Are private prep schools in SW London (Teddington) vs commuter towns (Sevenoaks / Oxted) more pressured?

[Katerina085]

Hi all,

We are currently living abroad and thinking about where to move back to in the UK with two young boys. We are weighing up the usual commute versus lifestyle trade-off and have narrowed things down to Teddington, or a commuter town in Surrey or Kent, most likely Sevenoaks or Oxted.

We are leaning towards Teddington for various reasons, but one concern we have is what the private prep school environment is like there. We are keen to avoid a highly competitive or pressurised atmosphere. Ideally, we would like our children to attend a nurturing, relatively relaxed prep where they can enjoy their childhood and are not overly focused on exam results.

Is that realistic in the SW London private prep scene, or do schools (and/or parents) there tend to be very results-driven, creating a pressurised environment like I understand there is in some other parts of London? If it is likely to be very pressurised, would a prep in a town like Sevenoaks or Oxted feel materially different, or is the culture broadly similar?

As we are currently overseas, it is hard to get a clear sense of this and I would really appreciate hearing others’ experiences. I would also be grateful for any tips on how families avoid too much pressure on our kids if choosing a SW London prep.

Thanks in advance for any insights 🙏

I’m afraid I don’t know the difference, but I wondered which Teddington schools you’d heard of as being nurturing? As we are also considering that area! Radnor House..? Many thanks

@EdgarAllenRaven I’ve heard good things about Radnor House, Twickenham Prep and Newland House. I’ve not visited any of them yet though so am just going by what I’ve heard from others (and read about on Mumsnet!)

I highly recommend Parkside school which is in Surrey, near Cobham. It’s wonderfully nurturing and small so that every teacher knows your child really well. I’ve found it not to be competitive at all but they do continuous practice throughout the years so that when it comes to senior school exams they are ready. Have a look, it sounds exactly like what you are looking for.

I think you have to visit them all your self. What one person likes another one doesn’t.

A through school will be less pressure. In a prep school they only start ramping the work up at yr 5.

Oxted tiny centre but you have always the footballers at the prep school.

Teddington is lovely but a pain to get into London (train) depends how often you go into the city.

Guildford is on a fast line, Farnham is a nice town.

If they are tiny your boys no pressure in a prep school it’s the evil 11 plus that causes it in yr 6 age 11 🤣 as prep schools want destination lists and scholarships plus out come the tigger mums and tutor the kids 😂

There is different rankings of schools too you will know the academic schools (might not have a place) vs sports school vs we take anyone for cash.

Such a variety pick your area to live first as schools can merge / close down in less than a terms notice.

Good luck

@ras105 Thank you I’ve not heard of it before so will look into it.

@ishouldgotobednow Appreciate the detailed response 🙏. We’re definitely planning to visit but because we’re abroad we can’t for a while so trying to get the best sense of things I can before we do in order to narrow our search.

Your advice on choosing the area first given schools can change makes sense, maybe we are overthinking it on the schools front! One of my concerns though is that even if you take the specific schools out of it is that Teddington will generally have a very pressurised London environment where parents etc are very competitive, which is hard to insulate yourself from. The evil 11+ is what worries me! But not sure if that same pressure would still be there in a commuter town too?

On Oxted, why are there always footballers at the prep? I wasn’t aware it was a footballer area!

Would love any other feedback on this if anyone here has any experience of either area? 🙏

Kent schools are not pressurised - there are lots of great secondary options in the area and you don't need to put your child down at birth! However, be aware that many people head to Kent to try to get their children into the Grammar Schools for year 7 (age 11). Legally schools can't formally coach children to pass these tests, so most parents pay for external tutors. The independent schools are not pressurised at all and most are lovely, leafy environments where children enjoy their education and childhood. The only pressure is from parents desperate for their children to pass the 11+! I'm not sure if this is your reason for choosing Kent though! Do PM me.

We live in SW London. A few years ago I got sick of the “bubble” and the pressure. We thought about moving, and looked around various well heeled home counties commuter towns and spoke to people who live there.

Conclusion: it’s just as nuts as here. In some ways more so, as there is a much higher percentage of SAHMs who have more time to plough into their kids’ lives.

