I think I hate my new house

[Tobermory]

We've been here for two weeks and I think we've made a very expensive mistake. I wish wen we viewed the house we'd run like the wind. I'm terrified that we've gone through all this upheaval and cost and stress and that we got it wrong.

It still fells like I'm living in a hotel, it doesn't feel like home-I know this is normal, but I cant imagine ever feeling at home here or enjoying this house.
why?
a. I don't like the road. I hate the road. I went for a walk earlier on the gorgeous sunny evening to get milk. The walk wasn't enjoyable at all. I feel foolish for not realising the road would bother me so much. I thought I'd get over it and that the house would make me not bothered about the road-not so.
b. There is soso much to do. The plasterers are in now, 2 days in, prob another 2/3 to go and the plumber is in this weekend. Then more stuff in the pipeline.
C.the garden. It's so overgrown. I can't see how I'll ever get it nice. Overgrown trees and plants. Very soggy lawn in places so obv drainage is an issue.
D. No spaces in local schools so my chn are currently commuting to their old school 25 mins away.
E. I feel like we've bought a house that's going to b really hard work, a house that might well consume all our time (and money). I don't think I had realised that.
F. Even to get it back on the market (which I know we can't do straight away) feels me with terror. Would anyone else want it? How much would we have to/should we do to get it sellable?

I remember this feeling so well from 10 years ago when we bought our first house. It was an absolute hideous, stinking dump but was the only way we could afford a freehold house rather than a leasehold flat in Wandsworth (so low council tax). Took a good 2 years to even start liking it and I cried a lot in the first 6 months. 10 years, 2 DCs and a loft conversion later and we are finally moving on to get a bigger garden and more living space but I will really miss it. Sometimes these things take a really long time to come right!

It sounds like once you've got it done it will be far nicer than your old house could ever have been.

Yes, definitely view it as a project, do one room at a time, and attack bits of the garden whenever you have a spare half an hour and good weather. A nice garden to look at will definitely help your spirits.

What are the rooms like that you're spending most of your time in? Kitchen? Living Room? Bedroom? Can you prioritise those?

We moved a year ago from an old house to a newish one, and I was baffled as to how to decorate it, it felt like a dirty, shabby hotel. I've now made loads of plans - even though I haven't carried them through due to lack of money - and that has made me feel soooooo much happier.

I've realised too that chipping away a little bits here and there can be either be encouraging or soul destroying, depending on my mood, so my tip would be, if you need to see improvement quickly, focus time and cash in place.

I remember that feeling, sorry you're feeling it to

We'd bought in a hurry, I was 7 months pregnant and we were relocating. So we had to buy somewhere.

After completion the second I set foot in the house I detested it. Hormonal mess (and I actually gave birth two days after we moved in!) I put it down to stress. But the feeling stayed. What I did to was start looking on Rightmove every day

Found a lovely house which I had an inkling wouldn't be easy to sell (needed everything doing to it. I kept an eye on it (and the price dropping) over the next 3 years. Eventually we were in a position to buy and out we went.

I'd also say, give it some time. But equally, life is too short to stay in a house you're not happy with. Good luck.

Awww, you poor thing. I have been there too, in a state of utter panic.

You will make it your own. You will! But I think when there is a lot of work to do, most of us do feel a bit daunted and overwhelmed. What you're feeling is normal. Doesn't make it any easier to go through, but it's normal nonetheless.

Come and join us in the gardening forum for support with the outside space! We're a friendly bunch, even if we are a bit grubby at times.

Empress , you kind of hit the nail on the heAd
One things i didn't mention which is probably pretty bloody important is that my old house was actually my old family home. I lived there as a child, my dad built it and lived there till he died. We moved in after that with our DD1 when Shen as an baby. (I'm crying while Im writing this). So I guess I'm not just hating my new house I suppose I'm also mourning the loss of my old one.

I've been out inn he garden and about to do and other tip run . I've cleared a bed and might stop and get an few pretty things to refill.

