Buying a house you don't love - anyone got experiences to share?

[Springforward]

We're currently renting, and we've been looking for a house to buy for a few months, but none yet have felt like "the one".

We need to apply for DS' primary school place in window September - mid-January so we really do have to get on with this, and really we're hoping to have a purchase in progress by the end of the month so that we've got some breathing space for a slow transaction.

So - it looks like I'm going to have to go into this purchase (whatever it turns out to be) with my head, not my heart, which I've not done before. DH is much more open to this fact than I am, but obviously this has to be a joint decision so I can't just expect to leave it to him!!

Anyone got experience of buying a house you don't love, and if so how long did it take for it to feel like home?

I've done both.

I bought a flat I loved, and I did really enjoy being in it, but then I met DH and because of work-logisitical reasons, had to give it up. Ended up selling it for exactly what I'd paid for it, having sunk £20k of my own money into it. Not great.

I've had a love-hate relationship with our current house for the last 15 years. It's never been the house I would have chosen. DH bought it with his XW, and then neither of us were in a position financially to sell it and move on, so we pretty much had to live in it. I don't like the style of house, it's crappily built, I wouldn't have chosen this area, etc. etc. - plus I felt 'done' out of us choosing a marital / family home together.

That said, we've lived in it for such a long time now and done so much to it, that it feels more like home than anywhere I've ever lived. I left from this house to get married, we brought our babies home here, all the 'first day at school' photos are outside this house.... in a weird way I'll be sorry to leave it.

We haven't totally settled in our current house.

So many plus points but our issue is the garden. We realise that we couldn't have afforded this many bedrooms, in this location AND a vast garden. I expressed my doubt and worry about it on MN before buying it - problem has NOT gone away.

We just seem not to be able to 'relax' properly in the house.

It's gotten to the point where I am worried that I may make the decision to move out of London for the wrong reasons. Coughing up a huge sum in stamp duty to stay in our area in a slightly different location probably WOULDN'T be worth it.

Oh I don't know.

OP I don't quite understand why you can't continue to rent though and wait for the right property?

I mean, rent in the catchment area where you want your DS to go to school.

LadyHarriet, partly because we can't find anything to rent either - really not much movement in our preferred area at all right now. Partly because DH balks at the price of the stuff which is up for rent. However, I have had a conversation with him about that being our last resort measure if we're no closer to a move by, say, end of May.

What exactly would you say on a leaflet drop? Would you just say that you were looking to buy a family home and leave them your phone number?

Re renting, the high rent may come down to how much would you pay to get into X school.

My own experience was that we bought a property (relocated) and downsized to get ds1 into an outstanding primary, which would then automatically get ds2 in although at the time we didn't have ds2.

It was a rushed purchase due to the relocation and in some ways it was a massive learning curve as to what it is like to hate a house

Looking back, I would have happily paid thousands just to get ds1 into that primary. So you could look at renting as a guarantee to get your child into the primary you want, then you can move at leisure into a house that may be right for you.

We ended up stuck in the awful house due to the property market, after it all crashed and burned we could then afford to move. We now live miles from that house, in a much bigger house than we could have afforded if we had stayed near the outstanding primary as that pushes house prices up.

We now live in the catchment of a primary rated as 2/3 on Ofsted, hence the cheapness of our current house and it is our forever home. Massive for us, with lots of cosmetic stuff to do but no huge rush to do it.

So basically I am saying rent, suck up the high rent, get an amazing school and move house at leisure.

Like Shakey we bought a house that was a money pit. On the first night there I lay in bed wondering whether we had done the right thing. We did the place up and it was lovely, but still a money pit. When we moved to where we live now, 8 years ago, I knew immediately that we had done the right thing.

We bought this house 8 years ago
I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it, but we could afford it comfortably and it is in a good area. I like it more now. It is where I brought my babies home to. We could easily fill a bigger house (we had no intention of having DC when we bought it and now have two) but not one around here that allowed me to work part time and spend time with the DC while they are small.

Fizzy, that's a really good way to look at it.... Thank you.

