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Original poster

Buying a house you don't love - anyone got experiences to share?

59 replies

Springforward · 09/04/2012 19:49

We're currently renting, and we've been looking for a house to buy for a few months, but none yet have felt like "the one".

We need to apply for DS' primary school place in window September - mid-January so we really do have to get on with this, and really we're hoping to have a purchase in progress by the end of the month so that we've got some breathing space for a slow transaction.

So - it looks like I'm going to have to go into this purchase (whatever it turns out to be) with my head, not my heart, which I've not done before. DH is much more open to this fact than I am, but obviously this has to be a joint decision so I can't just expect to leave it to him!!

Anyone got experience of buying a house you don't love, and if so how long did it take for it to feel like home?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 09/04/2012 19:50

Well I didn't love our house and 10 years later I still don't but it was the best of what was available at a time and it is home.

missnevermind · 09/04/2012 19:53

RandomMess I was coming on to post exactly that. Word for Word!

RandomMess · 09/04/2012 19:55

LOL

The positive things about the house remain true as do the negatives, I would love to move financially we just can't afford that much more to make it worth the cost so it can't be that bad [simle]

Original poster

Springforward · 09/04/2012 19:57

Wow.

Have I just been deluded lucky in the past, to have found houses I did get that warm, fuzzy feeling about as soon as I went in? (Two previous purchases.)

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RandomMess · 09/04/2012 19:58

In parts it's about your budget though isn't it?

We could only afford 3, 3 bed houses the rest were all 2 beds...

Shakey1500 · 09/04/2012 20:00

We bought a house that I didn't love. Dh did and thought it had potential, I saw a money pit. But we went ahead because I was pregnant, needed to nest so I hurridly agreed. And I hated every second and every inch. We stayed 4 years and moved into a lovely lovely house in Feb. I actually started looking almost as soon as I'd given birth. I saw this house about 2 years ago, watched the price fall and fall, and we swooped at the best price.

Original poster

Springforward · 09/04/2012 20:03

Our budget isn't massive but isn't too bad, and as long as we're not too fussy about area we might manage a small four bed or a big three bed in a reasonable schools area and where the car won't get torched, hopefully.

Last two purchases, my budget was about a third of what it is now (pre-DH) and I just fell in love with the house each time (nothing special, one quarter house, one ex-council mid terrace).

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FamiliesShareGerms · 09/04/2012 20:04

We bought with our hearts the first two times, then with our heads the third. Big mistake. We were very unhappy there - can't quite explain why, but it never felt like home. We moved after two years and are so much happier now.

Mind you, we didn't make as much money on our first two houses as the ones that our heads said we should have bought...

Original poster

Springforward · 09/04/2012 20:04

Ooh, Shakey, that's what I'm afraid of....

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GlendragonParade · 09/04/2012 20:06

Yes - although the things I didn't like were fairly minor really in the grand scheme of things, they were enough to detract from warm fuzziness!

But it was a good practical buy - plenty of room, nice area. Things I hated were

a) shady, cold and quite overlooked garden

b) the fact that the previous owners had put in a new kitchen and bathroom which although not dreadful, were definitely NOT what I would have chosen. But because they were so new (and expensively done), we couldn't justify changing anything except the paint on the walls.

But, at the end of the day it was a good buy and an easy house to live in. I think you just have to do that thing of working out what's REALLY important (and likely to remain important) like area and size, and whether you can afford to do any work that needs doing.

MrsLetchlady · 09/04/2012 20:08

The second house I bought, we got because he had been screwed over by vendors, were aware of the increasing market, and needed a house fast. The house had no upward chain (and we had no downward chain)

We ended up staying there 8 years. I didn't love the house but it was big and it suited our needs. I think if you have a PMA and look for the positives, then it'll become home (fingers crossed)

RandomMess · 09/04/2012 20:09

I think there's a distinction to all heart and all head though. Look for what you like least in a house and ask yourself if you can live with that feature or change it etc.

xkcdfangirl · 09/04/2012 20:11

if you are a first time buyer, which seems to be the case, there's no point waiting to find a house you love - you will almost certainly just be there for a few years and will move on up the housing ladder soon enough. Don't worry about finding the house you love until you are reasonably sure you will never want to move again.

We are in a house I don't love. We had a buyer for our house (our FTB house which we had bought 5 years previously) and the purchase for a house I loved fell through. It had taken us 8 months to find a buyer, there was nothing else on the market in the area I wanted that I could fall in love with, and we had to make a decision immediately or risk losing our buyer. We found a house that is OK, nothing special, but in the right area. My plan is to try again in another 5 years and hope to fing the right house then.

For a FTB house, unless you are wealthy enough to move straight to somewhere high enough on the housing ladder not to worry about these things, your main concern should be to identify something that you will be able to sell on easily - avoid new-build if you can as these often lose value (or rather, are seriously overpriced and when you sell yiou will be in competition with 5 identical ones so will have to price low) and avoid quirkiness that you may love but may not appeal to future FTBs when you are ready to move on.

GlendragonParade · 09/04/2012 20:11

Forgot to say in terms of feeling like home, it did take a while, but then it did and was fine.

Having said that, when we did move (not because of the house, we moved from the area) it wasn't an emotional wrench. So you could look on that as a positive I guess [bugrin]

Original poster

Springforward · 09/04/2012 20:16

We're not FTBs, we're renting because our onward purchase fell through and we were desperate not to lose our buyers. I was hoping to see DS through primary school in the next purchase, really.

