The house that got away

[JCBluebell]

Hi, I'm looking for a bit of advice on getting over the house that got away.

Count your blessings.

Thanks. I do. I've since bought a different house for my little daughter and I. We've been living in a one bed flat up until now. The new house is a good wee house but I'm finding I'm still heartbroken over the bungalow I fell in love with a while back and didn't get. I know I need to move on but I can't help thinking of all the reasons it would have been perfect for my wee daughter and me and it's really bringing me down.

What made it so perfect?

The layout, a massive garden overlooking fields, just up the road from a nice primary school, near my best friend/ child minder, near a lovely beach, big, bright kitchen, pretty features. The new house is nice, in our home town but has more drawbacks and cost more.

How long have you been at your new house? Takes a while for a house to feel like a home and when it does you’ll only want your home and not the other house. Well done on securing somewhere for you and your daughter.

Hi, sorry you lost out on your dream house.

We did too when our buyer pulled out. Today I went to see another property three doors down from it but it only made me feel worse to be honest.

So no real advice, but I totally get how you’re feeling.

Difficult one, if the house that got away was a lot better it will be hard to get over it but not impossible, the only thing is time and trying not to dwell on it otherwise you will just feel bitter, do something positive for the house you are in, plan your new decor, have the attitude you are moving forward with your life and the bungalow was just not meant for you.

Make it your own. There'll be a reason you missed out on the other one.
Think of the good reasons you bought your current house.
For one thing, presumably it's you and DDS first little house together
cant stand bungalows

I recently had a house that got away. It really was a magical dream house. Nothing compared when looking at others. Now the strangest thing but I had a call last week to ask if I'd like to look again as the buyer has had to pull out right at 11th hour. I was jumping up and down with excitement and went to look again that day. And do you know what? It wasn't my dream house anymore. The kitchen was dark and pokey and the garden wasn't as private as I'd first thought. So that's that

I agree with a pp, there is a reason you didn't get the other one. It wasn't meant to be. The trouble with house buying is that a financial decision shouldn't be so emotionally laden, the two things really shouldn't go together...

If you're on your own with your DD a massive garden would have been a mixed blessing as they are such a huge amount of work to keep on top of! Unless you love gardening and have tons of free time you might had a lucky escape there!

Must add that I also agree with the notion, and it has certainly been my experience in life - that everything happens for a reason.

I still think of one I lost over 35 years ago. In my minds eye I can still see the interior and remember how excited I was. The only thing it did was to ensure I never over invested in a potential property again, and I would never make plans until the keys were in my hot little hand. I also try and rationalise it by thinking that whats for you won't pass you by.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I hope you're right, Silentelf. We only got the keys last week so I'm hoping when we get settled in I'll warm to it. MovingtoLondon, I'm so sorry you've been going through a similar thing. It's horrible. I really hope you find somewhere you love more. Thank you for sharing. BettyBoo, that's good advice. This morning we have been putting stuff in bags for charity shops to make space for Christmas toys and things! The new house needs rewiring and other things so I'm going to get a guy out this week. Monty, I love that you can't stand bungalows! Yes it's our first proper house together. My wee girl is 20 months and it's time to move on from the flat (which was my dream home when I was in my own!) Waitinggame, that's a comforting story! Funny how our minds can play tricks when something becomes out of reach. Maybe the bungalow wasn't as perfect as I remember. I guess I just felt so sure about it and very unsure about anywhere else.

Sorry, I've just seen more replies. Thank you! Bluesheep, I agree it is a weird mix of head and heart. But both my head and heart were jumping on the bungalow. Mysteryfairy, yes I wondered about that too. I'm a terrible gardener! I wish I was better at it. I suppose it's lack of free time as you say. My daughter's dad stays with us half the week and would do a bit of grass cutting or tree hacking where needed! Lucisky, I'm sure I'll still be thinking of that damn bungalow in 35 years time! Yes, I was guilty of planning our lives there, from my kid's school to play dates in the garden to my mum moving in if she's left alone, to my sister moving in when we're old and frail and all the kids have left us!

Hah Bluebell that's long range dreaming! In reality you'd most likely have-
Struggled with the garden
Discovered an unlikely allergy to something growing in it
Had to deal with something madly expensive to do with the roof
Your mother would have taken offence at it due to the lack of stairs and refused to move in
And your sister decided to retire to Florida.

Heh... tricky stuff. In reality- it got away. It's just one of those things that is out of reach, like a townhouse overlooking Hyde park, or a mansion in Beverly Hills. Easier not to pine for those, but it's just the same, really (and I bet it actually wasn't as nice as you've made it in your head)

I'm not a believer in woo stuff, but house buying and selling is so random and stressful that I've always tried to maintain that whatever was meant to be, will be.