Our lounge is loverly - big and square with great plasterwork on the ceiling and down to the pictures r ail. The curtains are good and it just needs decorating as its all magnolia now. Our bedroom is nice. Kitchens is very modern and will be fab with a settee in. Though it is quite dark and would need replacement windows or something on brighten it. The girls bedroom is the worst (that's what's being replastered now) and the bathroom is pretty rubbish.

I think you underestimated the emotional wrench of leaving your old family home, that must have been so hard but try and think that this house will be your children's family home, the one that will hold all their childhood memories.

A house with character, a garden that will be a delight, a view, a cosy kitchen with a settee in - imagine that in the winter all lovely and straight out of a children's book.
There are a lot of positives in your last post, lots of things to make work for you.

I really feel for you, I know what you're going through I hope it all works out for you but as others have said if you're still unhappy in a year's time then think about selling and moving on but in the meantime look at it as your home not something you are trying to sell otherwise you will never settle.

All the best.

Wow, new house sound like it will become a lovely home for your family.

Gardens don't go away. Or disappear. I have a huge garden, sometimes it is tidy, sometimes not but the main features will still be there next year even if I do nothing! It is absolutely not worth fretting about.
If I have a nice lawn I have a nice lawn, if I never cut it once all summer it is still there and I can start with more determination next spring.

Think of the garden as a 10 year project as that's often how long it takes for nice flowerbeds or trees to look established. Meanwhile enjoy the wildlife.

I had exactly the same feeling as you with our house. It was relatively affordable because it had been neglected and was a complete dump. When we were viewing it, we were focused on all the exciting possibilities it offered for improvement, extension and so on, rather than what it would be like to actually live in. And I somehow convinced myself I wouldn't mind living on a main road when I'd put that down as a no-no before we started looking at houses. Then once we'd exchanged contracts the cold reality began to sink in!

We moved in just before Christmas. Two days later there was a terrible accident in the street outside and a teenage girl was knocked off her bicycle and killed.

I felt irrationally miserable here for the first six months to a year. Eighteen months on, most of the big jobs have been done, though we don't really have the willpower or money left to do any extending after all. I still don't love it but the mere act of thinking about it doesn't fill me with depression like it used to. No-one else in the family is at all bothered by the noise from the road, but it's something that still gets on my wick quite a lot.

As luck would have it we are likely to be moving again next summer. I won't miss this house, and I wish we'd not chosen it in the first place, but we have learned a lot about what works for us as a family, and financially it has probably worked out OK as we bought a shit house in a nice area rather than a nice house in a dodgy area.

So I can totally relate to your feelings of horror and depression, but they will pass, even if you never come to think of the new house as perfect.

anderson stop the exchange. It will piss everyone off and cost you and others money; but a lot less money than buying the wrong house will.

very late, but not too late. But have a long talk with your partner over the weekend to see if you can change whatever it is about you don't like.

I felt the same about our new house. On the day we moved in I cried and said I wanted to go home

It took a few months but once we'd decorated the hideous rooms, cleaned it and had the garden done I started to fall in love with it.

I think it sounds like a really emotional wrench for you. I was really upset about leaving the old place as I'd brought DS home to there, and my cats!

If you still feel like that in 6 months then consider putting it on the market.

For completely different reasons we realised we had made a mistake with our second flat the night we moved in. We spent a year trying to 'live with it' and convince ourself of all the benefits. We were miserable. Really miserable. Were scared to put it on market as thought we'd lose money and buyers would run a mile. We did some medium-sized renovations (kitchen, floors, painted it) and put it on the market after being there 13 months. It sold in a day, for about 50k more than we'd bought it.

Admittedly it was in a desirable area and there was a mini-boom going on at the time (this was 2011). But, the point of this story is that you can buy-and-sell somewhere in a short period of time and not make a loss. Yes, it may be that you'll get over your initial wobbles after a few months. But if you don't, don't feel that you have to live there and be miserable. Better to cut your losses and sell it. I think you have to do up the house with the thought that you'll be selling it on soon. So rather than doing it up as you'd like it, try to do it up as the majority of people would like it. You could even try getting a few agents in to get advice on what you do, and don't, need to do.