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Original poster

Springforward · 09/04/2012 20:19

Glendragon, glad to hear it did feel like home after a while. I guess that might be the best I could hope for, this time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Springforward · 09/04/2012 20:32

Random, I think looking for the thing I like least and working on whether we could live with it might give me a way to get my head round this, thanks.

At the moment the things I always want to veto are narrow shared drives (wide ones ok) and overlooked or north-facing gardens. DH insists on a hallway rather than just a porch. Maybe we should just view everything in range/ area that doesn't have those, then choose least worst option.

OP posts:

xkcdfangirl · 09/04/2012 22:45

ah that is different then - you took the path we didn't in going into rented (I couldn't face the idea of moving house twice in a short time frame). In that case I think I'd be more inclined to hang on a little longer for the right house to come along - you've gone to all this trouble and it's worth waiting a little longer - say end of June - before settling for something. If you know what you really really want down to a small number of streets in the right place with the right kind of house, try leafletting the current residents directly to see if any of them are getting ready to put their house on the market? My sister was on the receiving end of one of these once, they can work!

Kewcumber · 09/04/2012 22:50

I bought a house I didn't love... two weeks ago!

Sold my dream house because I couldn't afford the mortgage any longer, bought my non-dream house because I could pay my mortgage off.

Made some major compromises because I had to. Thought it was the biggest mistake I had ever made for the first week and now I'm already quite fond of it (apart from the trains going through the garden).

At the end of the day, its a house. If I hate it in a few years time I'll move. DS makes me happy, my friends make me happy, reading in peace makes me happy. I am content with the house. It'll do and I may even come to love it as the neighbours seem to be really lovely.

Devora · 09/04/2012 23:58

Property is so expensive, I doubt many of us can afford our dream house, can we? I bought a very ugly house. It lacks any period features. It has low ceilings (my pet hate) and no hallway. BUT it has all the rooms we need, it's light and sunny, it's in a lovely area and just round the corner from great schools. In fact, we did that classic buying the ugly house overviewing beautiful houses thing.

I do look at the neighbours' lovely Victorian houses and envy their architectural proportions. Then I think of the extra £150k it would cost me to get those proportions, and I instantly feel better.

So I'm pretty comfortable living somewhere I don't love. I am very clear about the compromises I made, and why, and what I have gained in turn.

skandi1 · 10/04/2012 00:43

Have owned several houses I loved lots. And was persuaded by DH to buy current house (and sell our fabulous last house) whilst heavily pregnant.

I don't love this current house in fact I hate it. Almost ten months have passed and I hate it more every day.

I was persuaded as DH felt we needed the space for the DCs (this house three times size of previous). And it isn't short of period features and has potential and obviously lots of space for the DCs.

I feel terribly guilty for hating it. I should love it but I don't and didn't exactly fall for it when we viewed it. But DH and DCs love it!

I would say Do Not buy it if you don't love it! For me it has been a terrible mistake. Every day is long and miserable when you are in a house you hate with two very young DC (toddler and baby). It has affected mine and DH relationship negatively and to the point where I have very seriously considered leaving him because he simply will not agree to sell this fecking house.

It keeps me awake every night as I try to come up with ways to get rid of this house and move.

So unless you feel that warm and fuzzy "it's the one" feeling, run a mile!

FamiliesShareGerms · 10/04/2012 08:41

I guess in part it depends what you want from your house: just a roof over your head; great location for work / schools / family; financial growth; somewhere that makes your heart sing.... As Devora says, few of us can afford somewhere that ticks all the boxes, so it's about compromising on the least important points. We thought we could compromise on being somewhere we adored, but it turns out we can't, it just makes us miserable. Others will have different priorities.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 10/04/2012 08:48

My parents bought their last "family" house with their heads, and Mum never liked it in 16 years. It ticked all the boxes; second loo, near bus stop to school, walking distance to Grandma's, but never felt like home.

They moved when Mum flat-out refused to retire unless they had a house she loved. They found it and have never been happier. The previous house did the job, but Mum was never happy there.

mylovelymonster · 10/04/2012 12:38

We've just moved to a house we don't love just yet. It has been the best house we've seen in a good few years of looking and we negotiated a heavy discount away from the asking price - but still a very large outlay. It ticks so many boxes for us though, and when visitors come and say ooh isn't it wonderful and you've done the right thing, that is reassuring and will help us settle in. Funny thing is, it does feel like our home (did very quickly, and the space works so well for us and will do as the children grow up) - very much so - and perhaps we just need to get into the new routine/redecorate/fill it with friends & family/enjoy the considerable extra space and new village life, and make it ours. I'm not sure why DH & I feel so uncertain - it may be because of the cost, or the fact the last house we had was a very happy one for a very long time, we just outgrew it, or my guilt trip changing DDs school and access to her friends (just 5 though, so I may be over-agonising ). Maybe we're just out of our comfort zone for now. Only time will tell I suppose. On paper it was the right thing to do.
Seems awful to be unhappy in your own home (I don't think we are, just stressed!) - surely that feeling can be changed? Emotionally? Any tips to share?

trikken · 10/04/2012 12:51

we've been in a house we dont love for five years. the only good thing is it is three mins from my mums house. If I had the money I'd move tomorrow. we got talked into it cos my parents helped buy it saying it'd be nice once we'd bought it and done it up, only it isnt as we have no money to do it up and there are lots of 'hidden' problems with it. I loved the house we had been renting which the owners had been selling at the time we were looking to buy but parents wouldnt allow us to buy due to being ex council house.

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