Think we're moving DS to private but now I'm freaking out

[Pinkishponyclub]

I'm really just looking for some reassuring words from someone! I was keen on this move to private, but now it's become a reality I'm just freaking out about it.

DS is currently in Y1. We've felt from the start that one particular private school would suit him so well. No matter where else I look I'm always drawn back to this one. It's a great school, it's round the corner from us, and there are a lot of local kids. And the thing is, it's not necessarily even the best in the area at sport or the best academically (although it's still good) - it just feels like exactly the sort of environment he'll thrive and grow in confidence. The class will be 15 kids (him included), and we took him a few days ago to have a tour, meet the class and meet the teacher. He had 10 mins sitting on the carpet listening to a story, and he was already putting his hand up to answer questions. It was so nice to see. Afterwards, he told us he loved it. He said he'd love to be in a class that size and whilst he'd miss his current friends, he's happy he'd make new ones.

So basically, I don't think I could have wanted a better response from him. But now I'm freaking out about it all. It's affordable, I've factored in 10% fee increases, I've budgeted for family holidays and costs at school (like uniform, lunches and trips). I'm confident in my calculations, and I'm satisfied we won't be compromising on family life. But, I still worry that we're paying for something when there's an alternative free option. He's at a village school right now and is doing just fine, but I feel like if we can afford it, why not try and make sure he loves his education? The better wrap around care would also make life easier for us.

Are we wasting our money? Is it pointless at primary stage? I'm so in head in my now and I just don't know what the right answer is

Why would you show him the school, hear him love it and then think about saying just joking?

What are the plans for secondary? If most of the private school kids will head to the same upper school or to other private schools but you will be relying on him passing 11+ to a state grammar then it may not be the best thing to do. If it's not that pushy academically then they won't help on 11+prep,it will all be down to you. Also what if he doesn't get a Grammar place. Would going from private primary to a comprehensive be something you would be comfortable with. If you intend him to stay at the same school right through to 16 or 18 will the class sizes end up too suffocating. Just things to connsider.

@DorothyStorm how is that remotely helpful? I just said I'm freaking out about it, which I reckon is probably a fairly normal response to a long-term financial commitment. That doesn't mean I don't want to do it, just that I need to process a bit

@AmberFatball thanks for your response. They help quite a bit on the 11+ prep, doing various support sessions for it from y3 onwards. Kids tend to either stay on or move to the grammar. We'd hope for the grammar, but if that wasn't a good fit (or of course he didn't get in), he'd either stay on or move to one of our state secondary schools that is very well regarded (at least, it is for now!). I'm quite comfortable with those options though

Is he an only child?
When we projected for each child from reception to 18 you should budget 500k. (To take account of vat, year on year increases and costs of clubs uniform etc). budget 500 per yr for uniform (conservative) and 300 per term for wraparound care and clubs.
It sounds like you're invested so go for it. You can always change at 11, or any other time if it doesn't work for the child. Be aware it's not always the better option. There's too many variables.

Go with your gut. I choose child’s happiness and engagement over anything else - we are in private primary and I don’t expect them to move faster than state or even outperform in exams once they get there, but I do expect them to make education engaging and fun, and to explore side shoots in science or history or music or art in a hands on way from the start and to nurture individual talents and interests. School should be something they enjoy, not something to endure.

@Labraradabrador cannot express enough how much I needed to read that. Thank you

Both mine went to the local village primary and then private for secondary education. They have had a wonderful education but won’t really appreciate how lucky they are until the reflect back in years to come. Do what’s right for you, however as mine first went to a local school they have a much wider group of friends than afforded to them by a small private school, as do I! If you can afford it then go for it, but if it could be a push then invest in secondary education as a good primary will still offer a great education.

It’s a no brainer. Mainstream schools are going to the dogs. If you can afford private go private. (I say this as someone who has not used private schools).

Hi!
We sent our dd to private school from age 3 to age 18.
I literally don’t have the words to express how amazing it was for her, but I’ll try.
TIny class sizes in primary meant she was absolutely nurtured in every way.
Slightly larger class sizes in secondary (also a different school) but they instilled in her such incredible confidence and self belief.
We faced a lot of criticism initially for choosing private, but I am immeasurably grateful we went ahead.
Better education, majority of parents interested and invested in their children’s education, amazing facilities, incredible opportunities.
My lovely dd had the confidence to do a gap year in Asia by herself at 18, and is now thriving at university, it was the best decision we could have made for her.

