Rural vs town living for children

[redleader]

I have always lived on the edge of small towns but hanker after rural living. A property has come up that I would love but with a 2.5 year old, am I being selfish..... I know that it will be great when he is young but when he is older and wanting to meet up with mates would he resent living so far away and having to rely on mum and dads taxi to get everywhere

When it snowed a lot last year mine were in the habit of going out for moonlit sledging runs with DH. They saw badgers in the woods whilst out.

There are many many places where even without it being rural DCs would need picking up from clubs etc.

The travelling when they are older is something to consider though. Mine go to school in the nearest city which is 30-40 minutes in the car but the school has pupils from a very very wide area anyway (independent) and so its not like they'd be popping across the road to see school friends. We'd be ferrying them about whether we lived in the town or country. I do worry about the winding roads though when they are older. There will be a temptation for them to get into cars with their friends and teenage boys and cars are not a good combination.

I can empathise with both the positives and the negatives in previous posts. My DC are 11 and 7, so not at the teenage dissatisfaction point yet (quite). They love living in the middle of nowhere, seeing the seasons change, being able to see a million stars, having a big garden to play in, etc etc. Yes there is less choice of schools, but you can generally choose between those that there are (although transport is only provided to the official catchment area one).

You do have to accept that you will be driving him to activities, parties, etc a lot, but TBH I was already doing that for DC1 when we lived in a town (although distances are longer here, but no traffic factor other than cows/sheep/horses/tractors)

DH and I end up driving 1000s of miles for work, but since we both work at home quite a lot it's not a daily commute, and leaving home at 5am is made a lot more bearable by stepping out to the clean air and absolute quiet being broken only by the occasional bleat from the sheep next door.

On balance, I would recommend it, but I spent my teenage years living in the country so knew what I was getting into.

See that surprises me froginthepond. Mine are far more used to walking than my niece and nephew who are in London and use buses and the tube constantly since we go on long walks through the woods and they are so active and outdoorsy.

My dc's are good walkers.
I don't drive so they 've always had to walk the lanes, and learned road safety rules from an early age.
Rural public transport isn't great, but we have an hourly bus service about a mile away during the main part of the day.
It's what we're used to.

We live on the edge (10 mins walk from the centre) of a market town and I think it's the best of both worlds, not far out into the countryside, but we are within 10 mins walk of a good primary school, a leisure centre, scout and guide huts and 20 mins walk to an excellent secondary school. The DCs can see their friends very easily, can walk to school (unaccompanied from Year 4). I think it's far better for their growing independence and fitness than being ferried everywhere by car.

Also, it's a great community, the DCs (10 and 8) have several friends each within about 5 mins walk, all the neighbours get on well and look out for each other, we're never short of a babysitter, catsitter, someone to water the garden when we're away, no way would I swap all that for rural isolation. We still see the seasons change, we don't have the big black sky but as we are 12 miles away from any bigger towns and 25 from any cities we can see the sky and starts pretty well too.

Depends what you mean by 'rural' really. How isolated.
My dsis 's house isnt' even rural, but it's too far from anywhere to be able to walk, and it's only got one bus and that doesn't actually run at a time that would allow you to go anywhere.
Her dc are now into their 20s, and she still has to run them places that my dc have been walking / cycling / getting lifts with friends as they are passing anyway / getting the bus or getting the train to for years.
dnieces tell me it costs them £40 in a taxi to get into town from there - that's a LOT of money when it's not even that far out.
All through secondary, they needed lifts every single day - that's wearing, esp when one is staying late for something so finishing at a different time.

That said, your ds is very young. You could go live somewhere really rural for 8 - 10 years, then think again.

I moved from inner London to rural location when DD was 3 and then had DS. They had a fairly idyllic childhood in some ways - dogs and ponies, lovely village primary school, fishing and paddling in the local river. The downsides were very little independence - when they were old enough they still needed to be driven everywhere - no buses, no pavements ( but still fast moving traffic). The secondary school bus leaves the village at 7 15 in the morning - most children have to be driven to the bus stop first. Meeting up with friends from school always has to be planned and relies on parents driving. At one point I was driving 300 miles per week! In London I used to drive 12 miles. However, I have loved living here and, until my daughter learnt to drive, I always knew exactly where they were.

