Experience moving from city to suburbs – how a longer commute affects family life / lifestyle?

[Vanessa22]

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are house hunting and trying to decide on an area – which means deciding what trade-offs we are willing to make (e.g., commute vs. house size vs. proximity to family, etc etc…).

We live in North London and are considering three very different areas at the moment: Honor Oak Park/Forest Hill (close to my sister), Teddington/Hampton (close to my husband’s brother) and St. Albans (no particular connection!).

All of the areas have their pros and cons, but one of my concerns about Teddington/Hampton is the 45-minute train ride into Waterloo, which would make my husband’s commute to work 1.5 hours and mine a bit less than that. The idea of raising our daughter in a green and peaceful neighborhood – with access to the river, parks etc. - is appealing, but I’m worried about the effect of a long commute on our family life and lifestyle.

I would love to get thoughts, advice and views from people who have made a similar change from city to suburbs – with a longer commute - whether London or other cities!

Some of my concerns are…

• Effect on family life: at the moment my husband gets home in time to read our daughter a story before bed. With a longer commute, I doubt he would see her during the week, and I worry about them having less quality time.

• My time with my daughter/childcare issues: At the moment we’re able to juggle the nursery run relatively easily, largely thanks to my flexible work schedule (I leave work at 4:30 to get to nursery) but I worry that with a longer commute we would need to get help for the pick-up and drop-off, which I don’t want to do as I want to keep doing it myself, and don’t want to be in a situation where I see my daughter less.

• Ease of getting home in case of emergencies: At the moment I can feasibly get to nursery quite quickly in a taxi or on the tube in case of emergency/illness, which wouldn’t be the case with a long commute.

• My social life / friends: Most of my friends are in London, and I feel like it’s hard and infrequent enough to see them without adding more distance!

• Social life with my husband: Though we don’t do it all the time, my husband and I like to go to restaurants/theatre/concerts/see friends, so I worry about making it more difficult to access these things.

Sorry for the long post, but any experiences and thoughts very much appreciated! I feel like my mind is exploding with all of the pros and cons, possibilities and considerations of all the different areas.

Thank you!

Long commutes are ok on a daily basis until you have delays that are beyond your control eg weather, accidents, strikes
Where a normal commute of 1.5 hours turns into double or more

A long commute also means if you plan to join a club or do something after work, you may not be able to attend due to being late

I think when you are younger you are happy to put up with a long commute. However after 10+ years a shorter commute is preferable

I have just made the change from a long to short commute due to a job and house move

DH and I moved to Sutton having previously lived in Fulham, Battersea and Earlsfield.

DH works in central London and the commute has been great as there are direct trains to the city on the Thameslink as well as trains to Victoria in 28 mins (some faster express ones too) + peak time services to London Bridge. H loves that he always gets a seat and answers a bunch of emails before even getting to the office. If the trains aren't running well, we can take the tube to Morden + 10-15 mins on a bus/taxi. There's also a direct nightbus from Trafalgar Sq ;) We felt that the links worked for us but did not want to completely leave London for fear of transport problems.

We haven't got children yet, but suburbs are fantastic for families - large houses with large gardens, safe and with a lots of other families and things to do. Catchment areas are much bigger too so it's possible to have an actual choice of schools, e.g. over here, even the outstanding, high attaining schools often have catchments of over 1 mile. Not sure about the areas you're looking at but it's likely much easier to get children into your schools of choice.

In terms of going out, there are plenty of options in the suburbs too - there are quite a few pubs and restaurants around Teddington/Hampton and Kingston is nearby too. Can't comment on the other locations as I'm not that familiar.

We have been very happy living in the suburbs and love being able to get into central London quickly whilst living in a tree-lined road and being woken up by birds rather than traffic :)

However, I would make sure you pick a location that works for your husband's commute as 3h a day on public transport sounds like a nightmare.

