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Original poster

Ex husband suddenly want release from mortgage now there's no stamp duty.

33 replies

CJ10 · 01/08/2020 19:06

Hi, I'm just looking for some advice, if you can help please? My ex and I got our decree absolute in March, even though we have been separated for 3 and a half years. In our consent order he agreed to keep his name on a mortgage for new property we bought for me and our 2 ds to live in. We left the family home so he could have a percentage of the equity to set himself up in his own place. He was renting for a while, until he moved in with his girlfriend, saying they were on a rent to buy situation. I've since found out that the flat is mortgaged solely in her name. He's always complained that by still being named on this mortgage he woud pay over the odds in stamp duty on a second property, but as I don't work and so couldn't get a mortgage in my sole name he did it to provide a home for our children. However, since the government have eradicated stamp duty due to covid 19 he's been pestering me to see if I can get his name taken off the mortgage. He hasn't said this is the reason why, because he must think I'm stupid. He says it's so he can buy a house so that the boys can have a room each. They're only little and it's one night every 2 weeks, so I can't see that's a problem. Anyway, we're on a fixed rate mortgage until September 2023, he agreed to be on the mortgage until that time on our consent order. Luckily he pays me more than enough in maintenance to cover the monthly payment, as i have been doing for the past 3+ years, but as I have no income from employment would the bank even consider me to be the sole name on it? He wants me to talk to the bank, but I'm worried I'll open a can of worms where they force me to sell as they won't let me pay the mortgage! He even gave me a veiled threat this morning, saying that he has full access to the mortgage and he wouldn't want me to have to sell. I put my blood, sweat and tears into this house to make it a home for my boys as it was a pit, and I wouldn't ever want to sell it! Just for info it does say that it would need both signitures to sell before September '23
Any help or advice would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
elaeocarpus · 01/08/2020 19:22

The consent order says you cant sell before sept 23 unless you both - is that right?

If so he cant make you sell- he'd have to go back to court to vary the order.

But seems to me this is not going away- you need to be working towards self sufficiency before then. Some lenders include maintenance in income, but unless he pays a huge sum it wont be enough on its own for a mortgage- you need to be looking for work/income. Whats the agreed equity split if this house is sold? That will give you an idea of gap you will need to mortgage and income required

NewIdeasToday · 02/08/2020 15:27

How are you going to manage financially if you don’t work?

Climbingallthetrees · 02/08/2020 15:50

Some banks will take maintenance into account to calculate your mortgage, but it does sound unlikely that you’ll get a mortgage on your own. Are you able to get a job or is that not possible?

PeterWeg · 04/08/2020 15:19

I doubt the bank will allow him to take his name off the mortgage without redemption of the loan in full.

PeterWeg · 04/08/2020 16:38

He cannot get you to do anything until 2023, the bank won't allow him to, never mind your agreement preventing it.

sianyb83 · 04/08/2020 17:21

I'm guessing your youngest is at least 3 and a half, why aren't you working?

Its a slightly crazy situation that sounds like your ex-husband is almost fully supporting you...surely even pre-covid you must have thought this wasn't a sustainable situation...

PeterWeg, the bank will 'allow' him - but you will pay a redemption fee - which is 1% of total balance for every year 'early' you are in exiting product....
For you, from September, it will be 3%....so 6,000 on a 200,000 mortgage or 9,000 on a 300,000 mortgage
So depending on what level he is buying at - the early redemption charge will likely mean the stamp duty break isn't as attractive

Heronwatcher · 05/08/2020 08:31

I agree with previous posters that I am afraid you need to think about becoming self sufficient. Could you agree that he stays on the mortgage until 2023 but then comes off and in the meantime you train/ work your way into a new career? Work out how much you need to earn to take the mortgage in your name by then. The situation with your ex sounds like it may get worse (new girlfriend- new family- less maintenance) and you don’t want to be beholden to him indefinitely.

Hollyhead · 05/08/2020 08:35

I don't think the mortgage lender would make you sell in 2023, but they might not let you switch deal, and then you might have to pay a more expensive mortgage. If your ex wants release from the property then he would need to be willing to cover the more expensive payments.

I would talk to a mortgage broker (a really good one) as they might know which lenders would look upon you as a sole named person more favourably etc. How much equity do you have - that makes a difference to how 'risky' a lendee you are too.

HolyForkinShirt · 05/08/2020 12:36

I cant see how a mortgage company would allow you to have the mortgage in your sole name if you have no income?

You need a really good solicitor and mortgage broker.

I can see why your ex wants his name off as he cant buy another property while still attached to yours.

What was our plan going o be in 2023, were you planning to buy him out or sell?

Atadaddicted · 05/08/2020 12:43

Mr ex asked the same
I said yes oN condition he pay the legal fees (£800 in total) and that bank ok with it.

The bank was fine with it
I saved the fees
And it keeps good relations with ex going

Atadaddicted · 05/08/2020 12:44

If you have been paying and never missed a payment and all from maintenance and benefits - then should be fine.