When we bought our second house, I hated it on the first viewing, and hated it more on evey subsequent viewing. But we had been looking for ages, had sold our previous house, and had, in fact, had to live apart temporarily (dh lodged with work colleagues, and I stayed with my mum). Dh persuaded me that we really had no option and that I had to lower my expectations.

Looking back, I can see he was right, and the house, in fact, did have lots of positives. We ended up spending four years there, and although I never liked the house, it was a nice road, with lots of children of similar ages to my own. The friends I made there when my dc were small (about 14 years ago now) are still very good friends today.

But, in all honesty, the only thing that got me through living in that house, was thinking about what our next house would be like. I told Dh on our first night there that we would definitely be moving one day - one day turned out to be four years later.

If you know that you are buying a house you don't love, you either have to accept that I think, or else have a get out plan.

If you don't find a house you love instantly in the time frame you are looking in, can you find a house that you like with potential?

We bought our first home last summer after 7yrs of being married and collecting 3.5 DC. We found an area we liked for schools, facilities, commutability etc and chose the house because it was a good price (reposession). I wouldn't say I loved it, but it was more convenient/practical/cheaper than similar properties in the same area. I still look on estate agents regularly as we are planning an extension (dependeant on DH getting redundancy lump sum!) and find it reassuring that for the quotes we have got from builders it would cost us more to move to a different house with what we want to add to this house, than to make this one do what we need.

We also bought in quite a hurry as DS1 started school in September, and we hadn't been looking for that long as DH Grandma left him enough for a deposit which we needed to put towards a house before we pissed it up various walls

I am glad to see so many fellas here not loving their houses :)
When I bought my current (and first) house, it was the only option that came up in the market which was suitable for us, and I put an offer during my first viewing. It was completely ?head? decision. Later I regretted it so deeply that I was seriously contemplating to sell it. Now I understand it was partially due to lots of repairs that came up and the house has become a money pit. Now 3 years on, I am actually OK with it, but will be looking to move to hopefully my perfect house in few years time before DC start secondary school.

I must just have been lucky in the past I think, in loving my purchases. I have got my head around it not being that way this time, at least a bit.

I didn't love our first house at first - DH did and I just wanted to have a house so we could start trying for a baby. It was a good deal and we bought it. I grew to love it more as we watched our children be born there and grow up there. It felt like home quite quickly (we are rapid-nesters!) and Iwas very fond of it and of the area. We did do a lot to the house, and I have really happy memories there, but I never wanted to stay for ever.

Our current house I fell head over heels for - I adore it and never ever ever want to leave - I even love coming back from holiday to it . We paid top price for it and I just don't care as I just knew I wanted to grow old in it.

I think you have to be practical about what is important to you within your budget and then just focus on the practica side and hope the memories and the happy times you will have in the house will do thes rest!

I loved my first flat - I miss it after moving out 10 years ago!

I always loved period features / old but am living in a modern property now and love it. It was the ugliest house you have ever seen when we bought it but was light and sunny, in a great location with lots of privacy. We have pretty much transformed it now and will stay here forever (hopefully).

I don't think you need the warm fuzzy feeling, but you should have a list of "must-haves" and "nice-to-haves" and "dealbreakers". My list has changed since having a family (e.g. "good primary schools" instead of "period features"). It can be really hard to see past the decor / furniture etc, and just appraise the space, light and location.

That said, don't be pressured into buying a house that you hate as you will just end up spending even more money moving in a few years.

Good luck!

We saw a house on Thursday evening which might be it - going back on Monday to see it again....

We were looking for ages and I think I kind of accepted the practical choice. Our house is plenty big enough for us, is closer to dh's work, five mins walk from a really nice school and ten mins from a farm we spend a lot of time at.

It's a modern house so not much character. Needs a lot of cosmetic work. Completely hemmed in by trees and a big house behind us so absolutely no view or privacy. I think I keep trying to decorate and improve bits to make myself love it but I just don't feel it. Keep telling myself it's practical and sensible and I can't face moving house again but in reality I keep dreaming about finding somewhere else.

Wish we'd taken more time looking.

