Rural vs town living for children

[redleader]

I have always lived on the edge of small towns but hanker after rural living. A property has come up that I would love but with a 2.5 year old, am I being selfish..... I know that it will be great when he is young but when he is older and wanting to meet up with mates would he resent living so far away and having to rely on mum and dads taxi to get everywhere

Hi, we moved from a city to a rural location, 10 min to nearest town or village, ds was born a couple of months after we moved in. I found that while i have my dream house and land, animals etc i have found it very isolating. Only 1 neighbour at the bottom of the track speaks to us, other neighbours clearly told us they wont visit or speak to us as they dont "go amoungst the neighbours" but they all socialise together regularly. we have been here coming up to 5 years and I knew after 2 I wanted to move. Ds went to playgroup in the local town for 1 year and made no friends, hated going and none of the mums would even give me eye contact. I went to all groups in the town available and still do and still no one speaks to us even when i speak to them, say hi, how are things?, it is not a nice feeling. Ds is now in nursery at the local village and loves it, mums all speak and he has made friends. For me the lack of opportunities for ds with regards to sports and other classes available is a negative, he is also an only child and will stay an only child. We rarely have people invite us round and no matter how much we invite people from nursery they rarely come. We have no support network and its hard work. It is because of this we are planning on leaving. As muh as i love the rural haven we have created there is just not enough kids stuff available for ds to be involved in and this would not be an issue if we lived in or nearer a city, we are an hour to nearest city. Im glad we gave it a go though and if we had 2 children it may have been different. I know everyone raves about rural living and kids rolling down the hills in glee but it can have it drawbacks. Im in a rural part of Scotland so things are different here. I know people who have come here and loved it, it just was not for us. There is a new rural forum you could always post in there too I grew up in the city and done heaps of sports, museums (they only open for 6 months in the countryside, year round in the city) had lots of friends, went on busses and trains myself. I realised that is now what i want for ds too.

We moved from central London to the semi-rural suburbs of south London and it really is the best of both worlds. We're walking distance from rolling countryside for DC to get muddy in, go sledging, ride bikes etc and yet can be in Central London in around 35 mins to go to galleries and museums, shopping and shows.

The suburbs have loads of clubs going on for DC (scouts, music, drama, sports, martial arts etc) all within walking distance - every bit as good as inner city. And although public transport is a bit limited, it does exist, so DC can get themselves into local towns to meet up with friends now they are moving into their teens. It's pretty perfect.

We live in the middle of woodland and whilst we are close to two villages we don't really see the neighbours (their houses aren't even visible from ours and all properties around here have a lot of land and are behind large electric gates).

I love it. It is pitch black dark at night and the stars are so bright (but its very noisy with owls in particular). My children run wild. They are very active and know the names of most birds, plants etc. We have deer in the garden most mornings and the buzzards are currently circling overhead. As I type I can hear woodpeckers in the woods and a cuckoo.

Yes we have to get into the car to go anywhere but so what. My DSs are 9 and nearly 7. They might not like it quite so much when they're teenagers and want to go out but they'll cope.

We are living in a very rural location. I have 3 DCs the eldest is 12. For us it is a novelty as we come from London and are only here for 2/3 years. I could not stay here for longer with teenagers long term I don't think. Having to drive them everywhere, no independence etc. Having said that, they are very happy doing stuff they didn't do in London - horse riding, golf, riding bikes in safety and we spend more time as a family. It's lovely in summer and I love all the space and peace but ...

I think it depends on what your definition is of rural. Obviously if you're the only house down a track, thats something quite different from being within walking distance of some amenities and local transport. To me, rural means not within walking distance of amenities / transport. For me (with my oldest child almost 9), I wouldn't want rural. We are in a large village, in a suburb, and I want the children to have some independence. I want them to be able to walk home from school by themselves at some point (even when its dusk), be able to pop round to their friends, to be able to walk to the library / shops etc by themselves. Not to have to rely on us as taxi drivers. We have friends that live out in the sticks and the children could ride to the little local train station but trains are sporadic at best and its narrow country roads, mostly unlit, and she is generally always at their beck and call for lifts just to make sure they're safe. I think as you've said its wonderful to have that open space / countryside on your doorstep as a young child, but if it limits your social life / independence when you get a little bit older, then I wouldn't choose it for my family. Thats just my view though. Tough decision .

we are living rural at the moment and my 15 year old son will not leave the house unless i drive him in case he is attacked by dogs.
I kid you not.
In addition he has to travel for over an hour each way to do his GCSEs and if he misses the 7.35 bus then the day is ruined.
There are very few opportunities social or otherwise and mostly teens hang around in the park smoking weed talking racist shyte i would not even repeat.
yes my daughter learnt to ride a pony but .....
all i want to do is move back to London.

