Unsettled in new house

[Tzimi]

Hello, I moved house about 2 months ago, and I just can't seem to settle down in my new place! I moved for financial reasons, and because we had some new neighbours recently who were very noisy. I've got more space here, which is what I wanted, and it's quieter. The house does need a fair amount of work, but it's nothing I havn't tackled before. I've already made some improvements (new boiler, new shed) and have others planned or in progress (new windows, kitchen & bathroom). Yesterday, I felt a bit better & I started work on my bathroom, but today I feel horrendous, and I've hardly done anything. I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't motivate myself! I can't even sell the house in this unfinished condition. Somehow, I need to find the motivation to carry on with the improvements. I havn't even unpacked all my things yet, and there are boxes piled up all over the place. Any ideas on how I might motivate myself to get on with everything I need to do? Help!

You need to think of this as business transaction, stop sulking and get a wiggle on, the faster you move then the faster you can start to enjoy your property or move. Being unsettled is natural, once you can have guests and friends round u will feel more at home

@organisedmother Thanks- yeah, I know! The thing is, I am gradually getting on with the improvements (and the unpacking & the tidying & cleaning), but it's just taking a lot longer than I thought it would. Yesterday, I started work on my bathroom, and I planned out what I would do today. But I didn't get any of it done (except for buying some bits I needed). I'm hoping tomorrow it might not rain, as some of the work needs to be done outside. Forecast says 65% probability of rain...

Just a thought but have you have got a carbon monoxide alarm as my friend felt exhausted in her new home and she had a small leak. She described it as more exhausting than having newborn twins

@Muddledupme Thanks, yes there is one in the sitting room (where the gas fire is) kindly left by the delightful previous owners! I've tested it and it seems to work ok. There isn't one in the kitchen (where the boiler is), but as it's a brand-new boiler, I doubt that it would be producing carbon monoxide. It's not so much exhaustion, as lack of motivation, not to mention feeling a bit sick at the thought of all the work which needs to be done! What I wouldn't give to be back in my small but clean, tidy & warm flat- despite the noisy neighbours! By the way, my flat was in a similar condition when I bought it, but I managed to turn it around- ended up staying there for 14 years!

@organisedmother Another point- it's difficult for me to think of my house as a business transaction! For me, it's my home, and obviously I like to feel comfortable!

You will feel much better once you get unpacked properly. I’d try and focus on unpacking and getting the boxes out of the way before making any further changes to your new home. You won’t feel settled or happy with stuff everywhere.

Have you decorated for Christmas yet if you celebrate it? That might make you feel a bit more cosy and homely and want you to make the rest nice.

I mean if u are really unhappy and feel you want to sell up then start to think of it as a business transaction to give you the motivation to get it sorted and listed.... if you feel you want to stay there for the foreseeable future maybe start planning some events like a summer bbq or a big birthday party or something to give you a nice reason to get your house perfect :)

Well after the year we have all had many people are feeling unsettled . So add in a house move and I can completely understand how unsettled you must be feeling. It will take time for the house to feel like home so I think that is the key. Time and not being too hard on yourself in the meantime.
Enjoy your new home x

@organisedmother Well, to get it into context, this is the third time I've moved into a house (or flat) which needed work doing. I lived in my flat in Cambridge for 14 years, and had it just the way I wanted it. But I was battling for many years with my upstairs neighbour who was a musician, and used to make a lot of noise. Then he got abusive when I complained. Then, a couple of years ago, some new neighbours moved in next door, and they were also noisy and seemed to be continuously smoking marijuana which used to waft over into my garden! Then I got assaulted by one of them in 2019. Then, my work contract came to an end, so I felt I really had to move... I've started on the bathroom now, so I have to continue, really, at least to a point where it can be used properly again. To be fair, it probably shouldn't be too much of a problem- I already have the new bath in (replacing a walk-in shower), so I know it fits. I just have to do the plumbing & tiling, initially around the bath, then the whole room (that's the plan, anyway)... I just feel a bit depressed & also a bit miffed that I seem to have to move every few years & go through all this all over again.. Oh, and re selling again, usually you have to wait 6 months, as many lenders won't lend on a property which has changed hands less than 6 months before.

If I were you I'd take the weekend off, and try and relax - moving is hard work and you're probably exhausted! Sometimes your body just tells you that you need a break. Sit and watch some tv, read a book, or go for a walk if it's not too wet. Then come Monday you'll be refreshed and ready to tackle it all again.

Ok, so if you have boxes that haven't been unpacked after 2 months they can't be needed immediately. Put them in a local storage unit or your new shed. That will leave you clear space to crack on and finish your improvements nice and quickly. Then bring the boxes back in, unpack and relax.

@TheGriffle Yeah, I have unpacked some of the boxes, but I really need to make cupboards & shelves so I can store & display things properly. As for decorating, there's the bathroom & probably the kitchen to do first! To feel cosy, I've got to get some of the leaky windows replaced first. So there's a lot to do!

I'd say concentrate on one small area at a time. Make the sofa area lovely first and expand outwards! Get your evening lights right and it'll help it feel cosy. But don't try and do everything at once - just do a small but at a time.

I think you are still suffering from the trauma of noise and moving. It is like being on a train, you stop but the trauma doesn't. Everything you've been through is going to take time to recover from. If you can do things you will feel better but if you are not up to it leave it for a day or two.

@flapjackfairy You can say that again! Brexit, then Covid, then moving, yes, it's been a nightmare year. My new GP has put me on antidepressants, which is probably why I seem to be sitting around so much, and why I've put on weight... I've joined a new gym locally, but they're only open Monday-Friday due to Covid.

