9 year old not coping with move

[TheOneTheOnlyPedroPony]

Does anyone have any experience of helping a 9 year old deal with a house move? We've sat down and talked about the reasons for moving (bigger bedrooms for him and his brother, spare room where Grandma can stay over etc). He "gets" it but is often in tears at the actual prospect. He says we are taking him away from the only home he's ever known

We've talked about the fact his memories are in his head and all the possessions are coming with us. I've just bought him a scrap book to turn into a memory book of the house. The estate agent has kindly emailed me the house details from the sale so I can print that but I also worry he might end up crying over this book constantly

And that the new owners will arrive and he'll be sobbing on the doorstep

Any advice gratefully received!!

Erm, this probably sounds rather trite, but don't make such a big thing of it.

Having said that, has there ever been an issue at school with a friend of his suddenly disappearing, and the class being told that they had moved away? Or the parents of one of his friends splitting up and having to leave their home?

Just tell him it's no big deal, people move house all the time and he will soon get used to the new house.

The more you try and reassure him, the more he'll think there is something to worry about.

We had to move (ll was a lying twat), ds 6 did indeed cry for weeks. Was so guilt inducing.. I won't lie it was awful. We did his room ASAP. Lots of frankly £incentives to stfu!! It was a rough time for us all.
Good luck op. Don't discard his genuine upset....

@IfTheSockFits

Erm, this probably sounds rather trite, but don't make such a big thing of it.

Having said that, has there ever been an issue at school with a friend of his suddenly disappearing, and the class being told that they had moved away? Or the parents of one of his friends splitting up and having to leave their home?

We try and play it down but it's difficult when he's crying daily! I can't just ignore it. There isn't any history of people moving as far as I know, he's certainly never mentioned anything. He is staying at the same school even though it's a pain

@blacksax

Just tell him it's no big deal, people move house all the time and he will soon get used to the new house.

The more you try and reassure him, the more he'll think there is something to worry about.

We've tried and I've told him how many times in my life I've moved house (including once at his age to the other side of the city and to a new school at the same time. I haven't mentioned DH as he's only lived in 3 houses

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

We had to move (ll was a lying twat), ds 6 did indeed cry for weeks. Was so guilt inducing.. I won't lie it was awful. We did his room ASAP. Lots of frankly £incentives to stfu!! It was a rough time for us all. Good luck op. Don't discard his genuine upset....

Thank you. It is so difficult isn't it. For every thing he says he'll miss (usually about his bedroom) I think of two things we won't miss (like the size of his bedroom) and something related to it like he'll be able to have sleepovers (well hopefully at some point but who knows!). His bedroom is far too small for them now

What about saying he can choose how to decorate his own bedroom, make it sound really fun look at ideas on the web

DD2 threw up when we told her we were moving at that age. She is a perfectly happy 18 year old now. Choosing new cushions and a rug for her new room helped. That’s sounds like a tiny thing but it swung the focus for her enough to start to see the positives. Some fairy lights too I think, and a promise of friends over for sleepovers ASAP. (Tricky at the moment I realise).

We’ve just relocated and my two (5 and 6) have been emotional at times. Frustratingly, we are actually in rented as we had to move to the area before the start of the academic year and hadn’t yet found a house, so we can’t even settle here and the children are very aware that this house is temporary too.

I just reassure them when they cry and hope it will improve 😬

I had to move house at age 8 and I asked my mum if I was overly sensitive / sentimental about it...she said I wasn’t, but that if I had been, she wouldn’t have indulged me whatsoever 😂

@angelaEhen

What about saying he can choose how to decorate his own bedroom, make it sound really fun look at ideas on the web

This is a good idea and we've already let him choose his and his brothers blind colour (so now they don't match the rest of the house ) but it's a new build so we aren't supposed to decorate for a year. I've said he can choose some posters to frame x

My eldest was like this but totally fine once it happened. She really got stuck into the positives of the area and amazed us all.

Can you talk about the difference of a house versus a home - that everything that makes where he lives feel so special and safe is to do with it being his home. The building is just bricks and windows and a roof, and once you've unpacked your home into the new house it'll get that special feeling too. Be honest that it'll take a few weeks (because you won't get all unpacked etc very quickly) and not to worry when the feeling doesn't come straight away, but that it definitely will.

I'd also look on Google Maps with him at the new place to spot places that look interesting to explore, nearby playgrounds, restaurants etc.

@CookEatRepeat

DD2 threw up when we told her we were moving at that age. She is a perfectly happy 18 year old now. Choosing new cushions and a rug for her new room helped. That’s sounds like a tiny thing but it swung the focus for her enough to start to see the positives. Some fairy lights too I think, and a promise of friends over for sleepovers ASAP. (Tricky at the moment I realise).

