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Original poster

Four in a two-bed!

57 replies

Ella1980 · 02/02/2019 04:06

Anyone else?!

Long story short, I moved into a privately rented two-bed with my two small boys five years ago after I left a very abusive husband. Not ideal (damp/mould issues) but all I could afford on my own.

We are still there, but now my fiance lives with us and my boys are now 9 and 11. Up until Jan we both worked ft-myself as a primary teacher and my fiance in social care supporting vulnerable adults. My wage around £23K last year, my fiance's around £22K. Not enough to buy a bigger house. To make matters worse, I now find myself very unexpectedly out of work.

Today online I saw was what would be a decent rental-two bed still, but at least free from damp and mould. Two large double bedrooms. However, when I contacted the letting agent they said the landlord would not take children!!! She also then made me feel awful as she questioned why any family of four would want a two-bed home. She also said she had "more suitable" properties on her books for a rent of between £1,500 and £3,500 per month. My fiance doesn't even earn the lowest of these figures in a month and I only do normally by about an extra £100!!

I feel so inadequate.

Anybody else ever been in a similar situation?

Ella

OP posts:
toasterstrudle · 02/02/2019 04:15

Hi Ella

Are you in a position to relocate at all to somewhere with cheaper cost of living? If you could move to Scotland, primary teachers are on fixed salary scales which would guarantee you a much better wage than £23k (unless you're only just qualified). Other than that I've no real advice except you've done the right thing by your boys to leave an abusive situation, no matter how hard it may seem at times,

Original poster
Ella1980 · 02/02/2019 04:19

I'd love to move but we can't as ex has shared custody of the children.

OP posts:
katycb · 02/02/2019 05:05

We live as a family of 4 in a 2 bed house (we own it rather than rent). However it is 2 big doubles and we have a loft room too as a study (not a bedroom as doesn't have proper stairs) I have twins who are 4 so younger than yours and we are hoping to move as space is getting tight however it isn't awful and we could manage a bit longer I'd hope to have an extra room by the time they are 11. Where in the country are you? You could rent a 3 bed semi near me (Newcastle) for £700pcm

MyNameIsJane · 02/02/2019 06:20

We’ve always lived in a 2 bed house as a family of four. My 2 are 14 & 12. Admittedly, we are now extending the house to make it a 3 bed.

dontevenblink · 02/02/2019 06:20

Hi, we had 4 in a 2 bed for a few years, I don't think it's that uncommon in the UK at all. We moved into the small bedroom so our dc could share the big room. We now have 6 of us in a 3 bed so it could be worse 😁 You just make what you've got work I think. Speak to a different letting agent, I'm sure other families of 4 rent 2 beds.

I sympathise with the mould, ours can be quite bad in the winter (not in UK now and houses here are a bit like sheds). We run a couple of dehumidifiers which we find helps a lot.

jjemimapuddleduck · 02/02/2019 06:24

Ha, we own but have 5 in a 2 bed! It's not recommended and we (the parents, not the kids) are miserable, but we are trying. Some people have no empathy or understanding.

Bringbackthestripes · 02/02/2019 06:36

Look at different letting agencies! At the end of the day it is a business and she is just trying to upsell.

We grew up in a 2 bed when my parents divorced and we were 3 kids so when, after a few years DM met her partner we were 5 people in a two bed don’t let her make you feel bad, she was just pushing for more revenue and trying to offload bigger properties.

I hope you find a new job & house soon so you can get away from the mould.

MaudebeGonne · 02/02/2019 06:50

We are a family of 4 in a 2 bed flat. It is what we can afford at the moment. We did get rid of masses of clutter though, and that has made it feel much less crowded.

mum2015 · 02/02/2019 09:01

OP,
We were a family of 4 in two bed flat or house all my childhood including studying in uni and I always shared room with my brother. We were all happy and no one ever said anything or at least my parents never mentioned to us.

redcaryellowcar · 02/02/2019 09:09

I think two bedrooms is fine, the mould however is not. I agree better to move if at all possible, to somewhere safer for your health. Remember Letting agents are there to sell/ rent property, sadly not to be realistic. I think it's better to compromise on bedrooms space, than getting into debt etc. I'm sorry to hear about your job.

