9 year old not coping with move

[TheOneTheOnlyPedroPony]

Does anyone have any experience of helping a 9 year old deal with a house move? We've sat down and talked about the reasons for moving (bigger bedrooms for him and his brother, spare room where Grandma can stay over etc). He "gets" it but is often in tears at the actual prospect. He says we are taking him away from the only home he's ever known

We've talked about the fact his memories are in his head and all the possessions are coming with us. I've just bought him a scrap book to turn into a memory book of the house. The estate agent has kindly emailed me the house details from the sale so I can print that but I also worry he might end up crying over this book constantly

And that the new owners will arrive and he'll be sobbing on the doorstep

Any advice gratefully received!!

My DS was very upset when we moved when he was about the same age. What really helped was our "two week rule". The two week rule is you give everything a go for two weeks and if you still feel the same we can talk about options. I know this sounds as if you would have to move after two weeks but usually at the end of two weeks things are a bit or much better. He made friends in the street and had friends over. He still missed our old house but it eased with time and he no longer wanted to go back.

My dd was 5 when we moved and was upset. We bought her buy-in with the promise of pet chickens (we were moving to countryside). Her sadness eased with time but it took a while (2 years ish) before she no longer wished to go back. I just walked alongside her in the emotional process, no judgement, no alarm. Wandered down memory lane occasionally, counted our blessings at times, hugged her when necessary. The chickens were a big help though.

I had to move suddenly at your son's age (technically we became homeless but I didn't know that at the time!).

I was sad but I got over it

Validate his feelings by acknowledging change can be tough but try to talk about the positives too. He will be OK and you're doing what's best for your family so don't beat yourself up

My 9-year-old has a habit of scratching my face whenever I deliver bad news to him. I had him tested and he seemed to be all normal, so I was confused. When moving house, he took it seemingly OK, but recently had an incident with our curtains! Needless to say we have him on some medication and he's doing well, but I don't think I'll ever forgive for what he did.

Even at age 40 I have huge trouble leaving my homes when we move. So much that I never go back to the old house once we move. I find it too difficult and emotional. No amount of looking forward abc being excited can reduce my pain. His emotions are very real and so is his 'loss'. I'd allow him to grieve. Maybe say he could come back to see this house later if he wishes (though it's unlikely he will). It will give him comfort to let go if he knows there is a way back.

I have a 6 year old who asks why we moved to our current home when she was 4. She loves our current home but longs for the earlier house too. It's all her childhood memories there. I do feel guilty but it had to be done.

My dd struggles so much with change. We're 4 months post a big move and she still struggles. Her quality of life is incomparably better here, but she still is adjusting. Everytime something goes wrong its because we moved according to her. But the tears and general complaining is starting to fade away. We have to remember our kids lives have been turned upside down by very complicated and scary stuff right now. Moving is a much easier concept to direct those negative feelings towards. So i think time and lots of gentle reassurance are the only cures.

I moved at 9 and I wrote a word document of my feelings on the family computer which made a funny read years later. I was taken on a few house viewings and sulked at most of them apart from one with a fake loft conversion that would be a play room up a ladder which felt like a secret world. I was also very sad despite moving from a flat with a communal garden to a house with a massive garden that was all mine.

An element of just putting up with it was definitely part of it - I am not a big one for two much change. I also didn’t get to decorate my new room because the budget was being stretched so the whole house was as-is for a few years.

I think my parents put me with Granny for the actual move so I got to say goodbye before the stressful completion date and then move into a house where the parents had set up my bed and key toys for my arrival the day after. Though that was less for my emotional well-being and more so I didn’t have to be watched! Once I was out and exploring the garden, I soon got excited by the possibilities.

I’ll add I saw the house when it was full of the current owners stuff before - but not seeing my bedroom as empty - and moving into a room I could sleep in was helpful.

The no decorating is only wallpapering as it will conceal any hairline cracks. I am sure you can paint. I certainly did!

I have moved twice with children. The first time just Ds1 so I recreated the exact same bedroom in terms of paint colour and the same curtains to smooth the transition as he was a toddler.

The second time I had 2 children but Ds2 was almost 4 so I put both children in together in Ds1's room for the first night and spent the next day painting the bedroom for Ds2. As I started at an ungodly 6am it meant it was ready to move into that night but it was just painting, so cut in, roller, few hours later repeat then move in furniture. As you are in a new build there will be no skirting boards to paint I think.

I think every time your Ds has something negative to say he has to find a positive. So he loves his current room but the new one will be bigger with more play space, or he can have sleepovers, or he can have bunk beds.