Home extensions 2017 - Christmas is coming

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Well done Whisky!

Staples I'm sure it will be worth it! There's a house near us that was bought the same time as we bought our; Sept 14. It's a 1930's detached house, extremely dilapidated. Instead of doing the house up to make it possible to live in it, they've been building an 'extension' that's double the size of the existing house. It's still not water tights 3.5 years later and the family with 3 young children have been living in a Winnebago. I have no idea how they've stayed in it so long! He's a builder, so I think he does a job, then works on his house, runs out of money and does another job. I'm fairly hardy and I'm not too worried about being without a kitchen for 3 months as we have a camping stove & slow cooker, but I would've gone bonkers if I were them. They're nowhere near completion and the rate they've gone, it'll be another 2 years before it's done. I feel so bad for them all!

staplegunner - you made it, YAY! Of course it will be worth it. But I actually think that almost feels like a comfortless statement when you are right in the thick of it. At one point I really lost the ability to think about a future where my house was actually nice again. I've been living in the build throughout, which has been really tough because we've swept through the entire downstairs, up the hall, and into two bedrooms, leaving only one unaffected. Most of the house is a bombsite and I have honestly felt like hiding under my duvet some of the time!

redjelly - It really depends a lot on your relationship, and every couple works really differently, but I would be wary of taking it all on by yourself unless it really WOULD be easier to do so. I've done most of the management side in our relationship, and I have to admit I have found making all of the decisions a big weight, and it's been good to have someone to talk it over with. There have been times when I have needed a break from the electrician and DH has taken over, and there have been times when I've needed someone to gee me up a bit or take me to the pub to get away from it all for a while. There have also been times when I have felt a bit resentful of having to carry it all, especially when DH is swanning around at posh dinners with awesome people I'd love to meet for work, and I am in an unheated house at home, trying desperately to learn plumbing on Youtube in order to stop a pipe leaking. (I did it, it wasn't even that hard). I think that feeling might have been exacerbated a LOT had he been away the whole time for work, in nice hotels!

I am grateful that even though ours knocked the back wall off first and then did inside before outside, we actually have been coping fine. The main house is heated. The temporary door has done a sterling job at keeping the cold out. We have never been without heating, although I have boosted downstairs with my little oil filled radiator when needed.

I am tired of washing up in the bathroom sink. I am tired of living on shit food because cooking & washing up in cramped conditions is no fun. I am tired of having people in my house All The Time.

But now I can see it all coming together it is becoming easier. Kitchen arrives end of next week. Worktop templating booked for the end of the following week. It is go go go.

Dust... I was a bit to in cheek but it's really interesting what you said.
In my first marriage my dexh left all decisions to me regarding decoration renovations etc... I did my own thing. He just couldn't be bothered to have an opinion.
My dp... Has strong opinions and so sometimes I find it hard to remember its his home too and his opinion is as valid as mine :)

jellybean...our island is charcoal but really a very deep navy blue ...it's beautiful..units are porcelain and worktops white quartz with very subtle veining ..our extension is around 5.5x6 m( I was on the first thread regarding extensions )I think it's classic and won't date ..units are shaker

Jigster... That's beautiful... Absolutely stunning

Sounds exciting staple! Very exciting

Yes jigster, I thought I recognised that kitchen 😆

whisky yes the retaining walls are quoted at about £2.5k alone! One is 8m, the other two about 2m. Needless to say I’m looking at other options including DIY. I think we could possibly tackle the wall but not the patio area.

Love your kitchen jigster

believe - I would actually say, from my experience, that walls are more difficult than patios, but I am very much a DIY novice whereas someone who had tried bricklaying before might disagree!

I think we have what might be called a fortuitous mistake in our kitchen. One line of our recessed ceiling lights is right up against the wall cupboards, which is not what I had intended at all. But the effect it gives is actually quite dramatic, with a play of light and shadow that looks really quite nice. We have lighting under the worktops as well, so we can afford to do this without plunging our worksurface into darkness.

There is a very much NOT fortuitous mistake in the utility though. Turns out the replastering of one wall is pretty bad, and it's really wonky. I think I didn't notice this before because it's a small tight space that has been full of builders. It means that while the sink is equidistant from the start of the worktop at the front, there is 1cm difference either side at the back, so the left hand corner is 6cm from the wall but the right hand corner is 5cm. It is REALLY noticeable and I spent the whole night worrying about it. The builder thinks that the tiler can sort it out and the cupboard above can be carefully packed to conceal the problem. But I am fed up because it just feels like we are bodging this one and I really didn't want this to be like that. I'm really stressed at the moment because I want everything perfect and I hate having conversations about work not being right. But I can't live with it not being right either, so I stew and stress. The builder has been really good at sorting everything I've mentioned so far, it's just I am constitutionally bad

Ooops, posted too soon - constitutionally bad at this stuff!

Oh whiskey you sound so like me... I am so bad at dealing with tradesmen and am so conflict avoidant, I would agree to everything being fine and then stress and fret about it for ever.. I long to be one of those people who can calmly demand things are done exactly as they should be or want. But if I do, I then get guilty for being too demanding.
Dreading my build...

I don’t think we’ll build a brick wall ourselves - we’d look at other options. The wall isn’t that high - I think about four courses of bricks

whisky, don’t worry about it. In my last house, I let things slide with the builders because I felt too intimidated. Now, second time around I figure it’s best to be upfront. You can be clear about what you want changed without being rude.
I’ve had a few of those types of run ins with the trades on site and have always felt much better for getting it sorted. It can be done in a non-confrontational way!