We're in a very small rural town (have been to villages with bigger populations!) and I think it's brilliant.

There is a lovely local community with a good mix of "proper" locals and newcomers. Everything we need day to day is 5-10 mins walk away. Prob less choice of activities than in a city but the dcs do football, tennis, swimming, drama, cubs/beavers - again all within 5mins walk plus music lessons and other activities at school. We can walk into open countryside from our house and the dcs spent most of last year's hot spell swimming in the river. Can get to the nearest city in about 35mins when we need a city fix.

what you just described is not 'rural' shoewhore

We live in a small village (1 post office/shop and a pub) but no school which is in next village over 5-10 min drive from 2 towns for doctors/dentist/supermarkets/ some shops etc etc and 30 min from Bristol, 20 min from Newport and 40 min from Cardiff. We have countryside on our doorstep but access to all amenities when needed. Lots of other kids in the village for when they are old enough to go out and play by themselves.
I feel we have the best of both worlds. Sitting in garden all I can hear apart from my own kids bouncing on the trampoline is a lawn mower and some birds.

Market town is as country as I'm willing to go. The schools bus the kids in from villages outside the town and the dc share swimming lessons with kids who live 30 mins' drive away. It's common for villages around here to have no gas which put us off whilst house hunting a few years ago.

Lower population means less choice of schools - both private and state!

We live very rurally. I love it- but if I had my time over again I wouldn't do it. As I've said on several other threads the last couple of days, I drove nearly 200 miles last weekend!

You could move rural for a spell & move back.
Really must decide why you would like rural. I would loathe it, but we're all different.

We are semi rural. Loads of hills/forests/lakes and a one mile walk out of small town or a 2 min bus ride. The town has everything we need - pool, banks, gym and lots of nice community stuff for all ages. I do feel we have the best of both worlds.

Lower population usually means more affluent schools in my area.

Maybe you need to consider living on the edge of a village with good facilities?

I live rurally and love it. The closest shop is a 10 min drive and village is 15 min drive away. We don't see the neighbours often as there are only two houses nearby but not in sight.

I am ready for the taxi-ing when the dc get to that stage. By all accounts, most parents have this chore anyway. we will teach them to drive as soon as they are legal.

The garden is like a playground and the dc keep each other company.

We love it here. I grew up in an estate and always loved visits to farms and rural places. My siblings are more extroverted so the quiet would drive them mad

He is still a long time young.

My dc's love being in the country.

I'll worry about their teen years when the time comes.

You can be just as isolated transport wise in a sprawling edge of town estate very often.

We are moving from a small semi-rural village with no facilities bar one pub & one shoebox-size village store to large village in commuterland. DS is an only and there is a shortage of children to play with though if he was a girl and five years younger there isn't the same problem. We don't want to be in a town but where we are looking has a handful of viable shops, sports clubs, a library, a primary school and is on the school bus route.

No.

I come from the country and now live in town.

Although running wild and free (amongst the slurry pits, fast running streams, ponds, cows and other lurking dangers) children are often less able to be independent from an early age, e.g cannot walk to school because of the distance or lack of a footpath along a fast windy narrow lane, and cannot go out on bikes for the same reason.

You become a taxi service straight away, playdates requiring planning, driving etc, rather than a walk along the road to the near-neighbours.

Rural deprivation hits children and teens badly, little to do, little opportunity to continue education in the area, no bus service, few activities on offer, clubs, social occasions, swimming pool, library etc. Sitting in the bus shelter smoking underage or using solvents is a big social occasion in my family's village.

I hated being reliant on a car for every journey or small job.

Obviously the lifestyle suits many people, maybe you need to have a big family of kids who get on with each other, or actually enjoy isloation and solitude, or else come to terms with life in a sort of bubble, driving everywhere.

Thanks for all the advice, I would really love to go for it and I guess it'll be 14-15 years before he needs picking up from the pub at 2am and lets face it, I used to ring to be picked up and I lived in the town!!

Only 4 years til he needs picking up from Beavers, football, choir..........

Like littleredsquirrel,my dc's know the names of many wildflowers, are happy wandering about in the woods in the dark, and love to paddle in the stream close by.
They can go and get an egg from the chook house when they want one, stand out with the bats at dusk, and listen to the tawny owls at night.
They are very lucky, I think.

BleachedWhale your post is exactly what my feelings are now. I think its good to take a chance and at least try but its really not for everyone. I will miss the countryside when we leave but i want ds to be independant from a young age and it just wont work here. He moans when we go to the city and walk to varies shops saying his legs dont work and why cant we drive to the cafe or shops because that we do back at home we drive everywhere