Has anyone bought a house, regretted it and then moved?

[Gogsie4]

I’m still in a pickle about this house move that I regret badly. Has this happened to any of you and how did it all turn out?

Many thanks guys xx

Youre horrible for calling her whinging and distasteful. Plenty of women post about abortion. Ivf users do not pounce on them because they are able to conceive. People are allowed to be unhappy.
And its counselling btw

@Gogsie4

Firstly, sorry to hear that you hate your house. I'm terrified that this might happen to me if I make a head over heart decision. Can I ask when these feelings of doubt set in?

Secondly, I'm an architect and we use Oscar Newman's 'defensible space' theory when redeveloping big council estates. Here it is very briefly; Oscar Newman was an american architect and social theorist and spent his career trying to develop a strategy on how to improve the relationship between people who live in council housing with their homes. People who 'hate' where they live often feel disconnected in some way from the houses they live in, they don't see it as 'home' and they don't feel a sense of ownership over the place.
The scientifically proven way of reversing this pattern is to physically engage or change your home.

You have said that your home doesn't need any work, so here are my suggestions;

How about you paint it room by room? But you have to physically paint it yourself. Pick a room you spend most time in, go on farrow & ball website (they've got so much inspirational imagery) Spend some time fantasising what this room could be like if you painted it X color. Go out and buy the paint and then learn each nook and cranny/imperfection of this room by painting it yourself. You will feel a sense of ownership, that you've made this decision, you've picked this color and this is the result.

Another trick is if you have a garden, do some research based on wether its south/north/east/west facing and pick some plants/flowers you love. Plant these and take care of these this summer. You will again start feeling a sense of ownership of the garden/house because you've invested time and money purchasing the plants.

I really hope this helps, I understand that F&B might be on the expensive side and you can look into other paints on a budget, but buying a bucket of paint is cheaper than having to move, so please try this and see how you feel! And as other posters have said, therapy might also be a good idea!

I bought a house, worked hard at renovating it, moved in just as I was about to give birth and then had so many regrets.

We found the neighbours weren't nice and I missed being closer to my family.

A year on and it's working out.

I was close to sell up at one point but we've worked hard at getting the house and getting it right and we would never find something like it that we could afford in a preferred area.

The more I'm making other changes to help me have more positive thinking of the house and area the more it's feeling like home.

buildingthings I love that advice - I've never really felt a house is 'mine' until I've lived in it for a few months, seen where the light goes, changed some of the paint colours so that I feel like I'm stepping into my own space when I come home. I second Farrow & Ball for colour ideas - Little Greene is also a paint company with an inspirational website. If you don't want to start painting, there's a lot you can do in six months with pots and planters: I've got older I've 'got' gardening and why friends find it so satisfying: there's something really soothing and rewarding about taking a small plant and helping it grow, seeing the garden change with the seasons and knowing you had a part in it. It doesn't have to be landscape gardening - you could have your own little vegetable bed?

OP, I haven't read your other threads but bereavement and moving house are two huge emotional upheavals to deal with separately, let alone in the same timeframe. It reads as if your mum's death and this house - and maybe your sense of identity as it relates to your late mum and what she stands for in your heart - are tangled up together, and you're focusing all your pain on the one thing you can change/legitimately hate, which is the house. You were never going to be ecstatic at moving into your new home, because you're still deep in grief. I agree with PP who've urged you to find outside counselling to try to find a way through this really tough readjustment period.

@Gogsie4 how are you feeling about everything now?

Not as strong as hated but disliked for a number of reasons.

Started on day of completion having bailiff turn up with repo order for previous owners. Add to it Information from a very honest post lady enabled us to fill in a lot of gaps.

But we had the last laugh as done it up and sold it on 2-3 years later for considerable profit.

Many lenders don't enforce a strict six month no resale rule, it's not a legal requirement. Your property is not unmortgageable.

I don't understand what the issue is. If you don't like your house you move no matter how short a time you've been in. So what?

We relocated for a job and I didn't like the area, but I knew that it had to be done and changing the house wasn't going to change the basics! It does sound a bit as if you have made your mind up that you are never going to like the house and that's the issue really. Your DH likes the house, what about your children - do they like it?