I didn't say it was proper rural nigella

But it is another option that gives the dcs very easy access to open countryside, without a lot of the downsides of total rural isolation. And when I say it's a town, it is honestly the smallest town I've ever been to, really pretty and can walk from one side to the other in 10 mins. The school overlooks fields full of cows and the school community is definitely a rural one - plenty of farming families.

Like Bleachedwhale I grew up in a rural village and my experience was pretty much the same. Yes I knew the names of birds and plants and spent hours out in the countryside with my mates, we had chickens at the bottom of the garden etc etc. But as a teen I hated it - my parents were too busy to drive me and brother anywhere and there were no buses after the school bus to the town where all my friends lived. I left home at 18 moved to a city and have never gone back to rural living and wouldn't.

I love the fact my DS has a choice of schools and will be able to walk into town for nights out when he's older! Plus where we are we can walk out to the edge of the town when we want to.

Actually, in a busy suburb of a major city (London), my kids do NOT need ferrying about to friends, scouts and guides, swimming, the park. They walk, or go on bus and tube. They have walked to school alone since aged 9.

If you really want to do it, OP, then go for it and doubtless you will make it work. But I do note that in early teen-hood my kids have the freedom of the region, and go to different parks together, walk to local clubs, visit all sorts of events and have a hugely busy social calendar outside the family, my neice and nephew on isolated outskirts of a village spend far more time than my kids on the XBox, experience fewer events and cultural opprtunities and have fewer friends they socialise with outside school. They are not confident using public transport or visiting places they don't know, and while their parents do not begrudge the constant taxi-ing to dance lessons and scouts, it does take up a massive chunk of weekends - dance classes involve, for example, 2 x6 mile round trips. They have to run 2 cars. I am aghast at the petrol bills and conesquent carbon emissions of a family who purport to enjoy a 'back to nature' life.

My kids get plenty of access to the countryide - we walk, camp in rural locations, starwatch, badger watch, visit rock pools and ponds and lakes at holiday times and weekends - just as we would if we lived by them!

But as I say, you will make it work for all of you if it was what you really want. We all have to make comromises on something, just be clear about the various realities.

I grew up 'proper rural', on a farm in a very isolated area and although there was acres of fields to play in, there was little else.

Rural poverty is awful; most of my contemporaries left the area as soon as they hit 18 (as did I) and rarely go back. Drug and alcohol abuse was commonplace as there was very little else to do, little money and virtually no public transport. It's not something I would choose for my children.

We did town (small city) up to ds's 2nd birthday, then moved out to a large ish village for toddler groups, primary schooling, lots of country walks, cubs, parks, picnics... Up until he started secondary which was at an independent school back in the city...when we moved back to the city.

I think we've done it the right way round. Ds's new school friends live all over but there are some local, he goes to the museum and the cinema on his own, and as he's getting to the age where we can leave him for a little bit, there's so much more going on for us to do in the city, music, theatre, etc.

From a child's / teenagers point of view, I lived in a cottage in the cotswolds in a tiny village (one shop, one teeny primary school me and my sister chose not to attend as it was SO small, 50 kids in total).

I went to primary and secondary school in a nearby smallish market town (4 miles away). I spent most of my youth at friends houses that lived in the market town. I remember my parents complaining that they never saw me or my sister as we were always sat round someone elses kitchen table (in the more 'happening town') drinking tea / frequenting the pubs (when we were older ).

Me and my now DH had the same childhoods and neither wants the rural village lifestyle - we both felt slightly 'isolated' as kids, relying on parents or a terrible bus service for lifts out and about.

We now live on the edge of a large market town - 10mins walk one way and you're in fields and countryside, 15mins walk the other way and you're in the centre of town. School is 5 mins walk round the corner. Its ideal for us!

But your choice shouldn't just be about your kids and what they'd like. I certainly didnt have an unhappy rural childhood, I think its just made me love the hustle and bustle of a town / city.

Hi everyone!
It would be handy to have the names of the villages you live in.