Atadaddicted · 05/08/2020 12:45

It was three face to face meetings with bank on total
And lots of evidence

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2020 12:48

Op even if you said no, what will you do in 2023? At the moment I assume he and the government are supporting you, but you need to think longer term and about how to support yourself. He can apply to the court to have the consent order changed.

Original poster
CJ10 · 05/08/2020 17:55

Hi all, thanks for your replies, I've heard what I needed to hear. And yes I am really looking to be self sufficient, but I'm looking for that magical job that works with your kids, neither of them are happy to go into wraparound care. And luckily ex husband is in a very well paying job so yes, I have never missed or been late with the mortgage payment over the last 3 and a bit years, even though the payments went up just over a year ago. As for equity, I stand to receive 100%, so I know that he is doing this as a real favour to me, we always got on very well. But the fact is he could buy another property, at a well reduced rate. I just wanted to know where I stood to taking it on by myself, to be honest I'd prefer that, as long as the bank knew I could make the payments. So @Atadaddicted, you have made me feel a bit better.
My main fear is if I bring this up with the bank now, as he wants me to, if they find out we're divorced will they kick me off the mortgage?

OP posts:
HolyForkinShirt · 05/08/2020 18:53

@CJ10

Hi all, thanks for your replies, I've heard what I needed to hear. And yes I am really looking to be self sufficient, but I'm looking for that magical job that works with your kids, neither of them are happy to go into wraparound care. And luckily ex husband is in a very well paying job so yes, I have never missed or been late with the mortgage payment over the last 3 and a bit years, even though the payments went up just over a year ago. As for equity, I stand to receive 100%, so I know that he is doing this as a real favour to me, we always got on very well. But the fact is he could buy another property, at a well reduced rate. I just wanted to know where I stood to taking it on by myself, to be honest I'd prefer that, as long as the bank knew I could make the payments. So *@Atadaddicted*, you have made me feel a bit better. My main fear is if I bring this up with the bank now, as he wants me to, if they find out we're divorced will they kick me off the mortgage?
No, being divorced won't affect the mortgage atall. Him coming off will do.

People have mortgages with parents/siblings/friends etc.

cherrybakewells3 · 05/08/2020 19:02

Plenty of single mothers out there who manage to work full time. Sorry but you really need to stand up on your own two feet and pay your own way! You can't be expecting him to fully support you, it's unfair and grabby. He has his own life now. It might be difficult to get used to getting back into work but it's the only way.

Youreadthebabybooks · 05/08/2020 21:06

Kids don’t like going to wrap around ? Well that’s probably true of most children including mine but as a single mum I have to be in a position to financially support myself and at least half the costs of the children.
Needs must and children learn this, more important to have the security of a home and food etc

IsaLain · 05/08/2020 21:29

My kids dont particularly like going to wrap around care but, as a single mum, I need too send them so I can work.

What's your plan as they get older and get more expensive? Or when they age out of maintenance? What if your ex loses his job or, god forbid, does?
If you were still married, you would get the life insurance. What's the insurance situation now? He lives with his gf; if they marry then she would get it and the kids might get something?

You need to start working.

Bateshotel · 05/08/2020 21:53

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ImFree2doasiwant · 05/08/2020 22:05

You won't get a mortgage without an income of your own, regardless of whether you've shown you can pay it. I've recently found out that I can take our mortgage on in my sole name, by the skin of my teeth tbh. I work part time. There no way I'd get it without a job. I have 2 dc, 3 and 5, and no wraparound care whether they liked it or not. (If I could access it, I'd use it)

Monday55 · 05/08/2020 22:12

Most adults don't like working but it's got to be done to survive same thing with wrap around care. The kids might not like it but it has to be done, you're the parent so take control of the situation.

You need to sort your finances out now before it's too late.

carly2803 · 05/08/2020 22:13

you need to get a job OP.
said from another single mum....!

i work, bloody hard, own a house with a big mortgage. No excuses really.
kids adapt to wrap around care.

Kassandra1 · 05/08/2020 22:13

Sounds tough. You wont get in trouble with the bank if they find our you're divorced so that's one good thing.

I have to echo other posters though, what are your plans to become self sufficient? You clearly cant rely on him so I'd really be looking to take any job. Childcare can be a major issue I totally understand but many, many single parents manage it. Do you have family or friends that could help out?

Have you considered part time hours? Did you have a career before children?

hadenoughbleach · 06/08/2020 05:17

It sounds like your ex had been reasonable so far, however what would happen to your finances if he decided to stop paying maintenance with immediate effect, due to you not doing what he has asked?

You actually need to get a job now, not in 2023, both to protect yourself and your DCs, they will have to get used to the wraparound care.

Pluckedpencil · 06/08/2020 05:47

I am married and we both work full time. My kids don't like wraparound care either, but we need to work so they go. Its about survival, you do what is necessary and it may not always be ideal. Don't feel guilty, just get a job and give yourself and your kids that stability.