I think I hate my new house

[Tobermory]

We've been here for two weeks and I think we've made a very expensive mistake. I wish wen we viewed the house we'd run like the wind. I'm terrified that we've gone through all this upheaval and cost and stress and that we got it wrong.

It still fells like I'm living in a hotel, it doesn't feel like home-I know this is normal, but I cant imagine ever feeling at home here or enjoying this house.
why?
a. I don't like the road. I hate the road. I went for a walk earlier on the gorgeous sunny evening to get milk. The walk wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel foolish for not realising the road would bother me so much. I thought I'd get over it and that the house would make me not bothered about the road-not so.
b. There is soso much to do. The plasterers are in now, 2 days in, prob another 2/3 to go and the plumber is in this weekend. Then more stuff in the pipeline.
C.the garden. It's so overgrown. I can't see how I'll ever get it nice. Overgrown trees and plants. Very soggy lawn in places so obv drainage is an issue.
D. No spaces in local schools so my chn are currently commuting to their old school 25 mins away.
E. I feel like we've bought a house that's going to b really hard work, a house that might well consume all our time (and money). I don't think I had realised that.
F. Even to get it back on the market (which I know we can't do straight away) feels me with terror. Would anyone else want it? How much would we have to/should we do to get it sellable?

See how you feel in a year or two. I have been where you are now. It's not brilliant news. I hated the railway line behind my house, couldn't stand the noise from the very first day I moved in. Convinced myself it would be OK. Took 2 years to renovate completely.gardens was a nightmare. Had no time to even now the lawn as we were juggling two babies. Sold house within 5 years because of the railway. I couldn't stand it any longer. Made tiny profit.. Better then nothing I suppose! Sorry it's not what you want to hear.

Cookie, it's what I'm thinking. Just wondering how long we should live here!

I feel like I can't even talk to my husband about it properly. I don't want to absolutely taint his time here. Don't want to completely ruin his first few weeks. It's pretty obvious though! He's upset that I'm not talking about what's upsetting me.

Can you stop trying to feel like you should love it? Accept it as a project. Break it down into chunks of 'project' and view any progress as money in the bank for the day you find the house you will love.
It might not make you love the house but it might make you feel more optimistic. I have had massive house wobbles on occasion but making lists and not trying to pretend it is home has worked until I have settled.

I had this feeling too! Real buyers remorse, which was insane as I'd reallllllly wanted this house. Couldn't tell anyone, felt so ashamed and pathetic.

I had to stay - couldn't afford another £13k on moving fees. Six months on, I feel a lot more positive. When I get morbid, I remind myself why we bought this place. There are a hundred excellent reasons.

I'm going to decorate every room when we've got more money - that and the garden will make it feel more "mine".

I love Giddy's advice upthread. I'm going to follow that too.

Giddy, your suggestion of viewing it as a project might be a way forward. Would that be a way of thinking about your home? To be so very emotionally removed from it?

What's - "couldn't tell anyone...."- this exactly. How can I poossibly admit that this new house, our new home is a mistake.

What's wrong with the road you hate? Is it too busy, too quiet, too rough, too noisy?

We moved just before Christmas and I'm still not convinced. I loved it at first viewing but had cold feet during the purchase process. The road is too busy. The house is too cold and dark (my last place was modern and light). It back on to a park though and is a good location, so I am trying to give it the benefit of the doubt. But if my job works out and I earn what I should, id like to move again in a few years.

I sobbed when I moved in to my house but after a bit of graft and time to bed in, I kind of love it now. I honestly cried for a few months though! Change can feel awful and they do say moving house is one of the most stressful transitions - you're still in the thick of it.

Damn. I typed a big message and whoosh its vanished!

The road is a main road, it's too busy, cars lorries and buses. Where we lived before the road was much quieter, if a bus went past it had taken a wrong turning! I knew this about the road, saw it on viewings, which is I feel foolish!
Eorochick, I too had cold feet. I thought it was moving nerves... Wish I'd listened to the inner voice now!

Flamingo, I'm pretty much sobbing daily. How long has it taken you to love it?

We've been here 3 years now and it took a while. The first year we did so much work on it so all I could see was a list of jobs. I think I started to feel more at home when there was a year worth of memories here (and fewer jobs to do). I was honestly crackers - I used to drive past our old house just to make sure she was okay!

No house is perfect, I still would rather our house was transported to a country lane BUT I think it's too early to make your mind up. Is your bedroom sorted? It made a massive difference to me when I was in my bedroom rather than a mattress on the spare room floor!

Give it a year. We bought our house last July and it took me so long to get settled. The house itself is fine but for ages it didn't feel like home. It's a terrace and we can hear every single thing from our shouty neighbours; plus we inherited fleas from the previous owners!

I made a deal with DH that if I hadn't settled in a year then we'd look to sell (even though we'd probably lose money in the long run).

It hasn't been quite a year and I do feel settled now. Granted the neighbours are a pain in the arse but I can live with it. The house itself does feel like home now. I still don't think we'll be here forever by any means but it's much better than it was when we first moved in.

What were the good points, why did you buy it?

Tobermory I'm sorry you are feeling this was. Not much advice in afraid, as I feel I'm about to make the same awful mistake. (We exchange on Monday and every time I think about it I cry, as I've noticed more and more about the house I don't like, which I somehow missed when we originally viewed it)
However what has been helping (slightly) is to write a list of why we wanted to move, what other houses we saw that we rejected and why we were originally attracted to the house. There must've been something it offered you, that your old home didn't?
I have shared my fears with my OH who thinks we have to go through with it, but try and see it as a project, and if after a year I still don't like it, we can try and sell. Not the best option but knowing it's not forever can help?