We bought our first home and I will never forget picking up the keys opening the door and just bursting into tears. I should have been so excited but I kept saying 'what have I done.' My sister didn't help by laughing. The house and estate were so different to what I had grown up with and it really was awful it needed so much work inside and out, it did not feel like home at all. The view of the power station didn't help either. We stuck at it though and slowly it began to feel like home, we've been here 12 years now and looking to sell soon simply because we need somewhere bigger. I really will be sorry to see this house go. It takes time to make a home you're own and get used to a new area but you will, give it time.

Your house sounds awesome. Grieve for your childhood home and settle in slowly. It sounds to me like you've done the right thing.

The minute I walked into my house I felt we'd made a mistake. The hall was thinner than I remembered and I hated the kitchen sink. 14 years later, the hall is a normal size and we have a new kitchen. Still not settled but that's me and my issues plus three messy buggers of kids. I hope you soon feel happier.

Hmmm. Reading this is actually helping me. We are due to complete on Tuesday on an unbelievably expensive house that I really don't like....but I do really like the area. We'll also have no money left over to do it up.

Nice to hear that some people have grown to love their houses.

Before we moved in to our (albeit rented council house) in November last year, we left in a 2 bedroom, first floor flat about drug addicts (delightful-not) anyway we moved on grounds of asb and my partner's disability. Cue literally hundreds of calls to the council/police which helped getting us moved, we viewed two before this one and I wasn't taken until I walked in here and literally fell in love, it was everything I'd dreamed of for us and dd (15 months). A week later we moved in and I started to feel unsure but when we started to mark our territory/make it our own. I sometimes get a wobbly day but (don't take this personally) I don't think you've given your house a chance. There are clearly reasons why you've fallen in love with this house and you've likely had opportunity to pull out pre-purchase and I think you need to let yourself get settled and start building the life you dreamed of pre-move. If say in another 6 months, a year or whatever then then do your work, add some value and move on. Take care and stay positive OP x

I was idly scrolling through this, when I suddenly I realised, "Wait! I hated our apartment when we first moved in too!" Which is to say that I no longer hate it and had forgotten that I did hate it to begin with! ;-) It's difficult going from the known to starting all over again. We went from a new-build that was fresh and clean and, well, new, to a bigger place in a better location BUT in a much older building. For months I felt like I couldn't get things clean, and I hated all the "old" bits about it. But then I remembered what had attracted to me to it, and the longer we were here, the more I realised how much I did appreciate those pluses. It sounds like your property has some really strong points, it sounds lovely in fact, and I think the longer you are there the more you will see those points and the less you will see the negative ones. There is an adjustment period, give yourself some time and don't be too hard on yourself! x

I felt very ill at ease when I moved - even a bit scared of intruders/ghosts etc! It was a bit of a shock as I had felt immediately at home in my last place from day one. Fast forward and I am snug as a bug in a rug.

I am findng this thread very interesting as I've had an offer accepted on a flat but am getting cold feet. I actually love it but worry that it is too small for a family of four.

Look, I took longer to bond with either of my babies than you have had with this house. I think you must accept that leaving the last house was emotionally freighted for you, as your childhood home, and will have churned up lots of feelings and memories. The new house has probably done nothing wrong; it just hasn't got any beautiful memories associated with it (yet).

I chose a house I didn't love (also on a very busy road) and it will never, ever be my dream home. But I am grudgingly fond of it, and have learned to really appreciate its assets. You've got a lot of work ahead, but that work will bond you to your house - and it's amazing what some fresh paint and a load of TLC can achieve.

I agree with previous posters to see it as a project. Spend the amount on it that is reasonable with regards to making your money back.
I am living in a house, the size of which we dont need and haven't really got the money to run. As a consequence we live a restricted life because there's never any money to do anything nice.
I also hate the fact that the house is constantly cold. It's the way it is situated where the sun casts a shadow because of an extension. I put jumpers on when I enter the house even on a summers day. I have to work for home so sit In the office with a fan heater. I can't wait to get out of here, but my dh loves it and can't understand my frustration.
Do it up, move.