However, I think in both London and commuter towns, you can find schools that are less pressured. The pressure tends to come from the parents IMO more than the school. Steer clear of any school that is selective at 4 since it will inevitably attract the pushy parents (even if the school says it isn’t pushy).

A lot depends on what you want for senior school. If you would like your child to go to a highly selective senior school (eg Sevenoaks/Latymer Upper/Hampton), then the preps that have a history of sending lots of kids there are your best bet - but realistically they probably will feel quite pressured, especially at the older end, because they’re all prepping for 11+ and they’ll be full of parents with similar ambitions. If you’re expecting your child to go to a much less selective senior school then you can choose a more relaxed prep school.

Newland House and Radnor let anyone in but like people have mentioned it is where you want to go after those schools. Radnor is an all through school. The Mall School will take anyone, desperate for children. Most of the preps are crying out for children, there is no competition to get into prep schools. Even Hampton Prep is easy to get into and if you go through that route, it's now an automatic through school to 18. St Paul's, Kings, Latymer, probably more competitive, don't know anything about it apart from everyone is heavily tutored at 11+ to get into those schools. Good luck!

@SchoolsMum Thanks for the reply and great to hear on the Kent preps. Also makes sense that being in a grammar area causes a lot of pressure on the 11+, hasn’t previously considered that.

@minipie That’s really helpful, thanks so much for sharing. Makes sense re choosing a non selective prep and interesting on the % of SAHMs, hadn’t thought of that! Did you decide to stay or go in the end?

Also, when talking to people did you get any sense of the difference in teenage culture across the two locations in terms of drugs etc? One other thing that worries me about London is whether kids there grow up faster…but again, not sure if the reality is that commuter towns are exactly the same!

@Minuethippo Good to know there’s not much competition to get into preps these days. Makes sense after the VAT increase

We stayed! Different part of SW london to the one you’re looking at though.

Re teens and drugs & general tearaway behaviour - mine aren’t quite that age yet but I’m willing to bet it’s the same in London & commuter towns - there will be the “party crowd” who do and then the majority who don’t. It’s more about who your child chooses to make friends with rather than the particular location or school.

We are in the area you are looking in and kids went to private prep and private secondaries
It’s as pressurised as you want it to be . At prep school, the more alpha parents are eyeing up the prized schools such as Hampton but there are some very good, academically strong secondary schools that are not all about pushy parents. The preps have a good percentage of pushy parents but you can usually quickly work out who they are and dodge them (if you want to) and ultimately our prep did its job - it put my kids in to the right secondary school for them. If you allow yourself to get caught up in it all then it’s a tough slog . Go and see the preps, pick the one you get the nicest feel for and then worry about the secondary later.

For drinking and drugs I would say it depends on the child. Some like to party and some don’t. Some schools have more of a rep for partying than others too but in my experience with my teens, it’s nothing out of the ordinary teen behaviour so far

My DS and DD have been at Newland House since nursery, my DD all the way through to year 6 (she’s now in year 10 at a nearby academic co-ed independent), my DS until year 2 and now back in year 6 after three years in Dubai.

It really is a fantastic school, I can’t sing its praises enough! It’s not selective on entry so there is a mix of abilities, but they get the most out of every child. It’s not high pressure but ultimately the school wants to get each child into the senior school that’s right for them. You can see the breadth of leavers’ destinations for evidence of this.

The kids also get a really rounded education, where sport, drama, music and art play a substantial part of school life. The particularly talented ones go on to get scholarships at senior schools in all of those fields.

The Head is fantastic too - inspirational and popular amongst students and parents.

@minipie Good to know, hope you’re happy with your decision! I’m inclined to suspect you’re right on the teenage years…really not looking to parenting through that era 😅. Let’s hope our kids choose the right crowd!

@incognito119 Thanks that’s really helpful to know and great that you think it’s possible to dodge it. I think having the perspective and discipline to not get caught up in the madness will be the hard bit. Sounds like you’ve managed it well though!

@firsttrax Thank you for the feedback that’s really great to hear as that sounds exactly what we’re looking for. How did you find the 11+ experience with your DD?

She was applying for schools in Dubai, one non-selective and one highly selective (Dubai College). She got into DC thanks to the excellent preparation at Newland House (no tutoring other than me setting papers). Her three years at DC were then fantastic prep for entering year 10 at the academic school she got into back here in London.