Would a few acts of ownership help you move in mentally? Buy a god awful garden ornament that you can put in the most inconvenient place possible (just because you can) buy new house numbers for the bins\door etc? Name the house?? Get a saw and go mental in the garden!!! Its yours, if you want bare stumps as as garden go fourth and prune!!!

We had this with a house before buying it and ended up pulling out (it was very early on in the process, we weren't in a chain) the feelings of doom every time I thought about it helped me realise it wasn't right.

I have been going very mental in the garden, half a dozen trips to the tip in the last few days! And I do feel better that a small part of it looks less overrun and I can see where I've been.

What do I like about it.....The house is the exact opposite of what we left; a modern open plan bungalow. It is victorian (4floors) with lots of amazing features, open fires, ornate plaster work, wonderful high ceilings. There is lots of inside space. We have a view across the valley which is very green, you can watch ththe clouds roll in and yesterday saw an amazing blue sky above the greeness of the fields and trees.the garden is big, with lots of spaces for the DC.

Anderson, my advice to you... Don't do it. I was having wobbles before but thought it was just down to the stress of moving (thought it was just the emotional stresses of it). I wish I'd been brave enough to say 'sod the solic. fees and search costs, I'm not sure I want to do this!!'

I've been through this when the roof on the house we'd moved into started leaking on the very first day. I just sat and cried and wondered what on earth i'd done?

For the next 6 months i hated it. We started working on all the rooms at the same time so it was chaos, the ILs moved in with us (as they were between houses), we had no proper kitchen for 2+ months and DD was only 4 months old.

But the work got done, we met some really good neighbours and the place became a home. I was sad when we left 3 years later...

Your new house sounds absolutely amazing, much better than the old one!

Living in a period property takes a bit of adjusting and it will be a bit grim with the plasterers in but think dealing with it in bite-size chunks, get one area done and that can be a haven.

We have something similar but older and I'm sure with a wilder, wetter garden. It was tough at the beginning but 13 years later, every time we think of leaving we look at the beautiful features and the space and can't do it.

I'm sure you will love it in time :)

This is how I felt moving to the ugliest, darkest house in Christendom.
The only positive was the location.

Two years on, that's still the only positive but it's such an important one that it blows everything else out of the water. We're 5 minutes from the children's schools, 5 minutes from shops, cinema, theatres, railway station etc, as opposed to 30-40 minutes before, and that has transformed our lives.
Yeah the house is still ugly (though at least the colours are to our taste now) , the garden still needs a lot of love but we've more time, and that is priceless.

Toby , your house sounds lovely apart from the road which you can't do anything about except maybe triple glazing to cut down on noise at the front.

See it in your minds eye all finished....even if finished is just a lick of paint.

Working on it as a project will put it in a better state if you do decide to resell.

It must be awful moving to a house that's like a building site. I'm sure it will be better once it's done. My daughter moved from a modern house to an older one but didn't even have to repaint it. She moved from a very quiet cul de sac toa busier road( cars,no buses) but that took time to adjust. She swapped a pocket hanky of a garden for a much bigger south facing patch which she loves with big French doors opening from the kitchen into it. The children have more room to play in and outside.

Get it done...then see how you feel. It doesn't have to be forever . Put a smile on your face and help your husband by being part of the team and next summer re evaluate. If you still hate it then look around for somewhere better...that's if you can part with the view.

I loved my house when I was going through the process of buying it, then realised various things about it when I moved in and hated it for a good year, maybe two. I made up my mind to make it as loveable as possible so I could sell it one day and in the process fell back in love with it. Put photos up, paint rooms, tackle a job at a time and slowly as you build memories there you'll feel differently. I will be leaving next year because of moving to live with a partner and whilst there's things I'll be relieved to leave behind I will homestly leave here with very fond memories and miss lots about the house.

Did you love the house you moved from? I hated our last house, I had loved the one before and we moved because we needed space for a new baby rather than because we didn't want to live there any more. I liked the new house initially, but hated it within a few months. Unfortunately we still lived there for 8 years before we moved.
However, we did lots to improve it in the meantime to make it bearable.
It sounds like a really big issue with yours is just how daunting it all is (we're also buying a project, I know that feeling!). Just think that whatever work you do will not only make it easier for you to live there but will likely improve its value as well and make it easier for you to sell if you then decide the road is unbearable.

It sounds gorgeous!

As someone who felt a bit like you did a few months ago and still do on and off I think you will be alright.

Yes the road sounds crappy but you'll adjust to it.

We have a Victorian house too and it's only got a few features left - one fireplace, sash windows (this matters to me - it's one of the few we viewed that did!) and some nice tiles downstairs.

The street is lovely and the neighbours are lovely but it's in a pretty run down area and a long way, like you, from schools and what we are used to.

We found a place at a school not too far away at Easter and then ds1 got into a school a few miles away, last week - all works out Ok. I miss the old house, the old town, but we have so much more room here and I feel Ok as long as I don't think about it too much - but we did buy a pig in a poke, really, didn't look carefully enough at viewing, we have surface flooding in the garden too, had a whole rewire, replumb, roof repairs, etc.

It is exhausting and we still have no kitchen or proper bathroom...I get depressed but then we make a little progress and I cheer up slightly.

I am very envious of your established garden. We had two small trees and a privet bush, plus some nice flowers here and there but it still looks like a new build - have stuck 20 or so trees in now but a long wait till it grows.

I would LOVE to get my hands on a proper, established garden. The joy of clearing away the weeds and finding trees and flowers you never knew were there.