So there was a reason that you didnt' get the house you thought was your dream home. Perhaps you'll become best friends with your new next-door-neighbour, who you would never have met if you lived in the other place, or something similar?

Thanks for making me smile, MessySurfaces. Yes, I know I worry about things to far ahead and maybe there would have been problems I didn't see. Olennas, I was thinking the same thing, or trying to, that we might meet people in our new road who we are meant to meet. Or the wee one might go to a different school or make different friends. I just hope I haven't made a big mistake. I feel really sickeningly guilty for not being more on the ball with my house hunt and missing out on somewhere special for my kid to grow up. I didn't see the house until it had been on for a week and a half and the next day it just all happened so fast and I made 2 bids but before I had time to think, the vendor was accepting another offer. It went for 21 over the asking price. I would have gone higher as I really think it was quite a bit under valued, but I guess she didn't want to go with a last minute bidder. Anyway, the agent told me the buyer was determined and money was no object to her. Still, I bet my wee girl could have won the vendor over if she'd met her! But it's actually nice to think someone who loved the bungalow got it and will hopefully be happy there. It didn't have to be us. (I just wish it was!)

Ps. One of the new neighbours told us there are a lot of kids in the cul de sac there and they play out together. You can also walk to the small town and the train station. The bungalow was maybe a little more cut off for a kid. Idyllic location in many ways but your mummy would have to drive you everywhere till you were 17! This is me clutching at straws to convince myself it's for the best. Pps. How do you nip to the loo when you've only an upstairs bathroom and your toddler screams when you leave the room? Bring her upstairs with you every time? I've realised I've actually never lived in a house with stairs!

Oh, long term not having to drive everywhere is a big advantage! (We live somewhere that requires us to drive the kids all the time - it gets old very quickly....)

Yes, either take them with you every time, or steel your nerves and deal with the screaming (or, as I did, a combination of both, depending on circumstances)

Hi guys, I don't know if anyone is still interested in this thread, but I am STILL gutted about missing out on the little house I loved. I found out yesterday from someone who lives near there that the family who bought the house are not even going to live there! They are only using it as a holiday home so my little dream family home will be lying empty most of the time. I was trying to console myself with thinking at least some wee family will live happily there, but now it just feels like such a waste. I was in the area yesterday with my little daughter visiting the play park across the road and walking through the glen to the pretty village for a cuppa. My daughter had so much fun there putting her toy rabbit down the slides and running through the mud. It's an idyllic spot. I feel so annoyed with myself for letting it send me into a sort of depression. I wish I could let it go.

I'm sorry you are still so upset.

To me the house you bought sounds lovely for your daughter. My parents moved to an "idyllic" village when I was 13. I hated it. Didn't know anyone, nothing to do, nowhere to go. Your daughter will have a charmed childhood playing out, and able to go places when she is bigger. You said back in Nov that that was clutching at straws. I disagree, I think that sort of thing matters a great deal. Children never care about house features or layout, they remember the things they did and the people they did them with.

Bear in mind, too, that you will never get to see the reality of living in the bungalow. It might need a total rewire, the boiler might go bang, the central heating might be awful, it might develop subsidence or damp or dry rot, or some really disgusting problem with the sewers. You're comparing an idealised dream with reality. The reality of the bungalow might not be so idyllic. I know the people who bought our "one that got away". They are always doing something urgent and expensive to it. It's a gorgeous house and I still love to visit, but I don't think we could afford the maintenance, or want the stress.

Really feel for you OP, but try and look at it another way, the bungalow would never have been yours no matter what you did, the people who have bought it have more financial clout than you, it’s a holiday home, they have cash to burn, they would always have out bid you, you never lost the bungalow it was always going to be theirs, so you need to stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up, it was never going to happen through no fault of your own, in a way the fact that it’s a holiday home should make you feel better, now you know you were never on a level playing field it should be easier to move on from it.

Morning op. You have a nice house now, and keeping focusing on the other one stops you appreciating what you do have, enjoying what you do have.

You do need to force your mind away from it and you need to think of all, the positives of the home you and your daughter have together.

Can you do something to make it feels more yours? Pictures, throws, cushions, just stuff you and your daughter pick out together, and to force you to start thinking about what you do have? Maybe even paint a room, make it a place yoy love and all yours.

OP
I have been through a phase with similar thought process as you. I was so gutted, thought about it for couple of months. It is a phase and It would pass. The play area where your daughter enjoyed playing, you could still visit. One thing that helped me was just imagine that the house was sold before I even started looking. I don't think about all the euromillion I buy and someone else wins, so why the house that someone else got. Whoever has got it has just the building they don't live in it. You have got a new home and lovely daughter to enjoy with her.