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Original poster

Has anyone bought a house, regretted it and then moved?

68 replies

Gogsie4 · 18/07/2018 17:37

I’m still in a pickle about this house move that I regret badly. Has this happened to any of you and how did it all turn out?

Many thanks guys xx

OP posts:
SporkInTheToaster · 18/07/2018 19:41

Fair enough. I hope you find what you are looking for, OPSmile

mynameisupsydaisy · 18/07/2018 19:49

I hated my house when we moved it.
The owners had left it filthy, stained carpets, food and drink spilt up walls, the bathrooms were black, kitchen cupboards full of hair and crumbs.
It is much bigger than our old house and I hated that the kids rooms were so far away from ours. I missed our old lovely neighbours and our old street.
I hated that our bedroom didn’t overlook the front so I couldn’t keep an ear out for anything dodgy going on outside! It’s a nice area but I was paranoid being on the back of the house.
I cried for about a week.
Then we started doing the house up. We’ve decorated every room, new bathrooms, new flooring etc.
It finally feels like our house and I quite like it now.
Why don’t you try and put your own stamp on it? Decorate some rooms and see how you feel?
I know that this house isn’t our forever house, but I don’t feel the need to immediately move anymore.

Tomboytown · 18/07/2018 20:01

If you put it in the market now, it might not go through for 6 months. Also, you might get a buyer that doesn't need a mortgage. From what I've just read, this 6 months looks like a guideline, not a law, or set in stone.

Personally, I'd give it a bit of time, check with your lender about how long before you could port your mortgage.

No harm in looking or getting your ducks in a row to sell in a couple of months.

User183737 · 18/07/2018 20:28

But it doesnt matter what you think, with respect, as you can easily hide the thread. She is obviously in a shit place tonight and wants some company to talk about a situation she cant discuss at home. It wont change anything but might make her feel better, i think?

OhCarrieMathison · 18/07/2018 20:33

I regretted buying ours instantly but due to buying with an interest only mortgage and house prices crashing we were stuck.
10 years on and I've grown to like it more. My children are settled. We have nice neighbours and have made our house a home.
I'm now really torn as to whether I would want to move.

Original poster
Gogsie4 · 18/07/2018 20:35

Thank you user183737 I appreciate that xxxx

OP posts:
nearlyfiftyjeez · 18/07/2018 20:49

We made TWO huge mistakes, lost money on both and both mistakes were made during the death of parents.

You can not be held responsible because when you are in the fog of serious life changing bereavements you make rash decisions and can not be entirely accountable for anything.

We have a rule now, no moves or big decisions in the first year of bereavement. End of.

Chalk up the loss if there is one (hopefully not) this house is mired with your loss it is unlikely to ever be a happy place for you.
Your dh should be more understanding. It is a house that is all, your peace of mind and happiness matters more.

Original poster
Gogsie4 · 18/07/2018 21:17

Nearlyfiftyjeez That’s exactly how I feel and yes home is where the heart is and my heart will never be here as I’ll always see it as a mistake and a reminder of a very tough time x

OP posts:
SporkInTheToaster · 18/07/2018 21:19

User was that it doesn’t matter what you think directed at me following my 19:28 post? You are right, it doesn’t matter what any of us think, after all, this is an anonymous public forum, people are free to post what they want (within guidelines).

I haven’t read the OP’s previous threads, as far as I can recall. My 19:28 post stating why I was querying the value of a third thread with (I assume) the same/similar responses, was in response to your ‘why so snarky’ post, perhaps I should have made that clearer by including your name in it. I wasn’t ‘being snarky’, the OP stated that they wanted to hear from people in similar positions, I wondered whether they already had on previous threads (and what the value of more stories was).

The OP has since said that she finds the stories reassuring and so I have wished her well. As far as I’m concerned, this is done. You can put your white charger back in the stable Hmm

User183737 · 18/07/2018 21:23

No it was a general comment and not aimed to you Toaster. I was talking to the op. I understood your response the first time, i was trying to reassure her as she felt a pain for posting another thread is all.

jgm · 18/07/2018 22:20

I do feel for you, I'm not great with irreversible decisions full stop - I do worry that if / when we move house I'll regret it and want to move back again! From your posts it's clear that you want to move, and I don't think any amount of people telling you they hated their house but now love it will change your mind. I would work on that basis if your husband agrees and get the ball rolling now.

Tobermory · 19/07/2018 16:15

Gogsie, i can relate to a lot of what you have written. Ive started a thread today about my indecision in choosing our next house.