Your discussions gave a good insight of pros and cons of living in the countryside but as I have to choose where to move to ( 1.5 hours away from London) I would appreciate some details. Rural, calm ( but not dead), sport facilities (
Have 3 kids). Good schools.

Where is best?

Help please...

Thank you
Simona

I think where we live is perfect for a young family and will be good with older children too. A pretty, mid-sized village with a great community feel in an area of outstanding natural beauty on the river. Good day-to-day facilities. Good train service to Oxford, Reading and London. Wouldn't move for anything and our children would throw a wobbly at the idea (age 10 and 12). Not cheap though.

I'm glad we moved out of centre of Oxford when the children were small, but also glad we didn't go anywhere more remote.

Country living is great for smaller children.
Worry about when they're older, when they're older.
I've known teenagers very happy to not live in town.
Things can change, so I don't look too far ahead.

simonar this is an old post from april.

DH grew up in rural New Zealand and it sounds the same as what's described here. Teens have nothing to do but smoke and drink in the fields.

It's fairly easy to work out how isolated you would be. Look at the buses that go around the area you like to move to. How often are they and where they go to? Are there leisure centres, scouts or girl guides group nearby? How large is the catchment of local schools?

I definitely don't mind driving my DD as she's 3 only. But we are about 10-15min to a bus stop that runs a major every 20min bus service to cities. (One of them I would say fairly large). And also there are bus services to the local supermarket, library etc. I drive everywhere as are all the adults. But I see the teens and elderlies using the bus service.

And it's rural enough you actually can sledge down a hill behind my back garden. And there is local fishing too. You really don't have to get proper rural for that stuff.

And train services too like irregular says. They need a way to get outside to a place with shops, clubs, cinemas by themselves. Be it bus or train. Oh and you will need it too if you fancy having some drinks on a night out!

I grew up in a rural area and absolutely hated it. I'll never go back. As a teenager I was so jealous of my school friends that they could drop by each others houses or hop on a bus or train to into town while I was stuck in the arse end of nowhere relying on lifts everywhere.

I love the freedom and friendship that a suburban location offers my children. I love that I can walk to a shop or a restaurant and I can walk to the train station.

I grew up in a very rural area. I loved it to a point.
The problem isn't just the needing to be picked up from the pub when you are 18, it's the having no one to play with. I live in a suburb now and I see the children in my street knocking for each other and think how lovely that is.
One of the highlights of my summer used to be going to stay with an aunt because I was friends with a couple of children on her estate and they used to come and knock for me.
It makes you isolated from your friends.
As an adult I would move back tomorrow, but not if I had DC.

I'm with ThatBloodyWoman (nice name), v rural here, no neighbours, only child but with an acre garden, paddock, ponies, etc., etc.. We talk to the owls every day and they keep us awake at night and play spot the wild animal on the drive to school, different types have different points!

I look at some of the young people in my family - shopping, going into town (at too young an age I think) and am so pleased we live rurally.

We ride our bikes, go canoeing, press flowers and grasses, walk in the forest every day. I love it - wouldn't change a thing and I am already a taxi service, brownies, cubs, swimming, archery, music lessons and anything else that crops up.

We go into our nearest city 2 or 3 times a month, take regular city breaks in Europe and visit London 2 or 3 times a year - don't feel we miss out on anything.

It is quite like how I grew up and I think it is a fantastic lifestyle for children.

We are quite rural. Nearest shop is a 5 minute drive and docs and school are ten minutes.
We grow veg in the garden, have ducks, the kids can go and play out and have about 3 acres to wander in.
Dad lives next door so between the two properties, which are the only ones you can see from the house, they have lots of space.
We have made so many lovely friends here, we didn't know anyone in the estate in the city we lived in.
There aren't any buses here so yes when the kids get older I will have to drive them everywhere they want to go but as they are in the town for school I guess they can do stuff after school and I will fetch them later on. I'd be going in anyway.
I grew up here and had horses and a bit of a wild upbringing. Then moved away to Uni/city life.
When ds was 7 months we decided to come back here and convert my parents barn so we could give the kids a country upbringing.
I didn't know anyone after being away for so long but everyone has been lovely. I think people make more of an effort here as there isn't much to do, so you make your own entertainment. (Not swinging btw!!)