Girls school recommendations in South for move back to UK

[NomadicNest]

Hi! I'm not completely sure if this is the right place to post or whether I should be in the housing category but hopefully this is ok.

We are facing a move back to the UK related to my husband's job after living overseas for all of our adult lives. I have some trauma related to living in the UK (which I am hoping to work through as much as possible) that is making me feel very apprehensive about the move back there, with our 2 daughters aged 9 and 8. We are moving from a place that I love, where we feel very settled, which is traditional, very safe, clean, convenient (a short walk to school, lots of amenities), has great weather and a very strong community around the school. I'm trying to find the best option I can for us in the UK, but I'm looking for advice because although British, the UK feels alien having never lived there as an adult.

My husband would need to be in London one day a week but the other days he could work from a regional office in Bristol, Tunbridge Wells, Gloucester, Bournemouth, Reading, Ipswich, Haverhill, Leicester (or even Manchester, Leeds or Newcastle) and even a day or two from home possibly.

I'm looking for a private school, with slight preference for girls only, which is academic and nurturing. We would love one where they could start now in prep school and continue in the same place. I'm not sure whether to consider Grammar Schools because one of our daughters has ADHD which can affect her performance and I would like both girls to go to the same school, so for now we are looking at private. I'd like a school with a high percentage of day pupils because I work from home and loneliness is a real concern for me, so I want to be sure that I can build community through the school with other parents living locally. We'd love to be able to find a house 250m sq plus with a decent sized garden close to the school but with access to a good high street with a budget of 1-1.5 (I'd like to renovate if at the lower end of budget). A great reformer pilates studio is a must for me (mental health) and a gym is a plus. Greenery locally and countryside for walks within a drive are a must. Safety and a sense of traditional community are really important to us.

We have been looking at Tunbridge Wells but not sure of good private school options for girls there, Benenden, Burgess Hill Girls, Cheltenham Ladies, Bath and Bristol, Roedean and Brighton College (possibly too intense). I liked the feel of Benenden from the website but wasn't sure if it would work with 90% of pupils being boarders. We aren't considering London.

We have to make this decision very quickly for work reasons and I'm trying to set myself up for success and a create a positive mindset around this potential move as much as possible for the sake of my family as well as myself. It would be great to be able to find a place and school to get excited about, rather than feeling fearful. Thank you so much for any advice on areas and schools, any suggestions much appreciated.

What about Poole and Bournemouth. Good towns with lots going on although you will have to chose your area a bit carefully. Talbot Heath is a through school which I think is girls only. And you have the option of the grammars if that suits them better at the time. 1.5h from London Waterloo by train and lots do the commute. No idea about reformer Pilates though but I’d be amazed if it wasn’t somewhere.

Woldingham girls school, in Surrey but close to the Kent border.

shere / godalming for the Guildford schools

Cranbrook and surrounding villages including Benenden, Sissinghurst and goudhurst . Good State and private options. Cranbrook school is free from 11. Dulwich prep now goes up to 16 I think. Benenden as a day option . Your budget would work there. Nice community

Maybe have a look at the GDST as a starter. I’d recommend Bedford Girls school but that doesn’t hit your list with a nice High Street. 1.5 would buy you a stunning house by the river though.

Hello! Have you considered St Mary’s Calne? Impressive academic results with a beautiful campus. x

I was coming on to suggest this - no risk of these schools going co-ed. There are quite a lot of them - one in Bath one in Bristol and one in Oxford which seem the most likely for you.

My first thought was Cheltenham. I think it would have everything you need. Also try to not to get hung up about separate schools and one passing for grammar and one not (I mean what are you going to do if the second one doesn't - pull the first one out? That would be ridiculous) speaking as someone who didn't pass for grammar but whose elder sister did, it was a non-issue, because my parents made it a non-issue.

St Swithuns, Winchester.

All through girls private school, 1 hour to London for DH, safe, traditional, quiet, well heeled and surrounded by countryside for you.

Thank you so much everyone for all of your thoughtful, informative and helpful responses. It looks as though now the only viable options for my husband to work out of are going to be Tunbridge Wells and Bristol, with the one day a week in London still. With that in mind we were thinking that we should focus on Bath and surrounds, Bristol, Tunbridge Wells and possibly Sussex (we have family there). Any thoughts or recommendations on schools and areas around these locations or opinions on the city greatly appreciated. My husband is also keen to avoid any plane noise whatsoever from Gatwick! Thank you again x