We rented a less than ideal house (too small with half our stuff stuffed into the garage) within school catchment and house hunted at leisure (actually, it was stressful but less stressful than it would have been had we been in a chain!) It has been worth the 18mths in rental because we now live in a great location and a house (fingers crossed) that will be fabulous by the autumn (WIP). Not looking to move again until DC have left home now.

I like my house, but don't love it. It's not my dream home by a long shot.

However it ticked all the boxes on paper and was in our price range, which wasn't huge seeing as we were first time buyers.

I think about all the positives about the house whenever I find myself staring wistfully over the road at the lovely Victorian terraces and Georgian cottages.

It is much more energy efficient being a new build, it is in an excellent location. Everything is shiny new and in working order unlike the old cottages we used to rent.

It is ours not rented, which is a big positive for me.

I'm sure I will learn to love it soon enough.

We bought a house here in Australia about 10 months ago, and under duress, not wanting to get into another rental contract in an uncertain market for buying, yet having to leave our rented house.

DD and I had liked it right away, but DH didn't, though didn't grump unduly. We all really like it now; things which looked odd now appear just right. A weird courtyard front garden is a sunny and sheltered haven.

I'd been feeling very unhappy living in rentals for 5 years, fearing we'd missed the boat on buying in the lovely area we rented in. We hadn't, and are very happy about this - it would have been the deal breaker. I should add we're in our late 50s, so the feeling of rootlessness was extremely unsettling, especially as we had unequivocally adored our UK house from the day we set foot in it. It still took some time to feel like home; the first massive bills for stuff you'd handball to the EA usually settle this.:o

If you are not in school catchment already, your back up plan really is to move into rented within school catchment - not ideal but you will have one less stressful issue to live with and then you can take your time and wait for better houses to come on the Market. We deliberately did this although we relocated from hundreds of miles away. Good family rentals within a decent school catchment are few and far between - ime, even the shabby ones command a premium for the location alone. We literally had a choice of 2 and both were smaller/more expensive than was ideal. I do sympathise!

I don't like my house. My partner bought it with his ex.

Complicated story, but we ended up moving into it, after she moved out, it was all pretty amicable. I thought that by decorating it and making it my own that would be enough. But I never would have bought it, its just not for me.

So many things, would have been a huge NO for me on viewing.

Financially we are struggling, and rightly or wrongly, I really don't care if we have to move out and rent....

Thank you Myron, it helps to know that someone else has found themselves in a similar plan b situation and made it work....

I hate my house. Hate it. It was bought with head and not heart an I want to wail everytime I come back to it.

It's on the market an we're desperate to sell because it's a great big wedge between is. ( however if dh gets this job overseas we can let this go and start afresh and not worry about the selling price.

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT BUY A HOUSE YOU DON'T LIKE. I DID THAT BECAUSE I WAS GETTING EXTREME AND UNNECESSARY PRESSURE FROM A FRIEND TO BUY AND I REALLY HATE MY HOUSE. I SHOULD HAVE CHECKED INTO A HOTEL FOR A FEW DAYS AND CALMED DOWN AND MORE THAN LIKELY SOMETHING WOULD HAVE OPENED UP FOR ME. I WAS A FIRST-TIME HOME BUYER AND THE ENTIRE JOY OR WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN JOY, WAS RUINED FOR ME.

I bought a house with my DP, now DH, 7 years ago. Because of work it needed to be in a particular location. My only priority was good schools for my DC. Loving the house didn't come into it, it was what we could afford within catchment area that mattered. Unfortunately our budget was a complete shoebox a third smaller than the house I lived in alone with my 2 DC. One of the first things I said when I walked in the door was "what have I done?". Its so small its awful. I have tolerated it for 6 years & been trying to move on as soon as we saved up some money & DC were firmly in the schools I wanted. While I love the area, I can't wait to live in a much bigger house 3 miles down the road thats out of catchment area!

I suggest that If you can afford to rent indefinitely in your area then do that & buy on afterwards. Unfortunately this wasn't affordable for us, plus it was a rising market & we'd never of been able to buy if we hadn't bought then. Current market is falling, so you can take that risk.