Incredibly off-putting Rightmove listing!

[FraterculaArctica]

Just who in their right mind thinks it's funny or clever to write estate agent blurb in the first person as though it were the house itself writing? Just been browsing houses in an area we are thinking of moving to, cannot get beyond the first line it's so twee! Reminds me of round robin Christmas letters written as though from the family pet, but 10 times worse!

cakeandchampagne but you could understand an animal ‘talking’ in a human voice as they are sentient beings. A house is not!

OP they seem to have spent so much time writing their "quirky" description that they didn't have time to upload the correct floor plan! The one on the listing shows three bedrooms, not four, and only one reception room.

That second house is crazy. It’s a creepy house. What has been going in there?? It looks like they’ve had lodgers, or it’s a HMO.

Who is Annette and David anyway??

Different! Not sure in a good way.

Good grief, the OP's is weird, but the second one is awful!

Subtle reversible changes? Like orange pine cladding?! Or a god awful kitchen? And why would you make a point of saying you can see into other people's gardens??

The first one is okay, the second one is
Still better than being betwixt anything though.

And I wouldn't fork out £700k for the second one

Yuk - hate it!

The first one really doesn't seem to add up with the floor plan??

And Dave! Really- that house is like a time warp!

It's such a crap layout for a beautiful house in a highly regarded road. I can't think under what circumstances that house would suit anyone other than Annette and Dave!

"A kitchen to die for" - what's the betting someone died in the kitchen and the body is behind the god-awful 70s wood panelling wall?

It looks like Annette and Dave have already moved out, it’s a very strange house. What did they use it for?

I was quite amused by the talking house.

The second house blurb wins the prize though.
From her windows, you can look into other peoples' gardens without feeling overlooked in your own.
Well this isn't creep at all!

Permit parking with an abundance of unrestricted parking nearby.
Oh, can't wait to hear if the new owners are mners. They'll be ranting on AIBU about spending 700k and not being able to park outside their own house.

@Mumsymumphy, I laughed hard!

@AllTheFunAndGames, lots of parking drawings on MN

Permit parking with an abundance of unrestricted parking nearby.

Funnily enough it's where all the people who work in town park

I love a good diagram with a parking thread. Dave had a hat and great boots so it didn't bother him! Annette OTOH used to rant regularly about it

Maybe they genuinely have discovered a sentient, literate house?

I quite like it

The 2nd one is the estate agent taking the piss, surely? It's clearly the house of people who've died hence the kitchen comment. And looks creepy hence the windows .

The price seems mad for what is a doer upper - could be gorgeous.

"Please, please do not poop in any of my toilets"

This is close to Annette and Dave and yet only 25k more misses point thread

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-60206994.html

The first house is nice. The second house has a lot of potential. Even doer uppers are more expensive in popular areas. The EA can dress it up anyway he wants but it's all about the money at the end of the day.

@SwedishEdith Yes that's a much nicer house for not much more (at that price range) and more central and a nice garden.

This is close to Annette and Dave and yet only 25k more

Yes, but it's price is depressed by having really creepy neighbours. If someone buys Annette and Dave's house, they won't have that problem.