For those who switched from state to private school, why?

[pimlicopubber]

We live in London and our son has just started at an outstanding-rated state primary. We never thought about private before. Both DH and I grew up abroad with very modest backgrounds, went to good unis and built solid careers, so we always assumed our kids would be fine in state.

But so far I’m a bit disappointed. 30 kids crammed into a small classroom, hardly any outdoor time, TV every day, and we didn’t get into any of the first clubs we applied for. It’s only the second week, but I already find myself googling private options.

We could just about afford it, but it would mean moving out of our (expensive) area to somewhere with more affordable housing.

For those who’ve had experience of both – is private primary really worth it compared to an outstanding state? People recommended staying and tutoring in the future, but the school already finishes late, I can't see having my children sit down with a tutor after a full day at school?

Hi
It's early days.
Give it a few weeks ....
How do you know they've had TV everyday ....even if they have it could be a 5 minute movement time or a song about numbers for example.
Is your child happy to go in ?
Talk to the class teacher ...they will want to know your worries .

State primary- private secondary. Reason : feral kids

We live outside London (in commuter belt) and my DC went to the village primary school. It worked well for DC1 and DC2, then DC3 was unlucky and was in a disruptive class with lots of tricky kids. We moved him out in year 3 for the last few years of primary school, then he went back into the state system and is now getting on well at state secondary school. It worked well in our specific situation (getting him away from some horrible kids) and he had a good time at the private school, but tbh it wasn't that much better than the state school experience my other two DC had for free! Think carefully about moving him because it can be hard to go back in the opposite direction (it was ok for my DC because he had a sibling place at a state secondary).

Can you look at other state schools? Any chance of moving out of London, or is that not an option for you? The problems you've described don't apply to all state schools. A school outside London is more likely to have more space (outside and in) and clubs that are available to anyone who wants to go.

We moved from state to private because our DSs’ needs couldn’t be met at the state school we were in. Our situation was very unusual though. We were lucky to find a private school that was perfect for both boys. Not all state schools and not all private schools are the same though and private really doesn’t guarantee better.

State primary to private prep for the last two years. Wish we’d made the move sooner. We’re only a week in but the differences have been stark. Behaviour was the primary driver.

OP you really can’t afford private if you have to uproot your whole life and move to a less expensive area to be able to send your DC to private school. It takes quite a while for both parent and child to get used to school but with time you will find your rhythm.

We did state and moved for year 9 and have absolutely no regrets. They are flourishing at their private school as a result of the extra curricular - in terms of academics we know what gcse flight path they were on at their state school (predicted 7s and above) so unless they get all 9s there will no obvious difference. So far I would say that mixing state and private has worked really well and I have no regrets but I will also caution that not all private schools are equal so choose carefully.

If I had to sacrifice what you are needing to do to put my DC through 14 years of private education I’m not sure how happy I’d be with my everyday life. Private is expensive and as everyone on here will tell you it’s not just paying the fees which increase year on year but also all of the hidden costs such as going to the tuck shop and putting on their account for a milkshake for £3, socials etc. it all adds up.

So my advice is give the state school time to bed in as you may be surprised.

I moved one of my children from (great) state to private at the start of Year 4. Reason: the state school couldn’t keep up with his academics (actually said they couldn’t give more stretching work because then they’d have nothing left for him when he reached Year 6), and he was lonely (started school in Covid and never made any friends, which just got harder as he got older).

The prep I moved him to has been great. It is a happier, livelier, more stretching school, but to be honest I think it was as much about a new social start for my son. He has friends and is no longer the brightest kid by miles, and that has done wonders for his confidence and self esteem. A fresh start at a new state primary may well have achieved the same outcome though.

Many reasons for us, and different ones depending on the child.
DC1 was completely un stretched in state primary. There was also very much a culture that academic success wasn’t celebrated, yet sporting achievements were. One teacher even suggested that she tried to ‘play down’ her academic ability so that she didn’t get ‘picked on’.
Behaviour in DC2’s class at state primary was appalling. Barely any learning was happening because a certain group of kids were dominating every lesson with their messing around/answering back/rudeness/unwillingness to learn. School appeared to have no ability to control behaviour.
Third DC has SEN and his needs could not be met in our local primary.

I wouldn’t be making any big decisions after a couple of weeks, however. There’s always an adjustment period at any school.

We're thinking about it now. Because my ds who is now in yr4 is not having his needs met and it feels like we can't afford for him to lose another year of education and fall further behind. It would be a huge issue financially though.

When you say move out, do you mean sell up or rent elsewhere?

For a totally different reason than you. DS was failing. Couldn’t read or write at 7, didn’t engage in numeracy or literacy hour, came alive during topic. We moved him to a school that didn’t follow the national curriculum, which helped him hugely. He’s fine now.

We did the opposite. Private school came recommended as nurturing, we'd been living abroad and missed the deadline for applications to primary school.

