How do you compromise on family home?

[MagersfonteinLugg]

When one of you wants to buy a sprawling Victorian house with 'a face', high ceilings and big overgrown garden, and the other wants to live in a modern innocuous box on a cramped cul de sac/estate with thin walls and no character?

Well, you LTB. Or compromise on a nice 30s semi with lovely bay windows.

Did that help?

Seriously, feel your pain. Tell us more.

No compromise! The Victorian house wins !!!

I just keep reliving that scene in "She's Having a Baby" where Kevin Bacon sees all his new suburban neighbours mowing the lawn and washing their cars at the same time. The horrified expression on his face says it all really.
How do you compromise in this?

How would the innocuous box come over if expressed by the one who wants it? Or do they just hate Victorian?

By the way, Victorian is far better. Especially the garden.

I hate Victorian. However the modern estate sounds awful. What about a compromise? 1930's or 1950's. My favourite period has to be 60's houses

Make a list of the most important features for you e.g. big garden, close to tow centre, easy maintence, etc.. and see if you can get a type of house that fits.

Or LTB and buy the victorian

Christmas is right. Unless you've got a massive passion for restoration etc- it's more important that the house works for you.

Also - how much of your spare time do you want to spend on your house. I thought I desperately wanted an old house, pushed for it but now resent the time (and money!) we have to spend on upkeep!

It is a beautiful house though - but I'd rather be doing something fun with the kids than painting the bloody windows!!

Have you lived in a Victorian house before?

They're money pits. High ceilings, big rooms but boy do they burn your wallet.

I would just look at places thatmeet your criteria in terms of location, garden etc then decide. Don't rule out anything until you've seen it.

You tell yourself this: its a house for your family to live, its the people in it and the lives you lead that matter. It may take a while to convince yourself!

I say this as a person who lives in a modern house on an estate but loves period houses :)

We chose to live in this house as that is what we can afford, there is little period housing in my town, my house has parking, is easier to clean and upkeep than a period house. I used to say our estate was no ones spiritual home, but actually given time and the fact I now have a child, other things are more important and I am content here. It has parks nearby, a school, lovely neighbours, paths to walk around the estate, near to shops. And we have put money into making it work for us.

Is your partner dead set against or are you likely to get your own way?! They say its ultimately the woman that decides on the house!

We found that when we started looking our criteria came closer surprisingly quickly as the house each of us really wanted didn't exist! Location turned out to be the thing that mattered most. We're now in an unlovely bungalow that neither of us would choose as a house but the location is perfect and we both love it.

Am in a similar position OP. We saw the "head house" yesterday: the town we said we wanted, schools have places, 3rd bedroom still a good size, etc etc... But house so modern and dull looking I can't actually look at the picture of the front on the details. But there is nothing else in the town, it's under budget, kids and husband would be happy there... But it absolutely does not, and never would, make my heart sing (Kirstie Alsop has a LOT to answer for!). Going back for a second viewing today to see if I can feel it. Theres going to have to be a compromise, but what if 6 months in I still hate it?

Agree about Victorian properties being money and time pits. I wouldn't like thin walls either though!

Agree with PPs that other things, especially price, location/transport and the size/layout/rooms you need are more important than the era/style of house.

Also agree that unless you really enjoy it and have plenty of time and money renovating and DIY is a PiTA. Ditto gardening!

Agree that you have to work out the most important things for your LIFE, rather than the dream house and see what's for sale that fits that criteria.

I also love the idea of a Victorian house (our first offer last time we bought was on a little Victorian cottage) but the survey put paid to any thought of realistically taking it on, and when I look back I'm glad.

We are actually moving again tomorrow and we are moving for 100% location, for schools mainly. The house is nice but we will have to work hard to make upstairs work for us as a family. It's got a tiny box room which isn't ideal but it's what we can afford in that location so we are going with it.

I love victorian houses but you definitely pay a huge premium (round here anywa)

We live in a thirties house but we're only 1 road of thirties houses as opposed to a whole suburban estate of them.

Ultimately when you have a,family it's,which house works for your family not how pretty the brick work is that will make your heart sing longterm.
Also the reference to the Kevin bacon film can apply even if you live in a victorian house roud here they are all being turned into clones of each other - shutters, grey front door, number frosted above the door, up and down silver lights, bay tree, box hedging, French lavender.
I know quite a couple of people in smallish victorian houses desperate for more space and light they can't afford to move and wishing they'd listened to their heads over their hearts and bought the house (their parents told them to!)

Location, location, location?

Sorry, no one had said it, but surely its about WHERE you want/need to live. So you decide that, then see what is available for your budget and make a decision.

I wouldn't chose a Victorian unless I have money to literally burn. I find people in the uk have romantic notions about living in old houses which rarely play out in real life. A warm, non-draughty, dry home is far better than one that is constantly falling down around your ears.

