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Original poster

Brother buying property with mum and dad?

40 replies

sianyb83 · 25/08/2020 09:10

So last week my parents told us they are looking to sell their house, and buy a property with my brother and his wife and 2 yo child.

My parents would be putting in 400k cash, my brother around 100k - they are looking at 800k properties in my area, which gets you A LOT around here! (the one they have in mind has a swimming pool and private woodland)

I presume my brother will be paying the mortgage shortfall.

I'm a bit skeptical about the idea, because that it pretty much all my parents money...and I feel effectively they are giving him his (and our) inheritance early?

They own a second, small, holiday home where they spend about half of the year. So for my brother he gets benefit of living in huge house while they are away most of the year.

Also, he and his wife have a lot of marital issues, and I am just concerned how it would work if they did split.

And, longer term, when my parents pass away - we can't expect my brother to sell the house?? And he couldn't possibly afford to remortgage to pay us a share of.

It seems like a messy idea, right?

OP posts:
sallyshirt · 25/08/2020 09:13

Very messy.
Why are your parents doing this?

BluebellsGreenbells · 25/08/2020 09:15

I think you need to speak to then.

Are they joint tenants? What happens if they need care? How will this be paid for? What happens if they divorce or your parents pass away? How are the bills split when they are away?

Ask the questions!

AbbieFB · 25/08/2020 09:17

Things would be very messy if your brother and his wife separated.

Inheritance wise though they aren’t obligated to split things equally. I know someone who moved in with her daughter (my friend) under a similar arrangement. When the Mum passed away, the house was given to the daughter and her son was given what was left, considerably less than the share of the property was worth.

Original poster
sianyb83 · 25/08/2020 09:18

I think they see it as a way to get a lot more for their money.

And also share monthly running costs...

OP posts:
Takingontheworld · 25/08/2020 09:22

We almost did this... we are the younger family in the scenario. We didn't follow through for all the reasons you listed. It felt too potentially risky/messy

Frlrlrubert · 25/08/2020 09:22

MIL's family is going through the fallout from this sort of thing at the moment. I get quite messy if one party want/needs to move on an the other doesn't.

Didiusfalco · 25/08/2020 09:26

Friends did this, but on a smaller scale. It seems to work for them, but there was a lot of consultation with the siblings who were also asked if they wanted to be part of the arrangement. I’m still not sure what would happen if one party wanted to sell though.

Ilikewinter · 25/08/2020 09:29

Weirdly I've recently had this converdation with my mum, she lives on her own and was looking at moving in with my brother, wife and neice - both selling their houses and buying jointly.

I raised all the issues mentioned above, plus what happens if mum needed to pay for carers or nursing home, not sure how that works with regards to her money being tied up in a house??
Anyway they've decided against it!

Whatthebloodyell · 25/08/2020 09:46

I think that you need to be supportive of this happening, but make sure that it’s done properly for your parents benefit rather than yours.

Original poster
sianyb83 · 25/08/2020 09:57

Yeah I don't want to sound negative, or money grabbing.

I wish my brother had spoke to me about it, rather then it coming from my parents who pitched it like it was a done deal!

I genuinely don't care about the money, it more the practicalities and fairness of it.

Little things like even my parents looking after my DC, or me popping round to see them, it would feel different if it was at my brothers house.

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 25/08/2020 09:58

On the face of it, it's an idyllic set up - pooling resources, being together. In the real world it could very well end in tears. Like you said, do they loose their home when inheritance is split? Do your parents loose their home if your brother's marriage fails? Do you loose your inheritance? Is the value of the holiday home similar to £400k? What if your brother defaults on the mortgage?

Original poster
sianyb83 · 25/08/2020 10:16

Also, I am one of 5 children!

So effectively one brother gets 400k, then the other 4 sibling share the value of second home worth about 180k

My parents still in their 60's so very likely they'll need to sell assets to pay for care in the future

OP posts:
sunshinesupermum · 25/08/2020 17:12

My parents still in their 60's so very likely they'll need to sell assets to pay for care in the future

This. What a minefield.