I think an hour max is doable. Anymore than that will, without doubt, effect daily quality of life

We moved from SE London 3 years ago to the countryside. It is a 1 hr 50 mins commute on a good day. We have family here and the quality of life is fantastic. I commute 2 days a week which I don't mind but my husband commutes 4 days and it has a toll. He is definitely much more tired from the longer commute although we always get seats on the train. He works at home 1 day a week to see the children and we have to use a nanny to cover my work as there is no way to cover the hours through nursery / afterschool. Also I would like to start playing netball again but he doesn't get back in time for me to make any times. Also going out in London means the trains are less frequent and take a lot longer so we have to leave even earlier. Saying all that, we love it here but would have a London flat in a glash if we could afford it.

Thank you everyone! Lots of good points and food for thought - and yes, can't deny the appeal of waking up on a tree-lined road (our current neighborhood in London is very polluted)

St Albans would be great for keeping in touch with your friends 22 mins from SA to St Pancras, 17 minutes to West Hampstead. But the line is very busy, especially at peak times. It's also not all that reliable. There is a local parents action group which has been set up in the wake of months of late/delayed/cancelled trains - it would be worth you checking out the StAlbans advertiser newspaper for stories.
When it does work though it does work well. Takes my DH an hour to get to his office in Covent Garden.
It's beautiful, leafy and has good schools.
However I think living close to family (provided you get on!) would always be my first choice.

A long commute can work if only one of you is doing it (or the other is only doing it once or twice a week) OR you have family on hand to do drop offs/pick ups and deal with transport and childcare fails.
Or if you have very flexible working hours, working from home etc.

Most people we know who have moved out to Surrey, Herts, Kent etc have that sort of arrangement and seem quite happy.

Otherwise think about how you'd manage childcare hours, whether a nanny is feasible (even a nanny will expect some certainty on hours). It can be trickier when school starts as flexible, suitable wrap around care can be hard to come by.
And avoid Southern!

We looked into moving to various parts of Surrey and were a bit surprised to find the schools no better (according to Ofsted and SATS results - not a lot else to go on) from our zone 3 area.

Also found that though catchment areas were (a bit) bigger, there were far fewer houses for sale in those catchment areas. In the end we had better school options in London.
So look into schools in some detail would be my advice.

If you're looking at Teddington/Hampton, have you considered Richmond? It's very green, plus it's on both the rail (20 mins to W/loo) and tube (district line) networks which means you pretty much always have a way to get home if there are transport issues, which is really frequent with SW trains. It also has a theatre, two cinemas, good restaurants, Richmond park etc

We both do a 90 minute commute each way, 4 days a week, and it's shit for both family and working life IMO. Have done it for 8 years. One person commuting is the norm where I live and IME it's very hard with two. Wouldn't recommend it!

There are places with naice countryside and faster trainlines than Hampton, eg kent, surrey.

St Albans train line is very expensive!

What about Twickenham ( one mile from Teddington), 20 min trains to Waterloo which run very frequently.Teddington is 35 mins to Waterloo not 45 minutes. Richmond is nearby with tube trains. Some of the local schools ( Waldegrave is one of the best performing comprehensives in the country. Richmond has two theatres. Kingston has the Rose theatre. There are lots and lots of cultural events. Bushy Park wraps itself around and through Teddington, as does the river. Most people who move here stay!

Thanks all! I think if I faced a long commute I would have to see it as a sign to finally thrown in the corporate towel and go freelance from home. Richmond would be great but out of our price range, which is why we're looking at Hampton/Hampton Hill area as well. Though maybe we should consider a smaller house in Twickenham for the faster commute. Ah, if only my Euromillions financial plan would bear fruit! : )

Teddington has a better train service (twice as many trains) than hampton as it's on the "loop". Fulwell (for Hampton Hill) and Hampton are on the Shepperton branch with 2 trains an hour. For rush hour in the evening (not in morning unfortunately) there are fast trains via Richmond (so not via teddington) which do Waterloo - Fulwell in 30 minutes (so 33 to Hampton). My Door to Door is one hour exactly from a city EC3 location on my way home and 1h 10 to 1hr 15 on the way in. I have got used to it but I don't like it.

