Ex husband suddenly want release from mortgage now there's no stamp duty.

[CJ10]

Hi, I'm just looking for some advice, if you can help please? My ex and I got our decree absolute in March, even though we have been separated for 3 and a half years. In our consent order he agreed to keep his name on a mortgage for new property we bought for me and our 2 ds to live in. We left the family home so he could have a percentage of the equity to set himself up in his own place. He was renting for a while, until he moved in with his girlfriend, saying they were on a rent to buy situation. I've since found out that the flat is mortgaged solely in her name. He's always complained that by still being named on this mortgage he woud pay over the odds in stamp duty on a second property, but as I don't work and so couldn't get a mortgage in my sole name he did it to provide a home for our children. However, since the government have eradicated stamp duty due to covid 19 he's been pestering me to see if I can get his name taken off the mortgage. He hasn't said this is the reason why, because he must think I'm stupid. He says it's so he can buy a house so that the boys can have a room each. They're only little and it's one night every 2 weeks, so I can't see that's a problem. Anyway, we're on a fixed rate mortgage until September 2023, he agreed to be on the mortgage until that time on our consent order. Luckily he pays me more than enough in maintenance to cover the monthly payment, as i have been doing for the past 3+ years, but as I have no income from employment would the bank even consider me to be the sole name on it? He wants me to talk to the bank, but I'm worried I'll open a can of worms where they force me to sell as they won't let me pay the mortgage! He even gave me a veiled threat this morning, saying that he has full access to the mortgage and he wouldn't want me to have to sell. I put my blood, sweat and tears into this house to make it a home for my boys as it was a pit, and I wouldn't ever want to sell it! Just for info it does say that it would need both signitures to sell before September '23
Any help or advice would be gratefully received.

I was also a bit taken aback by the wraparound care comment...

You need to get a job.

Wow......you seem to have a very nice life set up there for you. A free house and get all the time in the world to spend with your children.

I really can't believe in 2020 these type of arrangements still exist...
My husband isn't willing to take sole responsibility for the mortgage - and we are happily married with 2 DC!
So many women waiting for this dream school hours jobs, it doesn't exist!!
Be proactive and make it work

Honestly OP, how do you think every other working parent in the country manages?

If your ex wants to buy a house with his girlfriend then I would bet my bottom dollar that they are planning a family, which means reductions to your maintenance. You have got to get yourself financially independent now in anticipation.

Op I’m not sure why you’d possibly think you need to be married to have a joint mortgage. You must know that folks buy property with friends, relatives, colleagues etc?

Tell you ex to ask thr bank if he comes off the mortgage and you take it over what financial evidence you’d need and would child maintenance be taken into account, or you ask them.

Who cares if they don't want to go to wraparound care? Who does?!

Its about providing for your family. In 10-15 years your children will look back and see their mum worked her arse off to provide for them and they will be grateful for that

Or they will look back and see mum sponged off dad for however many years rather than getting a job.

What about when your kids start proper school full time? How will you fill your day without any income?

Think about being a good example to your children about working hard.

My advice? Get a job and pay your own way sooner rather than later. There's no reason why he should be bank rolling your life after 3.5 years apart.

I'm a little surprised by the replies here. Surely OP does work - she's a stay at home mum? And so she's not sponging off her ex - he is supporting her and her household while she cares for his children?

Yes I agree it would be much better for her to have security and not rely on her ex partner because he could decide to stop paying at any time. But that is not much different to any stay at home mum who doesn't work. Any marriage can break down. Do you all feel like all stay at home mums are sponging?

And OP is not a single mum. Her
ex husband morally should be providing for his children. And if both parents prefer for the children to be cared for at home rather than in wrap around care, he should be paying her for the care of his children. It's a financial risk, but it's not "sponging".