Go for it, I honestly think in a year's time you will regard this as a great decision and money well spent. It will bring your whole family pleasure. If you can afford it why on earth wouldn't you?

I just wanted to second @Labraradabrador ‘s sentiments. We chose the private route for exactly these reasons. Trust your gut and aim to nurture a love of learning and you won’t go wrong.

Mine is at a private prep and has had such a lovely school experience so for us it has been well worth it.
he moves to secondary next year (private again) and whilst the cost does make me feel nervous I know it’s the right thing for him and one of the best gifts we’ll ever give him.

the state options for us are dire too so that makes the decision somewhat easier

It all comes down to affordability, OP.

We've got three DC. We did the maths on private and it would have been really tight. Recklesslessly tight, in hindsight.

They are now approaching the end of their state education and have done fine. They are all on track to progress to top unis, if that's what they choose, and would certainly have the confidence to head off on a gap year alone (something a PP mentioned). And this is from a fairly middle of the road comp. Making this choice for them means that we will be able to support them through uni and also, crucially, give them substantial help with housing deposits.

Am I glad with the choice we made, given our circumstances? Absolutely, yes.

Would I have chosen private for them, if we had have been able to afford it comfortably and without compromising our own security and our ability to help them as young adults? Hell, yes.

I can’t think of a better thing to spend your money on than making his childhood as enriched as possible. Education should be an adventure not something you endure.

Personally I think private prep / primary is not as good as an investment as secondary. Can you afford to keep them in private right up to 18? If not I’d prioritise secondary over primary any day - especially in your situation where he’s doing fine as he is

I’ve never regretted the money I spent on privately educating my two children. I’d be a lot richer now for sure - but they were happy in that environment. They still both have great friends from school (they’re now 27 and 24).

Of course we’ll never know what the story would have been with the state system, but it doesn’t matter now.

Your choice, but if he's happy and thriving where he is it's an expensive gamble.

It went really well for us too. I think main benefits were confidence and a really supportive atmosphere that allowed individuals to flourish. For us it was definitely the right choice. Obviously children can do well and be happy in all types of school but if you can afford an independent that suits your particular child then I wouldn’t hesitate

If primary is good and no issues where he us then I would say its better to save funds now and go private when he reaches secondary age. Most kids seem to do OK at state primary but IMO its secondary level where the state lets them down generally the behaviour and discipline are far better at private secondaries as the majority of parents are supportive of their children so you don't tend to get the bad behaviour that a lot of state secondaries have to put up with

I think that is a really subjective response. Unfortunately a lot are and a lot aren’t. Our local is better than the three privates in our area. Yeah the classes are bigger (obviously) but the privates are full of kids who have been paid for by the council because the locals can’t cope because of their needs or for parents who feel the same.

Locals have great sports where the privates are too small to have teams for example. Senior school becomes an issue if grammars aren’t available or they don’t get in. School results are comparable - our local senior does better than the privates. Loads of school trips and after school clubs. I do hear what you are saying that some schools aren’t great but some really are (and yes I know we are really lucky).

I have been to both and we can afford it but I would never send my kids. Give them great adventures and holidays. Don’t waste the money if you don’t have to.

If you don’t think you can afford it long term then don’t go for it. If he’s doing fine at village school and thriving- keep him there. I thought moving school when I was young would be fun and it actually obliterated my life and friendships. I would be keeping him where he is. He will get over the nice school.

in future don’t take him new schools unless you are 100% on board with him going there.

bear in mind if you ever have another child you would likely feel like you had to put them in private education too.

I'll third @Labraradabrador , I've just moved DS Year 4 from a really good state primary to an amazing private primary, and he is absolutely thriving in a way I could never have imagined. It's because it is the right fit for him...he is no longer the kid that is a bit different, he's still his lovely quirky self, but he's surrounded by more kids like him, and that gives him confidence and that makes us both happy.

The ability of the school to go off-piste sometimes and follow/develop kids' interests (rather than having to slavishly follow Gove's idea of what's important for kids to learn) pays huge dividends. Not all private schools are great just as not all state schools are crap, it's all about the best fit for your child, and if you've found that, in either sector, you've got it right and are doing the best for them that you possibly can.

As usual the first reply has it.

You’re locked in now, you’ve shown him the school. You can wobble all you like, but for his sake you now need to follow through.

Next time wobble before bringing your ds into it.

When I was in reception my mum took me round to a few schools to pick which one I wanted. I’m sure they were all nice the time I settled in primary I’d forgotten all the others.

this is a 5/6 year old, not a 10 year old. He will have forgotten in a few months.