You might struggle with the no plane noise in TW and surrounding villages, we are literally under the point where planes turn and join the final run in to gatwick. However I’ve been here a decade, moving from Putney and its a heck of a lot less intrusive than there! Planes are part and parcel of living in the south east, you really don’t notice them after a while! You’re spoilt for choice with pretty villages though and TW itself is a nice town… bit like Cheltenham but smaller. I think you said you are looking at all girls schools? If so then you've got Walthamstow Hall in Sevenoaks or Mayfield (senior school only and I’ve heard great things, minbuses serve a wide area) just south of TW in East Sussex. Look at Frant, Wadhurst to live maybe. Kent College just announced their senior school will be coed from 2026, same as their prep. But I expect it will be mainly girls for a few years to come. Thats it I believe for all girls. If you’re ok with mixed then you also have Beechwood or start at a prep like The Mead, Homewood House or Rosehill and move. You do have the grammar school system here too and all the grammars are single sex until 6th form (except TW girls grammar which remains all girls). Be prepared to tutor for the Kent Test (11+), it’s competitive, even more so with fewer able to afford going private after VAT addition. As to house budget, it won’t go as far as you think, the south east is a pricey place to live unfortunately but we benefit from great connections and proximity to London .

Thanks @Sanenotsane this is very helpful. For TW do you need to live in a specific area or proximity to TW to be in the catchment for the schools? Sounds an obvious question but this is all new to us. Would Wadhurst mean we could get into the right prep schools for example or be in the catchment for the girls grammar? Im flexible on all girls vs coed, we were considering all girls as its supposed to be better re results...

@Greengreengrass70 What is Guildford like? I've never been there so would love to hear more.

Private schools don’t have catchments. But bear in mind traffic can be awful around TW so best not to live too far. My own DD gets a school minibus 11miles that takes 40mins door to door while my DS can take the same amount of time to travel just 2 miles on public bus to school! State schools do have catchments. Primary schools you tend to need to be pretty close to get in, secondary state schools have larger catchments, but you can check online at Kent County Council to check distances. Having said that, grammar schools operate slightly differently so you'll need to do your research on them. They are either super selective (they cream off the highest scorers regardless of distance) or you “just” need to pass and then live close enough. But I stand corrected on the finer details of this, you can find this out on the school websites.

@dicentra365 I think you're right re Grammars. My husband thought that Cheltenham would be too far from London for the one day he needs to go there but I did like the sound of it.

@HeyThereDelila I had a look at the school website and I do like the look of it. I have seen some posts on Mumsnet saying that Winchester is disappointing and that there isn't much to do there. It doesn't sound like that has been your experience?

@WhitegreeNcandle @Londonmummy66 Thank you, my husband seems keen on the GDSP schools, do you have personal experience of them at all and would you recommend?

@reluctantlogin I was really keen on this area and really love the look of Benenden but I was put off by it being 90 percent boarding, because I selfishly need there to be some community around the school hopefully for me to meet people! Hopefully my children are still young enough to meet people via playdates as they are 7 and 9, but in a school with 90% boarders I feel like that would be impossible!

I'm an alumna myself and DDs both went to a London one. They are great if you want to be sure the school will stay single sex and they have policies set nationally so heads don't have to spend so much time on that sort of thing. Most are pretty well straight through - as in you'll get the nod in year 4 or 5 if they don't think you'll get a place at the senior school - although all girls still have to sit the exam. We were told in year 5 that places were guaranteed. Nothing in Kent - just Brighton High in Sussex. Redmaids in Bristol has just joined the Trust so may still have some assimilation to do but Royal in Bath has been GDST for ever (Mary Berry went there!). Not that many are academically top drawer but most offer a decent and nuturing education and bright girls should do well.

I honestly think looking at co-ed is a better option and will offer you more choice.
Fitting more to your spec, Queen Mary's Topcliffe, which is north of York could be a good option. Leeds office accessible daily, Thirsk & Northallerton for you. Mainline train into London from Northallerton or York..... Happy to make more suggestions if you want more local knowledge.

I think you ought to think about where you personally would prefer to live. Your kids will adjust to anywhere.

if it was me I would choose bristol but I grew up nearby and have great fondness for it and lots of lovely memories and personal connections, and family and old friends.

We moved to Sussex (from a different location) and I didn’t know a soul. don’t underestimate how much help it is to have some initial connections and friends in a new place.

Think about what kind of vibe you like in a place. It’s hard to tell from your posts!

I'd suggest exploring Cheltenham further, I know a lot of people who commute from there to London several days a week.

Thank you @Londonmummy66 Interesting that you say that they are not academically top tier? Were coming from am country where is isn't much choice school wise, so our kids go to what is acknowledged to be the 'best' school, so the whole UK school hothousing academic thing is a bit unknown to us and Im not sure whether to try to go for one of the most academic ones or not. My husband had noticed that they were a little bit more 'affordable' than the average private school, so that was also appealing.

I don’t actually live in Guildford but one of the quieter market towns further south. There seems to be plenty going on but sure others on here can tell you more

@TMMC1 Thank you, I love that area actually but my husband thinks its too far in case he needs to go to London more frequently for some reason...