Yikes he hasn't thrown up as far as I know. I am glad she's settled now

Sleepovers have been promised when we can!

@ServeTheServants

We’ve just relocated and my two (5 and 6) have been emotional at times. Frustratingly, we are actually in rented as we had to move to the area before the start of the academic year and hadn’t yet found a house, so we can’t even settle here and the children are very aware that this house is temporary too.

I just reassure them when they cry and hope it will improve 😬

I had to move house at age 8 and I asked my mum if I was overly sensitive / sentimental about it...she said I wasn’t, but that if I had been, she wouldn’t have indulged me whatsoever 😂

Yes I was that age as well when we moved and our involvement was leaving a house and as we drove away our parents told us that would be our new house and which rooms we were going in! I don't actually remember being upset though

@SquidInALid

My eldest was like this but totally fine once it happened. She really got stuck into the positives of the area and amazed us all.

Fingers crossed he's the same!!

Planning decorations and posters for the new room helped us. We went looking for curtains and paint samples and bought posters. We still haven’t actually painted but at the time it helped

Focus on the new place and the surrounding area. Anything exciting nearby or new neighbours, anyone you already know who lives nearby.

When are you actually moving?

@TenShortStories

Can you talk about the difference of a house versus a home - that everything that makes where he lives feel so special and safe is to do with it being his home. The building is just bricks and windows and a roof, and once you've unpacked your home into the new house it'll get that special feeling too. Be honest that it'll take a few weeks (because you won't get all unpacked etc very quickly) and not to worry when the feeling doesn't come straight away, but that it definitely will.

I'd also look on Google Maps with him at the new place to spot places that look interesting to explore, nearby playgrounds, restaurants etc.

We are moving to a new build and been visiting regularly to watch it progress and there will be a play park on the estate but that's the frustrating thing, he is excited about it but he's more upset about leaving and that outweighs his excitement

I've promised him he can have the first wee in all the toilets

@Monicuddle

Planning decorations and posters for the new room helped us. We went looking for curtains and paint samples and bought posters. We still haven’t actually painted but at the time it helped

Focus on the new place and the surrounding area. Anything exciting nearby or new neighbours, anyone you already know who lives nearby.

When are you actually moving?

I've actually found quite a few of our neighbours through Instagram and a FB community page (it's a new estate) and there is a boy a year above him a few doors down. He does seem excited but the sadness about leaving outweighs it at the minute.

We are just waiting for our 10 day notice to complete but we have to be out by 29th January

Poor lad. Can you explain that as he gets bigger he needs a bigger room. When he was a tiny baby he had a cot. Then he had a junior bed. Now he has a big boy bed.
Any chance he like animals? Like a small guinea pig will grow big and need a bigger cage. Or sea animals grow bigger shells. Or snakes shed their skin to have a bigger skin.

Maybe it is a reaction to 2020? Lockdown. Schools closed. Huge changes for him. Perhaps it is all being held inside and this house move is bringing it out. In his head all the routines and habits he relied on have all changed forever.

Is there a reason you can't decorate for a year? That sounds very strange.

@PragmaticWench

Is there a reason you can't decorate for a year? That sounds very strange.

Because it's a new build and if any cracks appear I think. Although maybe that's just for wallpaper . I can't see us sticking to it anyway!

I suppose on the plus side it shows what a safe and stable home you've created for him that it's such an emotional wrench to contemplate leaving.

It won't do him any harm to learn that sad emotions are a natural and survivable part of life. I don't think there's any point trying to eliminate them. More useful for him to learn he can cope with them.

@Lemonpiano

I suppose on the plus side it shows what a safe and stable home you've created for him that it's such an emotional wrench to contemplate leaving.

It won't do him any harm to learn that sad emotions are a natural and survivable part of life. I don't think there's any point trying to eliminate them. More useful for him to learn he can cope with them.

Aww what a lovely thing to say

We have a similar situation with my 5 year old. I’ve just been trying to acknowledge that it’s ok to feel sad - I feel a bit sad too - and when we first move it will be weird but we will soon get used to it and it will feel like home. I read somewhere to make sure their room is set up with bed made etc when they first see the house. X

@justabigdisco

We have a similar situation with my 5 year old. I’ve just been trying to acknowledge that it’s ok to feel sad - I feel a bit sad too - and when we first move it will be weird but we will soon get used to it and it will feel like home. I read somewhere to make sure their room is set up with bed made etc when they first see the house. X

Oh it's too late for that as it was completely empty as it's a new build but we had promised him he could go in as soon as it was no longer classed as a building site. I've just said to him he'll get to spend some extra time here and then in the new house. As if home schooling with a toddler wasn't hard enough last time, let's throw in a house move for fun!