Experience moving from city to suburbs – how a longer commute affects family life / lifestyle?

[Vanessa22]

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are house hunting and trying to decide on an area – which means deciding what trade-offs we are willing to make (e.g., commute vs. house size vs. proximity to family, etc etc…).

We live in North London and are considering three very different areas at the moment: Honor Oak Park/Forest Hill (close to my sister), Teddington/Hampton (close to my husband’s brother) and St. Albans (no particular connection!).

All of the areas have their pros and cons, but one of my concerns about Teddington/Hampton is the 45-minute train ride into Waterloo, which would make my husband’s commute to work 1.5 hours and mine a bit less than that. The idea of raising our daughter in a green and peaceful neighborhood – with access to the river, parks etc. - is appealing, but I’m worried about the effect of a long commute on our family life and lifestyle.

I would love to get thoughts, advice and views from people who have made a similar change from city to suburbs – with a longer commute - whether London or other cities!

Some of my concerns are…

• Effect on family life: at the moment my husband gets home in time to read our daughter a story before bed. With a longer commute, I doubt he would see her during the week, and I worry about them having less quality time.

• My time with my daughter/childcare issues: At the moment we’re able to juggle the nursery run relatively easily, largely thanks to my flexible work schedule (I leave work at 4:30 to get to nursery) but I worry that with a longer commute we would need to get help for the pick-up and drop-off, which I don’t want to do as I want to keep doing it myself, and don’t want to be in a situation where I see my daughter less.

• Ease of getting home in case of emergencies: At the moment I can feasibly get to nursery quite quickly in a taxi or on the tube in case of emergency/illness, which wouldn’t be the case with a long commute.

• My social life / friends: Most of my friends are in London, and I feel like it’s hard and infrequent enough to see them without adding more distance!

• Social life with my husband: Though we don’t do it all the time, my husband and I like to go to restaurants/theatre/concerts/see friends, so I worry about making it more difficult to access these things.

Sorry for the long post, but any experiences and thoughts very much appreciated! I feel like my mind is exploding with all of the pros and cons, possibilities and considerations of all the different areas.

Thank you!

OP- we live near Teddington/Hampton & moved out from further in 2 yrs ago. My DH commutes into city- he gets in to Waterloo in 30 mins then goes on from there- all under 1 hr- where does your DH work?

Verdict- absolutely love it. Boarding the train in chaos at Waterloo and sitting back watching every station and the surroundings get greener/bigger gardens- the happier and more relaxed I get! I love coming home to our house and big garden- with actual trees- and no houses overlooking at the end of it! Its so relaxing. The kids love the space and the outside. My friends happily trek out to see us- especially when they realise its only actually 30 mins Waterloo/25 Vauxhall/20 from Clapham J. I think they enjoy coming out somewhere different and less hectic and being able to chill in the garden! We are very in demand for play dates too- even from non local friends. As long as there's wine you'll be fine

Id never want to live further in now, DH agrees completely.

& re. entertainment- - you adjust- there's a lovely Evryman cinema nearby with comfy sofas/food bought to you as you watch film and amazing restaurants and gastro pubs everywhere you look.

Molly, do you commute yourself?

Commuting is the big downside of moving out IMO, and is especially difficult if both partners do it.

Eating out is crummy where I am, ditto pubs, and no trendy cinema, useless theatre, but socialising in peoples houses is fun.

We did a similar move from North London to SW London/Surrey border when pregnant with #2.

To be honest I spent the first year regretting the move. The suburbs are clean green and safe but very samey. I missed North London, the buzz, the diversity and even the gritty bits like seeing grafitti. Our circle of friends in North London was very international and included people from all over the world & gay couples. I took for granted having restaurants from all over the world on our doorstep.

It is a long way for your North London friends to visit you in SW London/Surrey border. Like a 90 minute train journey. The area is pretty but most people are white and middle class. Very few of the mums at my kids school have jobs - they go to the gym and the hairdressers.

Pros: the schools are excellent. Richmond Park & Bushy Park are beautiful. Good facilities certainly in Hampton/ Teddington/ Hampton Court areas - great libraries, playgrounds, public swimming pools etc.

A couple of years in I am starting to feel at home but consider very carefully what you are giving up. I didn't.

I tripled my train journey from 20 mins to an hour (same walking distance of less than ten mins either end).

I won't lie, I really hate it and yes it eats into family time. Plus I get to the end of the week and am so tired simply from travelling so much.

I'm looking for something more local as abit fed up!

Molly: Agree, wine helps! : )

Skatergrrrrl: I know what you mean. I'm half British but grew up living overseas in different countries, and part of what I love about London is its diversity and international nature. My NCT class alone represented 10 different nationalities, and I would definitely miss that. Though, my impression is that there are international people around Brockley/Forest Hill (based on the people my sister has met), and also in St Albans. I don't know Hampton/Teddington so well so I'm curious to know the extent of international people/expats around there. I imagine there must be other people in a similar situation who have to keep moving further out of London!

Believeitornot: Hope you have luck in finding something local - definitely preferable to commuting!

Surely then the Honor Oak Park/Forest Hill option is the answer. It's not too far out. Still very much London while having benefits of burbs. Good connections so should be decent commute. Good walkable schools. Why not discount the others and go for that?

I think Honor Oak/Forest Hill is definitely your answer. Loads of family friendly amenities and green space. But still easy commute and options to get home if the trains are down (bus, taxi, etc). I do a commute out of London (Woking) twice a week. It is 1 hr 20 mins and manageable but doing that more than twice a week would really ruin my life! We have a lovely house for sale near the Horniman Museum between Honor Oak and Forest Hill if you want to PM me