Uptheduffy · 02/02/2019 17:21

Are you doing supply now? That sounds like a very low wage for full time teaching. Renting is nearly always more expensive than a mortgage. Until recently we had four in two bedrooms (and bedroom 2 was tiny, had to have bunk beds) and we are glad to have moved but did it for about 5 years. Was fine

CinnamonToaster · 02/02/2019 17:58

Don't take what agents say too literally. She was just trying to sell you a more expensive house. It's really normal for same-sex siblings to share. Ours are opposite sex but we chose for them to share when when they were smaller.

AwkwardPaws27 · 02/02/2019 17:59

If you had a boy and a girl, I could understand the need for separate bedrooms, but there's no reason two boys of a similar age can't share. Maybe give them the bigger room so they have more space, but there's no need to feel bad about it. I and plenty of my friends shared with a sibling until we left home.

Original poster
Ella1980 · 02/02/2019 18:18

Thank you for your reassuring messages, I just can't help feeling a failure as a mum.

I hate living here and it is quite an expensive part of the county but moving isn't possible.

My salary last year was low because the previous year I was made redundant after 13 years teaching in the same school and had to urgently take anything I could find-this meant I was a HLTA for six months at a special school until I got promoted back up to class teacher.

We can't get a mortgage as unexpectedly I find myself out of work. So until this changes we are stuck. I'm currently trying to get some supply teaching but the process to get on books is quite a lengthy one.

I just hate feeling my ex can provide the boys with everything they have ever dreamed of financially whereas we cannot 😢

OP posts:
MyNameIsJane · 02/02/2019 20:04

Aw, Ella Flowers - I guess it feels unfair to you. You want the best for them and your boys will know that. You’re definitely not a failure, you’ve been dealt a duff hand. I wish you luck with finding work. Smile

Original poster
Ella1980 · 02/02/2019 20:31

Thank you. I have very dark days but I try to look for the positives. I know I am blessed with a great family x

OP posts:
CinnamonToaster · 02/02/2019 21:17

And your family is blessed by having you.

You've had a bad year, it's not a personal failing. How do you feel about your own childhood? Do you think your parent would have failed you if they'd earned less?

SavoyCabbage · 02/02/2019 21:28

There is absolutely nothing odd at all about four people living in a two bedroom house!

I’m a supply teacher and there is a lot of work. Day to day and longer term stuff too. I’m really choosy and I get more than enough work.

Treacletoots · 02/02/2019 21:33

Out of your post I am most concerned about your mould issues. As a landlord, I would be mortified that a family with young children had to put up with this. From time to time we get mould in the house, some because the tenants don't adequately heat and vent and others because the guttering was leaking, which we fixed ASAP.

We live in a 2 bed house ourselves ironically and we're just discussing this week that it used to be the norm to share a bedroom with a sibling particularly one of the same sex. The kids who got their own rooms were considered quite posh. However now everyone expects everything, all the time whether or not they can actually afford it!

Do take steps to look into what could be causing your mould and try and discuss with your landlord. They likely don't want a property with damp as it it will ruin the property as well as your health!

But most importantly please don't feel you've failed. You love your dcs and are there for them, that's what's really important. Not how big your house is

Dandelio · 02/02/2019 21:42

It's fine. There was a period when houses were more affordable than they are now when people could afford a room per child so some people have come to think it's an absolute necessity, but really it's fine.

Original poster
Ella1980 · 02/02/2019 22:27

The mould is terrible as is the damp. Basically it's due to a number of issues, one of them being a flat roof. Landlord couldn't care less. He has promised us a damp expert will come and have a look but it never happens 😢

Four in a two-bed!
Four in a two-bed!
Four in a two-bed!
OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 03/02/2019 10:22

Is it worth contacting environmental health about the damp? I thought they could force landlords to sort damp issues due to the danger. Or contact the housing standards team at the council. This link has lots of info and a letter template.

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/repairs/damp_and_mould_in_rented_homes

Chewbecca · 03/02/2019 10:28

That mould is totally unacceptable. But four in a two bed is fine, the EA was just trying to upsell.

HorseDoorBolted · 03/02/2019 10:44

Just came in the say the same as others - kids who got their own bedroom are posh! That’s what we thought Smile

Some lovely support on this thread, you’re not alone.

Treacletoots · 03/02/2019 16:28

Yes. I don't think that's a heating/ventilation caused mould but it couldn't hurt to clean it off with the proper HG mould spray and paint over with mould paint in the meantime.

Do speak to your council as well. This is not acceptable and your landlord needs to work with you to resolve it!