Retirement housing - tell me all you know please

[FruHagen]

I'm looking into finding a retirement home for my elderly Mother. We'd move her from her current place and find an independent living set-up with her own private house or apartment within a bigger complex.

Anyone done this or have any input on what to know?

She seems ok with it but I think it's just the lockdown in January speaking.

What is a POA and how do I get one?

Power of attorney?

Yes, it's a Power of Attorney and I can't begin to stress how much better things will be be for you if you manage to get one before diagnosis.

There's a thread going over in the Elderly Parents Section called something like "Whet do you wish you'd got in place".

But for now, I'd concentrate on the POA and if she consents to that, speak to the GP about her memory.

If it is dementia a retirement village may not be the right setting for her though.

My mum rents one. They are very nice. Very expensive, with high service charges, but there’s always someone on site and they’ve been very nice and very helpful the odd time there’s been a problem. A lot of the communal facilities are out of service due to Covid, but they seem really good as well - great for someone who enjoys company (but equally, wants her own front door). The flats are small, but well thought out (full kitchen, accessible wet room, big cupboards). I’d say you get what you pay for, to be honest.

Most retirement leases I look at (I’m a conveyancing solicitor) say that the occupier must be able to live independently. Some places even interview potential buyers to check. So it might not be an option for your DM anyway.

@20mum

I do feel sure that apartheid and segregation is not a good idea. By Age and Disability must be just as bad as by race

😂by that definition ill people shouldn't be 'segregated' in hospital!!! Duh.

@20mum

I do feel sure that apartheid and segregation is not a good idea. By Age and Disability must be just as bad as by race

I agree. There’s part of the town where I live which has been developed with a care home and a huge number of “retirement” properties. It’s basically a geriatric ghetto now. The thought of living there makes me shudder and, at 67, I’m at the low end of their target market.

If there's any hint of dementia, get that looked into asap so you know where you stand. She needs a memory assessment by the GP as first step, includes bloods to rule out other causes of memory problems. Call it a 'well woman check' and go with her if she's hesitant.
Second sorting POA.
Think long term. Any sheltered living is often only a stop gap with a diagnosis of dementia. Be very very careful of bringing her to live with you too. May be less disruptive to leave her in her own property and her pay for daily carers which can be stepped up as needed.

I work in care and have come across several retirement complexes where we have service users. They are expensive - both to buy and the service charges too. When you want to sell they can be difficult of off load, and the service charges remain payable. Some of the privately run ones are very unsupportive of people with dementia or with high levels of physical need, and may press you to move out to a care home. When they cover the age ranges of just over 70 to 90 + there is a generational divide too, with the older people sometimes feeling left out and not included. Not many have an in house care service, so you will need to consider where you can source that too.
I know the system well and when i'm older I won't be buying one, I'll look for a suitable small bungalow in an area where I'm likely to meet kindred spirits, close to G.P and shops.

My mum moved from a townhouse to a McCarthy & Stone flat. She couldn't manage the bigger house and all her friends had either moved away or died. She had a great social life in the early days with coffee mornings, trips out, evening get togethers etc. Did her the world of good and she had money free'd up to spend on anything she wanted.It was only later she didn't make as much effort to join in.

My biggest gripe (apart from the 'nasty' ground rent reminders) was the different fees wanted by the management company that had to be paid out when she died and the flat was put up for sale. A fee to release documents and a percentage of the sale fee. It did sell quicker than I thought but the greedy bastards made sure the got their (very undeserved) cut.

This is the thread going on over in Elderly Parents. It has sone really useful tips, a lot of which I wish I'd known when we only suspected Dementia.

Did you manage to talk to her about POAs? Obviously she doesn't have to grant it but it could make things so much easier if she does.

Our experience was that DMIL went from mild Dementia to needing full time care, very, very quickly, less than six months.

Like others have said, she may have to declare that she can live independently to move into a retirement village. Most of them want residents fit and active and taking part in activities when they're available.

It might be a bit of mistake to buy a flat now, only to find that she needs full time care in less than a year.

Absolutely sort out a power of attorney as a matter of urgency. Be aware, too, that if dementia is suspected that it may suddenly become a lot worse if she moves to a new and unfamiliar place.

My mother downsized in rental sheltered accommodation that was amazingly good value and a great community. It was a forces place and my father had been in the Royal Navy so she was eligible to move there.

Bear in mind that sheltered living is fine to an extent, but at some point a further move into a care or nursing home will likely be needed, so consider whether renting a place in the interim makes more sense than buying.

I have two elderly relatives in McCarthy&Stone flats. One bought off plan around 20 years ago and the other renting. Different ends of the country. I have to say it has worked for both but much better for the one that stayed very local and basically moved in with a couple of people they'd grown up with (and lost touch over the years). Yes, the service charge is a pain, but probably worth it for the peace of mind. I have been called on two occasions for minor falls and in both cases the paramedics were there and had it sorted before I had a chance to call back. I know both of them like the feeling of security and community, and even during the first lockdown they were still having socially distanced drinks in the garden. You really need to research the development though.

Thanks for all the input everybody

@JiltedJohnsJulie I have started the POA process and we're all onboard in the family.

Thinking further about this I am beginning to strongly believe it is better to stay in her own home and we as a family spend more time there (damn COVID) however there are some financial issues to do with a Lifetime Mortgage which was an Equity Release scheme that has removed all the value in her home - it's just owed to the company.
This means that if we need to sell her house to release funds for a nursing home or anything really then that money is not there.

I am wondering if I can buy my Mother's home on a mortgage and stop this debt racking up, in 10 years the debt will be more than the worth of the house.

I'll ask this question in Money Matters and thanks again for everyone's input, it's been amazingly useful