If it's any consolation I have come out the other side of the tunnel you find yourself in! We fell in love with a house which we put an offer in on as soon as ours had sold only for the vendors to withdraw it from the market. We had agreed exchange dates with out purchasers and didn't want to lose the sale of our house so we panic viewed lots of places and put an offer in on the one we're in now. I was so sad about the house we didn't get and to be honest I sometimes drove past it and wondered what if......but the house we have now instead is lots bigger, is in a better location and has a lovely big garden. I could keep telling myself that all the time but the pangs of regret were always there. It has taken 9 years (sorry!) but I do now feel like this is our home. We don't have a lot of money so we have redecorated quite slowly and recently we ripped up the last of the shitty carpet in the hall and put a nice wooden floor down and I finally walked in and thought "I love my home now". It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate at the moment and the stress of moving should never be underestimated, so hopefully given time you will adjust to your new home and learn to love it, because it sounds amazing!

OP, absolutely here with you. In fact I feel like an expert in house hating.
My first flat (that was abroad) - did not meet my criterias when buying, far from perfect but loved it (was single then).

My first house - an old Victorian in a shabby (now up and coming) London area. Had cold feet long before exchange and horrible sinking feeling when we moved in. It needed so much doing to it. By the time we fixed most things (only fixed - the plaster was still old and cracking and there were structural worries too) and redecorated to our liking, we started lacking one bedroom (for aupair) and secondary schools started springing into my mind. The house itself felt like an old sick family member, which I have grown fond of. But I was glad to have found good reasons for moving. By the time I sold it (5.5 years after buying) I almost loved it and cried about moving. "Almost" loved it - there was still something that didn't quite click for me, but I was proud of having owned it.

My second house in which I am in now - a complete opposite to the first house, a compact 1960s house in an quiet estate. The area is considered lovely, the schools are amazing, the house needs nothing doing to it and I got it for bargain price due to probate sale. There is nothing wrong with the house! But I miss my old area, and I miss an old victorian charm, which I hated at the time I was living it. This one is in a suburb and we need car for almost everything. My kids go to the old school and it takes about 30 mins (with a bus). There is still 3 years to a secondary school admissions. We moved for the 3 bedroom, for the fact nothing needs doing to the house, for the greenery and safety of this area for my boys, and most importantly for the secondary schools.

My heart cries as if not for my boys, I would be back in my old area, just another house, in a shot. I keep thinking, I need to hang on here for schools. On the other hand, when they start secondary, I will be tied and I won't be able to move back? There is only 2 miles between my old and new area but it is such a difference.

Omg I am so glAd I'm not the only one. We moved nearly a year ago to a new build, so house wasn't even built properly yet. It was either this house or nothing though cos of the cost of property. Everyone told me how lovely the house is, how happy I must be, but I'm still not. I was desperate to move & don't want to be back where I was, but don't really like it here. I like the area (apart from fact we face outwards twds council houses), kids have friends round here, but we are too near an A road - so loud traffic, the rooms in house too small. I could go on!! There are some positives like the living areas & underfloor heating and it's very light (old house too dark). Just not quite right & I did express my thoughts to dh after we moved & his response was 'we could've backed out', but then we would've lost the sale on our house & I felt at the time I didn't have a choice. so now I suppose we'll need to be here until kids finish school, then location won't be as important (7 years). Hope that you can learn to like your house at least. I am slowly getting there & will feel better when we've got new furnishings I think.

Note to Anderson 78 who says she absolutely has to exchange contracts this coming Monday:
No you absolutely don't! I once walked around with the contract in my bag to sign and exchange for nearly a week but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I finally called the solicitor, who was absolutely brilliant! The solicitor made all the calls to pull out of the deal so I didn't have to face the estate agent. I didn't buy the place and only had a smaller amount of legal fees to pay. Best decision I ever made. Don't do it if you don't want to.