My last house was Victorian and soooo pretty. When we moved, we found a similar house in a lovely street here but it was TINY. Rooms were all 11' x 11'. Not enough when there are 4 of you!

So we bought a "box" on a quiet cul de sac and we are really happy! The only time I get a pang for a prettier house is when people come over for the very first time. But once they're in and see how we've decorated, etc, I relax.

Plus we have more money here than we would in the Victorian one. That had worrying cracks and damp patches; this is immaculate!

I think you collate a list of your priorities. Location, price, space, garden etc but you also factor in the more intangible things like community aspect, privacy (likely to have a community feel on an estate but everyone knows your business!), time & expense of upkeep and re-saleability if you’re looking to move again any time soon (I agree that Victorian houses are expensive to maintain, and to heat, but are likely to hold / increase their value whereas newbuilds are less likely to hold their value but are cheaper to maintain).

I also think for a family house, you live IN IT rather than look at it. I think unless you’re very lucky and have quite a choice of options, you have to go with your head rather than your heart. Which property (regardless of age) will work best as a family and how you live your lives. I love old properties but my children couldn’t have cared less about the high ceilings or original features when we lived in a Victorian house – they were more concerned that the single glazed window in their bedroom had ice on the inside one very cold morning . I know its really hard to do, and no doubt there should be compromise on both sides, but you both have to take yourselves out of the equation somewhat, and view properties objectively.

We previously had a new build. It was a means to an end and got us on the pproperty ladder. We're now in a 30s semi. If we moved again, DH would want new build.

Seeing as it is him that has decorated this house, looks after the garden and done all of the DIY (lots of it!), I don't think it'd be right for me to overrule with "but I want preeeeettttty".

Things I miss about our new build - the warmth/ insulation/cheaper bills. The complete absence of DIY and the accompanying expense. It was designed for modern living so even the power points we're arranged usefully.

I like/love our current home, but 10 years on, we're still ploughing through a to-do list and truthfully with full time jobs and young children we'd sooner spend our time & money on other things than "the house".

We currently live in the ground floor of a victorian house conversion. I adore it, and it is vast for a two bed.

Sadly a three bed version would be out of our price range, and we need to move. I know I will have to compromise on aesthetics, just as DH will have to compromise on a garden, as ultimatley we both still want to stay in this immediate area.

The new "Bellway Boxes" are vastly overpriced around here so at least we dont have to consider them.

I would go for the Victorian house every time - we live in one and have done for 7 years and its not a money pit. when we moved in we knew we had a lot of work to do, which took about 9 months, but since its been done we have done absolutely nothing else to it.

we lived in a new build before we moved to the victorian house and would never go back to one, they are awful and not half as warm as other people make out.

Be careful about making assumptions about the time/money you'll have for upkeep of an older house. I hugely compromised on the 'dream house' factor when I bought my place: I prioritised location, size and price. It was a toss-up between a pretty Victorian terrace with 2 fewer bedrooms, or our ugly 1930s (badly modernised) house.

I'm so glad I chose the latter, and didn't over-extend ourselves. Since then my salary has been frozen for 4 years, everything else has got more expensive, and all my assumptions that income:mortgage ratio have been shown to be ludicrous. I can't believe we were seriously considering houses £100k dearer than this one, and hugely relieved that we didn't go there.

Also, my house will never be beautiful but it has given me huge pleasure to do it up on a shoestring, making the most of the advantages it does have (light, airy, great storage, picture windows looking on trees front and back). It's taught me a lot more about interior design than a pretty period place could have.

Having said which, my choice was between Victorian and 1930s - yours is between Victorian and modern box. Some compromises are just TOO demanding.

Go for a house you like even if you don't love it.We went for the convenient house , i have never settled , its always felt like a place to live rather than my home .

I thought it was just a stop gap but failed to realise that dh has a pathological objection to moving and now we have been here 17 year and will never be able to afford my dream home .We have a lot of space but its an ugly house which is too close to its neighbours to get the value , so moving will entail going up a price bracket and now we are both 50 that would be stupid financially

We are about to exchange (hopefully) on a new build. I originally wanted a period house but realistically, we haven't done much to our current house in the 15 years we have lived here (apart from decorating and spending thousands on new windows and the garden). The new build will mean it will be economical to run, no draughts, enough plug sockets, no crumbly plaster, straight walls, flat floors, much more useable space... The list goes on.

My plan is that when ds leaves home, we will sell up and buy a period cottage in the middle of nowhere. For now though, location means he can walk home from school (and therefore do as many after school things as he wants), dh can take the train to work on grotty days (he cycles everyday now) and we can actually do things together at weekends instead of one of always 'fixing' something.