More expensive than Hampton but similar to teddington is the area around Strawberry Hill station. Worth a look as on the loop line asnd gets the fast trains home.

That's good intel - I didn't realise about the Strawberry Hill trains

Frequency of trains is important IMO, as is availability and cost of parking near the station. Outside London many places are a drive away from a station, and many couples have two cars.

A big dilemma is often having to commute, or earn much less. Almost always the men who continue to commute (and earn high wages). Fine if that's what you want: not so good if you didn't foresee it.

Many people where I am pay £8 day for parking.

So much good advice. I'd also be curious to know (from anyone living in the Teddington/Hampton/Twickenham areas) about noise from Heathrow planes - i.e., are some areas significantly worse than others, and how bearable is it? The first time we went to look at houses the noise was really loud and noticeable, but the second time it didn't seem so bad - I'm not sure which day was more representative. My daughter is obsessed with planes so she was in absolute heaven every time one flew over (lots of "WOW!") but less exciting for me ; )

Only a little observation but I once read that the single-most factor that improves the quality of people's lives is living close to their workplace! I'm sure you can google up some stats and evidence.
Good luck!

Oh and if you are thinking state schools
-great primaries in teddington and hampton hill (and in richmond borough generally)
-crap secondary schools in Hampton
-Teddington school is fine
-Fulwell is in catchment for Waldergrave Girls (which is supposed to be great. Hampton Hill High street will be outside of catchment

• There's a new secondary called Turing House whose catchment currently covers hampton hill but I imagine this will shrink to just the northern end of the high street.

Planes - when the winds are prevailing westerlies (so 65-80% of the time) the planes land from the east and are further north. Noise is not a problem then - as the planes are on final approach over Putney, Sheen, Richmond.
With the less frequent easterly winds, the planes take off into the wind and a couple of flight paths turn over the teddington and hampton region. You will notice these and they are loud. Google the flight paths.

I imagine it was the wind direction that was the difference between the days you visted on.

The reason we're looking at moving is access to better secondary schools. I would rather the adults commute and the kids be near the school that is best for them. When they're older their days are longer anyway and they can let themselves in. If we don't move my youngest DD could be looking at 40 to 50 min bus journey each way if she doesn't get in somewhere local. This is awful.

Long commutes do affect family life. DH does at least a 1hr45 each way and rarely sees our very small children during the week. For us, though, living in a rural area works as DH also travels a lot, so we wouldn't see him everyday anyway. We are also near the airport which reduces 3-4am get ups for business flights!

You should. E fine with the areas you are looking at, but do be aware that long commutes to secondary school are common outside of London. From our new home, the closest secondary school is a 20minuyr bus journey and the only realistic alternative at least 40mjns on public transport.

yikes, a long school commute hadn't even crossed my mind.... !

It depends where you move Vanessa. We are looking at moving to a town where there would be four state options very close by, walking distance/walking theortically/or a short bus ride plus a private option in walking. That is our whole reason for moving. It is possible to do this but you have to look closely at catchment areas and how admissions are decided though and play that game. In my experience you can feel a bit in the dark on that - try to tap into someone with local knowledge and whatever you do don't rely on Rightmove.

Being close to lots of good schools is going to make the house prices higher as well. In our case, it feels like moving to another part of Greater London, just with a MUCH more expensive commute.

Equimum is right though - school commutes can be longer and find out what would happen if you didn't get the nearest school to you. How far away exactly would you be looking at?

School commute will most likely be ok if you stay in zones 5-6 and the schools in the area are generally decent.

Hi,I'm in sydenham (one stop from forest hill). FH and honor oak are on the overground (orange line) as well as the London Bridge service. Quite useful if there's a problem with one.
I wouldn't move out as I like as short a commute as possible (I work evenings and weekends).
Lots of families here plus all the green spaces. I expect you know all this because of your sister anyway.