't generalise.
Whereabouts in the country are you looking?

I think it does depend very much on the personality. My dad was a very sociable person, and up until the last few months was in very good health. He always said that there was a three way split - a third of people seemed to get involved in everything, a third just a bit, and a third were never seen. His complex was also in his small home town, and he already knew a lot of people who lived there

Sounds very much like my DPs experience and very similar with the ratios too.

I do feel sure that apartheid and segregation is not a good idea. By Age and Disability must be just as bad as by race

Looking in the South East which seems incredibly expensive. Possible Norfolk area.

My Mum is very sociable and does a lot of activities, we think she may have early stage dementia though as she is very very forgetful.

I am not sold on this idea at all but just wondering if they are like the pictures or just horrible.

I would like her to live with me but no-one else including her likes that idea

If you are suspecting dementia do you have a POA in place? I would really urge you to get both health and finance before diagnosis, if she'll agree.

Has she spoken to the GP about her memory yet?

DH's Grandma was in a warden assisted flat. They used to have craft club and scrabble and jigsaws in the lounge. She also had a couple of friends that she would go round to theirs for a drink.

They're good because they've got all the necessary mobility adjustments done already so handrails installed, doors wide enough for a wheelchair.

They are so difficult to sell. And the amount of warden support will obviously be reflected in the service charge, they can be expensive. If you can find a 2 bed, that will sell no problem.

You could try renting one and see if it works out? Every block round here has at least one flat for sale so your mum wouldn't necessarily need to move far if she decided to buy.

Also, what does your DM think of the move?