It's a dreadful idea for everyone concerned - including your brother should his marriage break down and he has to sell the house resulting in your parents becoming homeless! Will your sister in law be happy to provide care for your parents should they need it in the future? Have your parents discussed this with a solicitor? What do your other siblings think?

TW2013 · 25/08/2020 17:17

I can't imagine that having the in laws in the house will improve their marital relationship. Especially in laws who are likely to be around for 20-30 years. Does your SIL actually agree to the plan?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/08/2020 17:20

Also, he and his wife have a lot of marital issues, and I am just concerned how it would work if they did split.

Whoa. That could be a disaster. I would encourage your parents to speak with a solicitor to be advised of all of the pitfalls should they go ahead.

PaternosterLoft · 25/08/2020 17:21

To some extent, you and your siblings are just going to have to sit back and get the popcorn in.

Your brother's marriage is not going to improve with his parents moving in.
Your parents care needs will increase.
Everyone's financial situation is going to change.

ChikiTIKI · 25/08/2020 17:24

😬

tentative3 · 25/08/2020 18:33

One other point, if they do need to sell, either for care or because your brother's marriage breaks down, how easy would it be? I mean to get a sale? You say it buys a lot of house in your area, does that mean there is a very small pool of buyers and any sale could be a long time coming?

ScrapThatThen · 25/08/2020 18:55

Say that's nice, could be a good set up. Then ask questions. So how are you all protecting yourselves financially? So how will the mortgage work? What will happen in the event of one party not being able to pay the mortgage? What will you do if you have care costs in the future? What happens if you don't get on? All questions about practicalities not about financial fairness.

Saz12 · 25/08/2020 20:06

Your parents & brother need sound legal advice. Unpicking it all if there’s divorce, job change, incapacity, care home needs, etc.

I can see what’s in it for your brother and SIL but there’s no way I’d put myself in that position!

I imagine your parents are assuming brother and SIL will provide care as they age. Does brother and SIL realise what that entails? Which of them is going to quit there job to provide the care needs of elderly parents? How will they cover the mortgage when that happens? It’s perfectly possible to need significant care with little warning, relatively young (eg after a stroke), and so yr brother and SIL to be looking at 30 years of elder care.

You also need to ask your parents about fairness. They won’t want you all to fall out over money, but this seems unavoidable.

neverevereveragain · 25/08/2020 20:17

If they joint own the home and the parents later need care they can't be made to sell because bourse occupied by brother who owns a share.

Also can't be taken into account for any dom care fees.

However the second home can be taken into account for both as will be treated as capital.

Bluntness100 · 25/08/2020 20:23

My aunt did this.

It’s not a big deal

So for inheritance it’s their fifty percent split by however many siblings. Either your brother has to sell or remortgage. His issue.

If he splits with his wife he needs to provide her with her quarter. Be it via mortgage or loan or cashing in pension.

You can’t possibly say what he can afford in twenty years.

It’s a bit petty to argue they get to live in the house whilst your parents are away or that it will feel different if he’s there.

You say it’s not about money but that’s what you’re focusing on and your parents could live for another thirty years and need your brother and his wife to care for them for many of those.

Bluntness100 · 25/08/2020 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 25/08/2020 20:24

Sorry misread that never, will report myself.

Original poster
sianyb83 · 25/08/2020 21:57

@bluntness100

I can make an estimation of what they can afford in 20 years because both my bro and SIL are in public sector job with a very fixed salary ceiling...this is one the reasons my parents are looking at this arrangement, because my brother can't get his dream house with pooling assets.

In 20 years by brother will be 56, so unlikely to be able to take about a 400k remortage to pay us off if that was needed. Equally, if he needed to pay us 50% of market value...it would more like be 500,600+ at that point - as the property would likely go up.

I don't think its petty to highlight he gets 100% use of the house while they're away, as I know categorically this is the basis of the arrangement. - he knows it will be testing at times, but also knows at least 50% of the year he gets to live their without them around.

He and his wife have 2 young dc, they split up before their marriage due to infidelity. If this were an issue again, surely she would say in the family home and he leaves....except that couldn't happen as she'd be living there with my parents.

I just think it causes more problems then it solves.

OP posts: