Is anybody able to offer any advice about ‘consent of both parents’ in order to accept a private school?

[QuestLove]

I am in a high conflict divorce, and more recently solicitors are involved. My daughters father who is always opposed and defiant to my offers for our daughter, will not consent. Through family negotiations and mediation, his responses are the same. His approach is the same to eg: swimming lessons when it’s his turn, to not taking her to birthday parties because he prefers to take her to his football games. As I try to sort out a future for my daughter, his purpose is to fight me. I won’t go into the whys and how’s of our relationship etc, but there was domestic violence. I would like to focus on this issue of this school my daughter, where she would like to go to school.

I have applied for a Specific issue order, back in March. But as yet, there has been no response from the courts. The courts are jammed with a backlog, my ex is not chopping off my limbs and my school issue appears a simple lifestyle choice perhaps? So non urgent despite being marked urgent. The school has been patient and extended their deadlines for us, and in the most recent update, our file could be opened at the end of June! And even then, it may be a long time until a decision is made, and even in my favour.

Im worried that my girl will lose a place she has worked hard for, but also her father is full of rage at my efforts to excercise my rights, so there will be consequences for me too, and for the future of my daughter when I need his ‘consent’ and he uses his PR in this way.

Im aware that the next school intake is in 2 years time. By then she’d have established friends at the local school. Even if she expressed she wanted to go at 13 yrs old, he will still say no. If I wanted to work abroad for 2 months, take my daughter with me, or leave her behind with him, he’d say no, as he does.

Does anybody have any experiences that they can share that could help. Or is this the end of the road for us and this school?

Just call the school and explain.

Literally the point of being an 'independent' school is they are independent. They set their own admissions process and they can flex it if they choose. Like some of the posher schools that 'flex' their academic requirements for kids of celebrities or aristocracy.

If they make a fuss about 'needing' both parents' signatures you can threaten to go public. Poor mother, victim of domestic abuse, child has worked hard for a school place, un thought through policy further victimizing mother and child. Would make for a great article in the lefty press and terrible PR for the school.

I imagine you'll get yourself a one way ticket to an exemption from the head.

Good luck and glad you're free of your horrid ex. He sounds vile.

Is it that you need his consent so that he pays, or are you ok to pay and then cross that bridge if he then objects?
Reading another post it sounds like school policy, surely if you can show evidence of income they can waive the policy. He could be dead!

Hi, family lawyer here. Dealing specifically with the delay with the court, this is an issue that could be dealt with very quickly and easily via children arbitration. He would need to agree to the process (which of course he may not) but if he agrees that the issue needs resolving sooner rather than later, it may be worth asking? A children arbitrator can make a decision on the facts using the same law as the courts (ie child’s welfare is paramount) and the decision is binding and then converted quickly and easily into a court order…worth discussing with your solicitor if you haven’t already

Thank you all for your responses so far. Thought provoking. I like the comment about fees, guarantees, and the reminders that bursaries can reduce or come to an end - this is a risk I need to remember.

I will be managing the fees on my own and have undertaken their financial assessment. I can afford the £400/month they would like me to pay. I have not asked him and would not expect him to.

I have been in touch with the school all along so they are aware of my circumstances and challenges with the courts. They have had time to intervene, and have extended their deadlines, holding the door open for us. They haven’t offered to adjust their consent policy

The local school is a good school. My daughter who loved the private school more is now caught up in this and feels the conflict between myself and her father. She now feels that she’d be happy at either school.

The private school would mean that we would need to move 1hr 15 mins out of London. This change would allow us a more comfortable life and countryside as my daughter prefers. We cannot afford a decent home in London. I will facilitate contact and value him as a father to her and will help her to build and maintain their relationship. My ex doesn’t want this life for us, and wants to control how we live, this is part of our issue. I do not want more money, child maintenance etc, and I am not out to hurt him or ‘win’.

I was advised by lawyers to not travel to the courts as there is a central number etc and I’d have to follow the process and wait until June, when they open the file. That would be the loss for my daughter.

I travelled to both courts that have my applications and spoke to humans who showed empathy and understanding. I now have a court date for the NMO and SIO, for tomorrow Monday. If the decision by a judge is not in my favour, and I am wrong in my pursuit, I will accept that.

How did it go?