By Yr3 we'd had enough. The school grounds were like the playing fields of England. The classrooms were dark and tiny. Sport was overly important. We switched to a tiny local school where the kids were way ahead on maths. It was a great relief

We moved DD from an "outstanding" state to private half way through Y3. She wasn't at all challenged or stretched in school (the teacher said it was more important to focus on those who were struggling - which is great, but DD was bored all day). PE was non-existent (eg, 20 mins of walking around a playground with a beanbag on your head, once a week), no music or singing or drama. Her class increased from 21 to 34 over the course of a year - the kids were just crammed in and it was chaos (I used to go in once a week to read to them and they were rammed in like sardines). There was no sense of order or discipline.

In private, there's a full and varied curriculum, 2 hours of PE/Games a week (seasonal team sports), and music, drama, singing. DD was challenged and motivated all day long.

Financially it is a stretch - we live modestly in order to make it work. For us, it's completely worth it.

Talk to the class teacher ...they will want to know your worries.

This is unlikely!

The point here I guess is that not all schools (state or independent) are created equally. Some people will be lucky enough to live somewhere that their local state school is a better option than their local independents. Sadly this wasn’t the case for us.

We had an outstanding primary 100 yards away
I sent mine to private
We had enough money that it didn't affect our lifestyle (but we have a lifestyle that is below what you would expect for our net worth and earnings - esp compared to other parents in private ed!)

I went private for 2 main reasons:

At that time, there was poor provision of pre school and after school care in state schools and I would have had to use a childminder. In private, the before and after school care was easy and guaranteed to be available.

I wasn't sure of my DC abilities and personalities and didn't want to think of them struggling to understand in a large class. They had classes of 8-15

We did state primary - 32 in a class, mixed sex. Dd was quiet and polite which seemed to be a rarity and meant she was called sensitive whenever kids shouted, pushed, turned tables, screamed in her face, bullied her for being dyslexic. It was a village school so we hadn't expected it but I wasn't going to have the school tell her that it was her problem when it wasn't. She's had a better time than she might have done in a city school, I suppose, but it was clear to both of us she was struggling to focus with the noise and constant low level aggression from the boys. She wanted to go to an all girls school and also loves STEM, so we decided to go private as our county doesn't have state all girls schools that aren't grammars (although they do have boys schools, which is no surprise!). She loves it, it's calm. To be honest now I know single sex state schools that aren't selective are a normal thing in some parts of the country I am pretty angry - this should be available nationwide. I didn't want to spend all of my inheritance to avoid boys with poor socialisation skills just to enable dd to do STEM subjects.

Your experience is very similar to ours.

Yes indeed, although the school that wasn't a good fit for us is highly regarded. It very much follows the posh public school method which definitely favours sporty types. They now have a new head and it's probably a bit different. I'd still hesitate to send an academic child there though.

We are lucky enough to live in a town with some excellent private and state options. At secondary level, DS secured a place at a highly regarded private school and his state secondary of choice. He chose to stay in the state system

Yes I should have clarified that I don’t just mean better on paper, but also a better fit for the child.
Our local state primary is Ofsted Outstanding. In practical terms I’d far rather have sent DD1 there and saved my money, but it wasn’t a good fit for her at all and she was miserable. The independent she now goes to is small and nurturing, and suits her down to the ground. We wouldn’t have sent her private just for the sake of it being private, it was entirely down to what was the best school for her.

I have a boy who is intimidated by boys with bad behaviour too. Why can’t school act on it!?! It’s so frustrating. Sadly we can’t go to a girls school 😂

It is definitely all about what suits your child. Sometimes it's surprising what does. I was actually gobsmacked that mine enjoyed having more kids to bounce off and had more friends within weeks of joining the local school.

Wraparound childcare basically, my ex-husband moved away for work. I was going to be a sole parent and it was getting more and more obvious that that was going to be Literally not just Monday to Friday.

So I needed more support from the school.

I truly believe that my 21-year-old would not be at university now has she not had that little mouth full of private education. She was only there for three years.
My older two, I don’t think Got as much out of it and if I’m honest, I do regret them going beyond infant school.
I loved the fact that for reception and year one they’re treated with kindness and respect which I did not experience at the local Village school.
Children will literally prised out of the arms of their parents when they were crying and not ready to be left.
There was none of that private school and you may say that it was pandering to the parents but do you know what I needed? Pandering to. I was going through a rough stage so with the kids we did not need to be made to feel like shit via our reception teacher for the fact that we needed a bit more support and that was inconvenient for them.
So on that basis alone it was worth the 15 grand or whatever it was

Will you jest, but maybe you can?

There are boys that identifiers girls attending local Girls School I think he could slip under the radar if he just identifies as not being a toxic male twat

Sadly illegal and the school won't be able to do that for long thanks to the Supreme Court.

I do laugh when the gov says it is going to protect women and girls from abuse yet don't even start that in schools. Where do they think they start practising this behaviour? We keep being told the gov is working on the abuse of our kids but there's not been any clear evidence of that from where I'm sitting. Over 6 options of all boys non-selective in my county, not a single one for girls. How does that make any sense?