The irony is that I'm quite good at being calm and assertive. I think I probably come over as someone who is quite fearless, but hopefully not in a horrible way. Things that are wrong bother me forever so I know I cannot let them go and that I have to say something. But when I am in private I close the door and cry because I find it so stressful emotionally inside. I am not resilient inside, it really gets to me. I think at some level I must not trust my ability to negotiate and sort it out.

Whisky... Are you my missing twin?

Glad it's not just me. Definitely make sure you do the build at a time you have backup if you're the same!

I am editing a book today, but I have this insane urge to run downstairs every two minutes and check on the progress of the kitchen. Must. Resist. The. Temptation. I'm hoping it'll be in a state where I can post a picture for y'all very soon. At the moment there are heaps of cardboard and sawdust in the way!

Maybe whisky it’s-worth trying different ways to be assertive? Once you’ve found a way, then it’s much easier.
Also when you’re upset, what are you upset about? The builder won’t think less of you.
Well at least mine doesn’t. He’s brilliant when you have a problem and want something changed. He never judges our choices even when I ask directly!

So, here's a good example. I just went down to see the kitchen, and there are two rows of wall cabinets. The bottom row isn't straight. You can see it. I ask the builder to measure it because I can see it's not right. Then I ask for it to be straightened. He's really polite about it, really cooperative, says he'll do it... but I know I will have to chase again to get it done. And I feel like I am being a colossal PITA.

Similarly, there are two double sockets either side of the hob. They are not symmetrical, so they need to be moved. I raise this. There's not really much in the way of response, just a nod. But I don't feel sure it will be done.

I feel like I'm just wandering around being negative, but I want it right. And these are basic things that, to be honest, I would expect them to get right without me asking. I'm paying quite a lot of money to them to fit this kitchen after all.

So emotionally, I feel a mixture of hurt that it's not been done right, anger that it's not been done right, annoyance that I'm having to point it out, and upset that I'm being a PITA doing so. I don't feel I can just relax and say "Hey, they'll get that done!" Everything we've mentioned so far has been sorted, but it's all not quite to the standard I'd hoped for/anticipated.

Those are perfectly reasonable things to ask to be fixed.

We have the person in charge and all requests go direct to him which makes it easier. Because i work out of the house, I email with several points at once then follow up a few days later. A mix of emails and in person meetings works well.

I don’t care if I hassle them because I’m paying them £000s.

It is very emotional though because it’s your home. For them it’s just a job. Maybe you can check at the end of every day and make a list at the end of the week to feed back?

It’s not great that you have to keep asking for that whisky. It might be time to be less nice about it and a bit more “look I keep having to ask you to keep things straight, can you just double check everything while you are going along?”

I know it’s easy to say don’t worry about being PITA and harder to actually not worry. But you are right to be a PITA, finish is so important.

My builder is Canadian and when he was quoting to me said that in Canada there are lots more builders than work, so your quality of finish becomes really important and he prides himself on it. Over here there are many more jobs than builders, so they get away with being slapdash.

That's the strange thing, I know rationally I'm being reasonable asking this stuff. But there's still this deep-seated part of me that says "Nice girls (and it is gendered) don't make a fuss, they don't complain and put other people out for their own whims". And so the struggle is partly internal, within myself, to say "No, I am the client, this is my money, and I am paying so I get to call the shots". I am not used to inhabiting that position, I don't come from that kind of background, and though I'm now a middle class professional woman on the outside, I'm still don't-get-above-yourself working class on the inside. So I'm fighting within myself, and also dealing with delivering a difficult message outside, to the builder, at the same time, and it all feels very confusing and conflicted, and I don't feel like I know who I am or how to be.

Wow, I actually didn't even realise that was why I was feeling so bad before I went down this trail this morning. Thanks for listening, guys!

Anyway, getting back to nuts and bolts, the electrician has proudly presented me with two LED light strips. He said he got a "great deal" and the seller gave him two colour changing ones for the same price as the white ones. I don't really want colour changing lights, I just want warm white! I'm seriously hoping I can take them off disco mode, in which they flash violently through a rainbow of different colours (threatening to send everybody in the room into an epileptic fit in the process), and set them instead to one colour!!

I am laughing at disco lights. It’s a bit “sending husband to Lidl for milk and instead coming back with a leaf blower and slanket”.

They are UNBELIEVABLY tacky!! On full seizure-inducing mode, they would not look out of place with a room that had walls made of glitter, chairs in the shape of stilettoes, and a giant pink glass unicorn.

Just rang the manufacturer, and you can just have them on warm white permanently. Phew. I guess I might also loosen up enough to have purple on Halloween or something!

Aah whisky. That light comment made me laugh, sorry. It's funny how different things matter to different people, I bet he thought you'd be super impressed. I imagine on one solid colour it could look quite nice occasionally, not sure I'd like the disco lights either! We have white led strips under our wall cupboards, they do look lovely, especially in the evening when all the other lights are off.

Hahahahaha disco lights?! 🤣🤣🤣

Love it.

Your builders sound like muppets. How is that ever a good idea.

Oh whiskey... I am also that good girl people pleaser... Trying to think about being a consumer instead.
But also get so cross about shoddy service... Why can't they just do it right to start with.... Loving the disco lights... Sort of thing I'd hate until I had had a few gins on a Friday and then would think it's a great idea to turn kitchen into nite club...