Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Four in a two-bed!

57 replies

Ella1980 · 02/02/2019 04:06

Anyone else?!

Long story short, I moved into a privately rented two-bed with my two small boys five years ago after I left a very abusive husband. Not ideal (damp/mould issues) but all I could afford on my own.

We are still there, but now my fiance lives with us and my boys are now 9 and 11. Up until Jan we both worked ft-myself as a primary teacher and my fiance in social care supporting vulnerable adults. My wage around £23K last year, my fiance's around £22K. Not enough to buy a bigger house. To make matters worse, I now find myself very unexpectedly out of work.

Today online I saw was what would be a decent rental-two bed still, but at least free from damp and mould. Two large double bedrooms. However, when I contacted the letting agent they said the landlord would not take children!!! She also then made me feel awful as she questioned why any family of four would want a two-bed home. She also said she had "more suitable" properties on her books for a rent of between £1,500 and £3,500 per month. My fiance doesn't even earn the lowest of these figures in a month and I only do normally by about an extra £100!!

I feel so inadequate.

Anybody else ever been in a similar situation?

Ella

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella1980 · 03/02/2019 17:14

Thanks all. I clean frequently with mould spray but it just comes back. The curtains, nets and sills get covered in black spots too. If it was a council owned property I'd go to them and they'd sort it, but as it's privately rented I don't know what else we can do?

OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 03/02/2019 18:32

It doesn’t matter that it’s not council and you rent privately. I posted a link above, this bit is specifically re private renting.

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/repairs/complain_to_environmental_health_about_rented_housing

Original poster
Ella1980 · 03/02/2019 20:32

That's brilliant, I'll definitely chase that up. The landlord just thinks he can get away with whatever he likes. I have been here five years and he has hardly done anything at all re maintenance. I just went to get my little boy's lunchbag out of the conservatory and it's totally covered in mould 😢

OP posts:
Chipbutty67 · 04/02/2019 10:54

Hey, just chiming in the same as everyone else, the letting agent was just trying to sell a more expensive property. We have always lived as 4 in a 2 bed and we're very comfortable.

Mrsfrumble · 04/02/2019 11:06

Yup, we’re 4 in a 2 bed too. Opposite sex siblings, too, but young enough to be happy sharing thankfully.

Don’t be put off looking for a new 2 bed if that’s what you can afford. Agents really shouldn’t be commenting on your circumstances as it’s none of their business, as long as you can pay the rent and don’t trash the place. And while some landlords don’t like renting to families with children, others actually prefer it as they’re more likely to stay put for a few years.

Vinylsamso · 04/02/2019 11:21

Eurgh, this is all down to blatant snobbery! If their was no one in the World to judge you, you'de feel absolutely fine in a two bed and it wouldn't have crossed your mind it was a problem. You'll all be closer for it! I have a friend with a three bed but keeps her boys together in one room and uses the other as a spare. Because it's a choice- she feels no shame. Drop the shame, you're warm, you're with you're family, all is good.

The landlords are scared of this situation as it can sometimes indicate money problems which is worrying for a landlord. Just keep plugging away looking for a landlord that will take you.
There is absolutely no shame in two people out working and providing a safe warm house for their children!!!

This happened to the cleaner at my work. No one would give her a two bed because she had two kids. I think it's bloody awful and awful that she felt the need to discuss it with me to try and figure out whether she was committing some kind of sin. Crappy World we live in.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/02/2019 11:24

For most of my childhood we had 7 then 6 people in a 3 bedroom house. It was fine, nothing wrong with sharing.

Mrsfrumble · 04/02/2019 11:36

The landlords are scared of this situation as it can sometimes indicate money problems which is worrying for a landlord.

Which is unnecessary, and why most letting agencies have extensive reference and finance checking systems in place.

Vinylsamso · 04/02/2019 11:55

landlords can get stung my anyone that gets through the checks and it happens regularly. They and the agents are bound to put their own stereotypes in place as well if it threatens their own livelihood. I'd say try to get a private let. I think if you can meet someone face to face and show you're a decent family you can get round the "computer says no" mentality.