We are just selling a house that we've lived in for three years, a house that we moved to after selling the house that my late DF built and was my childhood home (both my parents died) so the feelings of grief related to houses are very real to me

Three years ago, i was exactly where you are now.I bitterly regretted our decision for many reasons. It was a very difficult emotional time for my family but its passed and we're ok. This house, I still dont love it but i like it more though I'm glad we're leaving . I feel better about this house than i did 3 years ago, the feelings have softened but i cant wait to leave it behind.

It took me a long time to stop looking backwards and to stop myself thinking through 'if only' and accept the now. If only doesn't make things better...but it took me a long time to believe/accept that.

Mamaohana · 19/07/2018 16:38

I’m sorry if this is a little harsh but there’s no going back for you - you can’t get your mum back or have your old house back. Even if you move again you’ll probably feel unsettled in the new house. Also another move will probably cause conflict with your family and unhappiness to your dh.
You can’t go back so move forward. Do one positive thing a day to your new house, plant something in the garden, hang a picture, buy some new mugs etc. Be happy and grateful that you’ve got a large new home that so many people would love to have. Walk around the area and try to meet new people. Invite friends and family over.
Time heals and you’ll eventually become happier I’m sure but you’ll have to put some effort in too. Flowers

Tobermory · 19/07/2018 16:56

Mamaohana speaks lots of sense.

Sally858 · 19/07/2018 19:55

Mamaohana definitely struck a chord with me. The level of anxiety you express sounds like its much more than the house to me and more to do with your mum. Take one day at a time and take small steps each day. You dont need to put any pressure on yourself. Try and take a step back from it all. Is there anything else which might be adding to the stress maybe? Work problems, kids, partner problems? It seems that the house is representative of some other sadness to me. Not that you may not like it but just the level of sadness youve expressed. Big hug x

Easilyflattered · 22/07/2018 09:15

Another agreeing with Mamaohana.

But I have been in a similar position to you OP and I'll be honest I did need professional counseling to help me come to terms with it, and I do think you might benefit from some too. I had a lot of simmering resentment towards DH for bringing me to the UK and insisting
on that particular house. The difference for my situation was that we simply couldn't undo the move due to financial and emigration issues, so I had no choice but to stick it out. Nobody in my family would indulge my feelings of regret and told me to be grateful for the nice roof I had over my head and to get on with it.

I spent nearly 8 years in that bloody house before we could move on. I still managed to have some happiness in that house though.

hooliodancer · 22/07/2018 10:52

Hi. Sounds like you are having a tough time.

Have you tried counselling? If you go to your go, they will recommend someone to help you. It sounds to me that the house has become a focus for a lot of pain.

For anxiety, I can really really recommend 5HTP from Holland and Barratt. They have saved me! I take them and St John's Wort.

How old are you?

BarbaraOcumbungles · 22/07/2018 11:03

You’re the posted who keeps whinging that her house is too big aren’t you? If you are ( i never remember posters names) then you must have realised by now that this isn’t about the house. You’re projecting your grief on to the only thing you can control. You need to have some Councilling and deal with the actual problem before you make any big decisions about your family as this doesn’t just affect you.

It’s a bit distasteful repeatedly complaining about things like that on here when the majority of posters would love more room, btw. It’s almost like complaining about having too much money.

Original poster
Gogsie4 · 22/07/2018 11:13

Barbara piss off if you’ve got nothing nice to say.

OP posts:
User183737 · 22/07/2018 11:21

Barbara stop being so horrible. You dont have to read threads.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 22/07/2018 11:21

No you piss off.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 22/07/2018 11:23

What’s horrible about it? I didn’t say anything that was untrue. The op needs some councilling to deal with her grief.

susurration · 22/07/2018 11:36

I do think some counselling might be useful to you OP. You had two huge life changes at once, and sometimes talking to a professional who give you more coping techniques and help you work through it is the best way.

As for the house, have you decorated it, changed anything to make it feel your own? When we bought our house I went through a huge mental breakdown due to other factors and for the first year really struggled with living here. I just wanted to go "home" to our smaller, cosier flat. In the end I worked with my husband to make it feel more homely, now there are fairy lights, it's painted in my favourite colours etc. And we've gradually accumulated all sorts of stuff that now makes it feel a bit cluttered to be honest!

Easilyflattered · 22/07/2018 11:37

OP, what do your family and close friends think of the new house and move?

Namethecat · 22/07/2018 11:41

I'm living in a house (6 years) that my dh said he would do all the renovations in asap and it would be a lovely home. At this present time no room is completed, many are half done even major rooms like bathrooms are not fully functioning and today he has announced he hates the house and has not any inclination to complete it . If yours is just unloved for a reason, can you change that - or move ?