You have had some good advice on here and to be honest I am in awe at all your diy skills, what an achievement to be able to do all that.
You are feeling overwhelmed and I also suggest putting all those unpacked boxes in one room and shutting the door rather than have them spread out everywhere. Try to get some order around yourself and then you will feel better able to cope.
Make one room nice for yourself, whether it be your living room or bedroom, so it is somewhere you can relax.

@user1471538283 I think you're right, actually, I do feel pretty traumatised. The problems with work, worrying about brexit & Covid, the problems with the neighbours, then the move, they've all taken their toll. I keep remembering random things from the past for no apparent reason, and feel anxious much of the time. I'm getting some counselling at the moment, but unfortunately it's only an hour's session every fortnight, and by phone. But it's better than nothing, I suppose. I moved up North to Yorkshire, and although the people here are lovely, I feel deep down I'm really a Southerner. So I feel that a move back to the South would probably make me feel better. It will be difficult financially, but I suppose I could always rent for a while..

@crimsonlake Yes, I'm grateful for the advice, it's been mostly spot-on, I think. That's part of the problem, people tell me I'm good at DIY, and in fact I did it for a living for a while. But somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost my nerve, especially with this being a new area & a new house. Yes, it's a good idea to shift some of the boxes. Initially, the idea was to unpack them after I had made some storage for the contents, but this seems to be taking longer than expected. I feel like I've fallen out of love with this house now, and it's an effort sometimes to carry on working on it. Right now, I'm thinking that I'd really like to move asap, but I can't just now due to being in the middle of renovations & because I havn't been here long enough to to be able to sell (my buyer would have trouble getting a mortgage).

We have just moved too and I feel a bit discombobulated. Lovely house in a lovely area. But a lot less storage than our old property and I’m really missing it.

Also feel we rushed into buying it. Only did one viewing due to distance and now discovering a few things we wished we’d known. It’s a new house but we are realising it was purely built to sell. The previous owners had an old house on a large plot and they divided the plot, built this house, sold the old house and lived in this for a year. Some of it is great but some is just irritating. No shaver points in the bathrooms as she didn’t like the look of them. No power point in one corner of the kitchen because she didn’t have anything she needed to plug in there. Integrated fridge freezer not fitted properly so it’s really tricky to open freezer drawers and veg drawers - they lived with it for a year - I’m a month in and it’s driving me mad. And the living room is ridiculous.

And due to various reasons we will even need planning permission for a shed!

So I get how you feel even without your trauma issues. It’s hard. And I’ve moved a lot. We were expats and moved countries four times.

There are lots of great things about this house and the move but sometimes it’s hard to remember them! Every time I seem to get one area tidy and sorted it means I’ve had to mess up another area.

@Peridot1 Wow, I totally get what you're saying, I'm having very similar problems, and loads of them! If it's any consolation, I viewed this place 3 times, but still missed a lot of issues. Although this house should have about twice the footprint size, there seems to be less storage space, which is understandable, as I built a lot of it myself in my flat. Yes to not enough sockets! The previous people lived here for years, but they don't seem to have carried out any improvements that I can see! The back door sticks, and is hung the wrong way, so you have to squeeze past it. The sitting room door sticks out into the room. The old double glazing is draughty, and some of the locks & hinges don't work properly. Both gutters leak. The basin & sink don't drain properly & smell. The old toilet is disgusting. The phone socket is beside the front door- why? The mirror in the bathroom is on the opposite wall to the basin-huh? Some of the knobs are missing from the kitchen cupboards. The built-in wardrobes don't seem to be configured for storing clothes. The kitchen is always cold, most probably due to the leaky windows & door- I had a radiator installed but it doesn't seem to make much difference! Hopefully the new door & windows will help. At least I've got the boiler sorted out (at some expense!), and the plumbing, which used to make strange noises without me even doing anything. And there's often a funny smell in the air, which I'm told comes from the sewage treatment plant. So really, I think I'll do as much as I can, but then moving again will be the only answer. Btw, I envy you having lived in 4 countries! I lived in Greece when I was younger & loved it. I'd love to go back there to live for a while.

@tinselvestsparklepants Yes, the lighting here is terrible- the previous people seem to have chosen the dimmest possible bulbs- perhaps to hide the cobwebs? But it's hard to feel cosy at the moment, especially downstairs, due to the leaky windows- but this is in hand to be put right soon. The gas fire helps. At the moment, I'm concentrating on the bathroom, and have removed the old dirty smelly shower tray & currently installing a new bath tub. Then I hope to install a new toilet, vanitry unit & towel radiator...

@Peridot1 Btw, I forgot to say, I hope you'll get your issues sorted out soon. If not, will you be moving again? I certainly feel as though I want to move right away..

One box a day, make it baby steps as one box is achievable even when your feeling out of sorts.

I moved this year and have condensed two houses into one so decided to put everything I didn't need or want any longer - into the garage, tackled one box of items at a time and then some days did 5/6 boxes and others just one.

I have still got a large amount of stuff in the garage but plan to carbon in the spring

some undecided stuff has gone in the attic and others stuff charity or given away.

Perhaps table one room at a time and one or more boxes in that room.

Start with the sitting room as then you have somewhere nice to relax when your work is done

On lights, it made a huge difference changing all our warm glow bulbs to daylight type when we moved in. Made the house seem so much bigger and brighter. Didn't cost much either.

@Hawkmoth Yes, it does help! I had all LED lights in my last place, some spotlights & some pendant ones. very bright, but also very energy-efficient.