KatherinaMinola · 04/02/2019 12:01

Very common to have four in a two-bed. The lettings agent was just trying to upsell you.

It is less hassle for an agent/owner to get a professional couple into a property rather than a family of four - less wear and tear on the property. However careful you are, very basic things like four people showering, using the w/m and drying clothes creates wear and tear.

But equally there will be owners who want a long, stable let, and a family with school-aged children is a good bet for this, so keep looking.

Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 13:06

Thanks all. I've had enough of being judged and ultimately I feel like a complete failure as a mum. I'm thinking of asking my ex if he'll take the boys full time as I know he can give them a nice home they won't be embarrassed by.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 13:10

Clearly renting entirely problem-free for five years without ever once defaulting on a payment (even when I was single for four of those years) counts for nothing. We're on a low income with kids so therefore we're bound to be trouble 😠

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 04/02/2019 13:19

We’re 6 in a three bed! It’s a squash but it’s fine. Housing is expensive. Please ignore the silly EA and don’t worry about your kids being embarrassed. There’s no way. And I think it would be much harder for them to not live with you than share a room. Flowers

Farmerswifey12 · 04/02/2019 13:22

My first thought was that she was just trying to upsell you a bigger more expensive property!

Try not to feel inadequate- 2 children of the same gender, with only 2 years age difference sharing a room seems perfectly acceptable to me. 2 of mine share.

HauntedPencil · 04/02/2019 13:25

It's very very common to have a 2 bed with 3 sharing a room, really not worth commenting on. At a guess she was probably hoping to shift another more expensive house off the books.

I would actually look around I think, you shouldn't be putting up with the mould good luck with finding something

DustyDoorframes · 04/02/2019 13:27

Oh ella that's horrible to feel that way! Your DC are well loved and looked after, that's much more important than having their own rooms!
(Ps- if you ex can afford lots of room... is he paying enough maintenance???)

Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 13:32

He doesn't pay anything as he got shared care. He's in a huge five bed with four bathrooms!

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 04/02/2019 13:58

Grrr how annoying! Bet your DC would rather still have you than all the bathrooms in the world. And I imagine when they get older they’ll notice how unfair to you the disparity is.

DustyDoorframes · 04/02/2019 14:16

So they can prance about their separate bathrooms there, and cozy up at yours. They are sorted! V tough on you but clover for them- they get the best of both worlds. Thanks

Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 14:38

Aw thanks guys. I'm going to ask the ex how he feels about me signing over custody. It will be hard for me of course, but I have to do what is right for my children. It's not right for them to live with damp and mould and a sad mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 14:39

Hopefully it will stop him bullying as well.

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 04/02/2019 15:13

Ohhh Ella don’t give up! Do you think it would worth having a chat your GP? It sounds like all of this stuff is (understandably) getting you down and that it’s gained out of proportion importance in your head. If your ex bullies you he might bully the kids too. Don’t let him have sole responsibility for their emotional welfare. They deserve to have you looking after them too.

Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 15:49

Oh he did. And he does. But the reality is he's allowed to because the courts aren't interested in abuse unless it's physical. He's always messaging me demanding money and trying to turn the boys against me. When my fiance first moved ex he told them (and the school nurse) that he was a paedophile. As long as he has custody he will never go away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella1980 · 04/02/2019 16:08

I did see my GP but they want me to take medication which I don't want to do. I am having weekly counselling finally but it's not really helping as he never goes away. I've irreparably damaged my teeth and in a lot of pain with my jaw (teeth clamping due to stress) and average 3 hours sleep on a good night. When I do sleep I have flashbacks of the things he used to do like take my money out of my purse so I couldn't buy food and wake me up at 2 am demanding I clean the oven. He also used to follow me a lot when I first left him and would say "revenge is sweet" so that's another thing I have nightmares about. He has tried to take my car off the drive but I got a steering wheel lock for it. The list goes on.

OP posts:
PorpentinaScamander · 04/02/2019 16:10

We have 4 in a 2 bed.
Me and DP
And 2 DS ages 14 and 12.
It's fine. The only thing we need is another toilet because we all love really really long baths!

Swipe left for the next trending thread