Have you been like this about other things in your life, OP? It does seem to be tied up with grief for you (sorry for your loss) but I am wondering if this is a pattern for you - slightly over-focused on one issue and once that is fixed it is replaced with another? You have been there a very short amount of time if it's less than 6 months, and the first year of a bereavement is very hard.

That’s a really nice and interesting post @BuildingThings

However I do suspect that the OP may be projecting her grief into the house. Looking back when I moved and had a relationship breakdown at the same time, I put all my stress into the house. All I could see were the bad bits and none of the good bits. Tiny things became massive things to me. I thought I was behaving totally normally and it WAS tbe house I hated.

Anyway, turns out I don’t hate the house and when I became more on an even keel I grew to like the house and love bits of it.

What helped? I did actually do as BuildingThings suggested and painted the entire house (half myself, not all!) and had a new bathroom and new carpets and due to the circumstances I had to buy new furniture.

I had friends and family to stay, my friends were a great support in coming round with a bottle of wine and having a laugh with me and being nice about the house.

Oh, then winter ended and it became summer, and the beautiful garden was revealed out of the winter grimness. The house really isn’t nice in winter (freezing poorly constructed extension) but in summer it’s lovely.

Moving house is stressful. Grief is stressful.

If you still feel like this in 6 months Op then just move. Your DP has said he will. Make a plan. Save money up. But in the meantime maybe make one room really nice so you feel you have one space that is good for your soul.

Honestly if you’d asked me straight after I moved in I’d have torn you to shreds for suggesting my emotional state was affecting my views of the house... turns out it totally was!

@Gogsie4
I've only just read your thread from 2018, but can you tell us what the outcome was? I have just moved and regret it bitterly, I hope you had a happy ending

@Bluesandwhites
sorry, I’m not the op, but I have been in you situation and really sympathise , with me it took a couple of years of hating living there, and then I did gradually grow to love it! We sold it a year and a half ago.
we moved to a new place last November and I loved it from the start, even though it needs lots doing still. I was distraught in the previous house, and felt panicky, wanting to sell up. We stuck with it and as I say, it ended up being great.

I think when you’re grieving you can lurch from rash decision to rash decision. I think it might be helpful to set a date (I would give it a year from the move) and use that time to improve the house and personalise it a little. Don’t invest too much money unless it’ll be reflected in house price increase. Change mindset from focussing on moving to staying and that will help you invest emotionally and stop each day dragging. If after a year you don’t feel differently you can put it back on the market.
I do get it. We had a purchase fall through, my mum died and we almost bought a house which in retrospect would have been wrong for many reasons. Luckily that one fell through and now I’m in a house I love. But even that has been strange and difficult as all my memories of mum are in the old house.

@Mintine
Thankyou! Using my phone atm, have left laptop at home, spending time with family 60 miles away, I need to live in my “mistake” for 6 months due to money laundering laws, or it will affect a buyer who needs a mortgage, thanks again,

yes...bought a very cheap flat in south london....total bargain...hated the area and neighbours ...traffic....all of it....let it out within a few months and moved home to parents as closer to my job....no idea why i bought the flat as the commute was awful....i guess it was super cheap....sold it 7 or 8 years later and made 60k...

Life is too short to be unhappy, being happy where you live is so important. If you have tried to make the home your own, decorated, tried to put your stamp on it and it still doesn’t feel right. Then move. You don’t need permission from anyone.

We relocated and downsized last year, we are all very happy and settled in our new home and area, but it took about 3-4mths to fully settle. I did worry about such a big move, I spoke to a friend, who had moved a lot over the years, when I was worried if we were doing the right thing etc. the advice she gave me was, if you don’t like it, you can move again. She was right, I think there is so much pressure with this phrase that I think is totally ridiculous and unrealistic “forever home”. Most homes aren’t forever, circumstances change in life and you need to adapt.

It’s your life do what’s right for you

🧟‍♂️ Resurrected zombie thread⚠️

We moved into a house in December and realized over past few months that it isn’t right, too remote and too far from family and decided to put it on the market, which it went on last week just before the six month cut off, but we figure it is gonna take a while to find a buyer and get everything finalized etc. as it is an unusual house (very big, no garden and parking) in a rural area in Northumberland. Fingers crossed we can find a buyer and be nearer family soon. Hoping we just break even really so as to avoid an expensive mistake, but it is really the right thing to do.