We’re just going through the 11+ process with my DS and again, Newland House have been fantastic in the term that we’ve been back. However, my DS has come from a very good, but not 11+ focussed school in Dubai so his starting point, in terms of exam technique etc, at the beginning of year 6 was not as strong as his sister’s.

It just goes to show what a difference a proper prep education can make in years 3 onwards. However, all has gone well so far and we’re hopeful for some good offers to come out of the interviews 😊🤞

Yes just to add none of the prep schools in teddington or Surrey are full, they are all crying out for pupils. You could also consider Esher and somewhere like Claremont Fan that is an all through school so no need to leave. You need to think if you want an area where you can walk everywhere like Teddington or drive to school etc like Cobham etc. The Chelsea football training ground is in Cobham hence the number of footballers. Don’t focus on growing up etc, the most party focused mature dc I know went to Sevenoaks and grew up in rural settings, these schools have space for all types.

@firsttrax Thanks so much for the extra detail that’s really great to know. Glad it’s gone so well for you so far!

@tennissquare Good advice in the teenage front…teenagers will be party goers anywhere I guess if they are that way inclined! We are considering all through schools to remove the “pressure” element but I struggle a bit with the idea of a child being in the same place for so long and to decide where they’ll go when they’re so little…I feel it was probably healthy for me to switch schools after primary, but maybe I’m over thinking that. Will try to speak to some parents from all through schools to dig into that a bit more.

@Katerina085, I would say you are probably overthinking, there is LOADS of movement in the prep sector and in and out of secondary schools. I would focus more on housing costs/ transport links/ type of community you want - ie if you want to drive everywhere or walk. It will be harder to find the right home than prep school place.

I agree with @tennissquare .
Also worth noting that children in through schools are not prepped to the same extent for 11+ so if you decided to move your child for secondary, you may need to tutor as well.
I think you are trying to do too much second guessing of the future. All mine started at prep, 2 stayed and did 11+ and we moved one at the end of year 2 to an all through school. He actually outgrew the all through school by year 8 and we moved him again then.
I would trust in the 11+ process and put your children through prep. My 2 that did stay are happy and thriving in the right secondary schools for them / both very different personalities and very different secondary schools.

Caterham prep near oxted is lovely and the children all go through to the senior school without the 11+

Have you considered Reigate in Surrey? It’s a got a great high street and access to green spaces.

Oxted is a great place to live too.

In terms of prep schools, Oakhyrst Grange in Caterham is wonderful. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

There’s also Caterham School which has a fantastic reputation.

@tennissquare I do have a tendency to overthink 😝. You’re right that we need to decide the type of lifestyle we want and it’s hard to do from abroad! At the moment we’re in a small city and walk everywhere which I love, but I grew up in the countryside which I also loved and I kind of want that for my children. So am struggling to decide how to balance where I want to live for me versus where I want to live for them….

@incognito119 That’s interesting and makes sense re the movement between schools. I guess there’s maybe more flexibility then than we thought

@XDee56 We’vs not looked at it yet but will do!

@KangarooK8 We’ve not looked at that school before (haven’t heard of it) so will do! On Reigate, we’ve ruled it out so far because of the train links (not sure they’re quite good enough) but we’ve not actually visited yet so if we do and love it we might reconsider that.

Have you considered a school like Russell House? Fantastic lifestyle in Otford village in Sevenoaks district. Co-ed and age 2 to 11. They have a strong academic reputation but are a smaller prep school than some of the others in the region and their main focus is on the children’s individual potential, wellbeing and nurturing. The school is right opposite Otford station which now has great London train links.

Not sure what train links you need but people in Reigate (or surrounding villages) drive to the station at Redhill or Merstham for the mainline to London. Or live on the Redhill side of Reigate. Very few use Reigate station.

Having said that, all the prep school nearby are either part of the RGS group (RSM, or Micklefield) or the Caterham group (Hawthorns) and are therefore feeder schools there are pros and cons to that approach - the pressure may be lower but applies earlier (in year 4) as offers to the secondary schools are made in year 5.

Oxted only has one prep, and no private secondary. I think Hazelwoods is still independent from the education groups. It is quite a different type of place to Reigate or Sevenoaks which have a lot more going on, both from an education and non-education perspective.