No commute or no garden with 2-8 year-olds?

[Zezet]

We are relocating to Western Europe next year and the company-allocated housing budget would allow us either to find a place with a garden about 40 minutes away from my work, or a big appartement without a garden close to work.

We will be living there for five years, with two boys that are 2 and 4. We might want a third one but quite undecided.

Would you chose the commute or the garden? For what it's worth, I work long hours, so the hour and a half I would lose is about half of the time I have with my kids during the week. Public parks are plentiful - but on the other hand I can't imagine not giving the children a garden?

By the way, we are currently living without a garden, but in a climate that doesn't allow the children to play outside most of the year, so the question hasn't really come up before.

Have any of you managed to make it work with no garden, and/or a long commute?

How much closer is the commute? If 5 minutes then I would definitely go for the apartment.

Also within 5 years I am guessing both the boys will be attending school for most of the week so it is just evenings and weekends which can be managed by visits to the park.

I would go with the short commute and no garden, especially since there are local parks.

I'd definitely go for the apartment. So much more time, which is scarce with small children. And you're already used to not having a garden.

There's one appartement now that's literally a two-minute walk although it's very much not my style. But as long as we are willing to not have any balcony/terrace/garden, we should be able to find other apartments too that are max. 10 minutes away by bike, I think.

I am not sure at what age kids would be able to play in a park without close supervision..

We've just moved from a city apartment near work to a house with a garden in another town further away. No regrets here. It's not just the garden though - being out of the city means it's quieter, safer, cleaner air, etc. Not sure if that applies to your situation?

It depends on the city really. I've lived in London, Berlin and (briefly) Amsterdam and all three were good for apartment living because they had lots of little playgrounds around for letting off steam. London was particularly good because there were small communal gardens between each building in the development and the toddlers and mums used to go out between dinner and bedtime and the mums would chat and the toddlers would play. I live in Dublin now and there are nice playgrounds but they are generally in large parks so not many of them and further between than other cities. So a garden is useful.

I think in other countries where apartments are far more common, there is a much bigger culture of using communal outdoor spaces. For me it would depend on whether you can find an apartment with a nice park very close by.

We had no garden until ds was 7. We were happy being close to everything including a lovely park. We were often outside because everything was close to us.

We moved to a house with a garden further away from everything. It is lovely and quiet with a nice garden. But I miss being close to work, shops and transport. Ds prefers the house with garden. He loves it here because it is peaceful.

I’m a garden loving person and think kids should have plenty of outdoor time but in your situation, I’d go for the short commute.
I would prioritise having more time with the dcs on a day to day basis.

I’d go for the garden because even with a short commute will you really want to then be standing in a playground or park several times a week after working long hours . At least with a garden you can send the kids out whilst you do the tea / watch tv whatever .

@PlushPlush , I don't think safety would really apply because my job is right in the middle of the city, in the posh part (almost by definition as I work for an international organisation, think UN-type).

I am glad to hear there are some people here who would at least consider the shorter commute - most of my family thought I am nuts for even considering no garden (but then I don't think they quite realise how long my working hours are )!

No commute! I live in an apartment and would love a garden for me BUT if you live in an area without gardens all the kids will be with their friends at the park anyway. I spend half my life at the park and it's the best way to meet people in a new place.

(I'm in Italy).

Short commute every time. We have a 3 year old and no proper garden and it is fine

Can you top up the housing allocation to get something that ticks. Ore boxes?

Have a garden, so the kids have a safe and interesting place to play, grow things, interact with nature, etc. 10 minutes commute by bike is nothing in the UK!

Parks nearby- apartment. Esp if it's a city with proper cycle lanes, so the children have lots of opportunity for outside time. Will they be at nursery during the day or at home with your partner or a nanny?

Apartment 100%. My kids couldn’t care less about the garden. In the city you’ll be taking them to playgrounds where they can play with other kids, improving their language acquisition & your own network. And you will have more time & energy for them because no commute.

My parents uprooted me from our happy city centre apartment life to a boring life in the suburbs for the sake of a garden (for me! 😢) & I was lonely & miserable. No playgrounds to play with other kids, everywhere needed a car etc.

Where would the kids be during your commute? If in nursery or at childminders they aren’t there in the garden anyway!

I think with more time, headspace and less stress you can enjoy time in parks, days out etc. Especially in a country more reliably warm to have tea as a picnic in the park every day, for example.

Be close to work.
The hours extra you get each week will add up to more family time.
You can always find fun things to do with the children if your so near everything.

I’d go for the garden; being able to play outside in the garden even during the chillier months in England has been a saviour for my DD and for my own mental health at times

Close to work. Also if you are in a main European city, most people live in apartments and they all socialise in the park. Your kids will want to see you - not spend hours alone in a garden (I say that as someone who went from no garden / lots of parks to a garden - DC never wanted to play outside alone!!!!). So kids do not value gardens as much as parents do.

I’m in London and it would be a proper family house with a garden for me. 40min commute sounds very reasonable to me. The only friends I know in a central flat with kids decant to their country houses at weekends.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves and @BlouseAndSkirt , they will probably be in nursery during the day and after that closes, with my partner until I get home from work. So they would probably be at home during my commute, but depending on the nursery might have gotten time outside during the day - hard to know until we get there.

@Clymene , I would in theory consider topping up the housing allowance to get short commute + garden, but the problem isn't the budget so much as the lack of availability - these houses don't exist in such a central neighbourhood, unless I'm willing to top up with a few thousand euros, which we obviously don't have.

@FloraGreysteel, 10 minutes if we are happy to not have a garden/balcony/etc. 35-40 minutes at least (each way) to have a garden. But I spent my entire youth in a garden, so it's hard to imagine how we can give that up. But then I didn't grow up in a city and my parents didn't work long hours so the comparison fails.