Think we're moving DS to private but now I'm freaking out

[Pinkishponyclub]

I'm really just looking for some reassuring words from someone! I was keen on this move to private, but now it's become a reality I'm just freaking out about it.

DS is currently in Y1. We've felt from the start that one particular private school would suit him so well. No matter where else I look I'm always drawn back to this one. It's a great school, it's round the corner from us, and there are a lot of local kids. And the thing is, it's not necessarily even the best in the area at sport or the best academically (although it's still good) - it just feels like exactly the sort of environment he'll thrive and grow in confidence. The class will be 15 kids (him included), and we took him a few days ago to have a tour, meet the class and meet the teacher. He had 10 mins sitting on the carpet listening to a story, and he was already putting his hand up to answer questions. It was so nice to see. Afterwards, he told us he loved it. He said he'd love to be in a class that size and whilst he'd miss his current friends, he's happy he'd make new ones.

So basically, I don't think I could have wanted a better response from him. But now I'm freaking out about it all. It's affordable, I've factored in 10% fee increases, I've budgeted for family holidays and costs at school (like uniform, lunches and trips). I'm confident in my calculations, and I'm satisfied we won't be compromising on family life. But, I still worry that we're paying for something when there's an alternative free option. He's at a village school right now and is doing just fine, but I feel like if we can afford it, why not try and make sure he loves his education? The better wrap around care would also make life easier for us.

Are we wasting our money? Is it pointless at primary stage? I'm so in head in my now and I just don't know what the right answer is

What stupid mis-paraphrasing. OP was not being flippant about this, she is worried. I honestly don't know why you wasted your own time posting this.

We are really happy with DD's prep. We started from Reception so she's never attended a state school but we visited plenty and it was clear to me she would never thrive in the larger sizes and the less creative curriculum and teaching approach. As a parent I would have been less happy with the stricter approach and lack of communication.

It sounds like you can afford it comfortably and are having doubts because you think it might not be worth the cost. For us, we made the decision that our dcs would be happiest at the prep and didn't get caught up in trying to calculate a cost benefit. They might well have been happy in a state primary but we can never know, and all we can know is that they are happy where they are, and for us that means the decision was the right one.

My DD, now 26 thanked me recently for sending her to private schools. She and I have no way of knowing how things would have been at different schools but for her to say that she is happy and loved her schools and does not believe that she would have achieved so much elsewhere- well, it made it worthwhile. She is happy, fulfilled and successful. Her schooling was a key part of this- aspiration, academic excellence, good friends. Worth every penny.

I hate it when people try to reduce the decision to cost benefit analysis. How do you quantify the benefits of an excellent education? It certainly isn’t all about exam grades, as exam grades arent a particularly useful indicator for anything other than where you go to uni, which isn’t the be all end all predictor of lifelong success that we might want it to be.

my dc might or might not go to uni (they are 7yo), but the right mindset in a trade would be just as rewarding (financially and vocationally) as a decent uni track. The key is the mindset, not the specific area of expertise.

If you can afford, go for it. We have tried both a "good" state school and a nurturing private school near us - the child has transitioned from a shy, left-out one, into a confident, allrounder with loads of friends. The school is an exclusive school but values "learning" (academically or any other fields). Also, all the families value education highly - this matters more than the class size.

Sounds like you have planned well and can afford it without compromising family life.

My only caveat would be if you got pregnant. Are you really sure you don’t want another child? And if not, what would the numbers look like if you had 2 at private?

My above comments refer to primary school stage. For secondary, the child has cleared exams for grammar schools and some high-selective independent schools.

Agree with all of this as someone who’s dc are out the other side and young adult age they haven’t out performed peers but they did have a fantastic all round happy education and school
life with masses of opportunities to do all manner of things that they wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise. We had no aspiration other than for them to have an environment which was the best for them and we were very lucky to be able to have that choice and we took it.

I’ve just moved my two DC from a state to private primary school. The difference is remarkable. They are happier, more engaged and are being given so many more opportunities. They both settled very quickly.

However they will be going to state secondary as we can’t afford the increase in fees. I’m hoping these foundation years set them up well and am keeping everything crossed they get in to an outstanding local secondary school when the time comes.

It’s a hard decision but if you can afford it I think it’s worth it.

I felt the same and sent my DS to a highly rated state primary for two years but it became clear that it wasn’t working so he moved to private. I was not as convinced about that particular new school as you are, but even so it was an improvement for him. Expensive, but the right thing to do for him.

We've moved DD2 from state to private at year 5. The difference is remarkable. She's got a proper timetable with specialist teachers. Her timetable isn't English and Maths to death with a smattering of other stuff. The teachers have time to plan and work with her on some bespoke bits of learning. She won't have a horrible year 6 with the relentless focus on SATs that DD1 had.

I think the difference is most marked in this age group (KS2).

Superficially, DD1's private secondary education looks like her friends' at the local comp. Admittedly, her school has a lot of benefits, like actual Maths teachers, but you probably get them at better state secondaries.

We have chosen private primary for our son. He is in year 5 now. As a prep school your child will prep for the 11+.
If he does well he could get into a good selective grammar school that is free or a scholarship into an independent school.
We are apply for grammar schools for our son.

Saying that, we have decided to send our second child to a state school. She is 6 years younger and I feel like she can learn at school and I can top up or get a tutor which is cheaper than paying a school.
I also have the experience of teaching my son at home during lockdown.

I did feel like she will be missing out but somehow had a change of heart.

There are probably no wrong decisions here, only different ones, and it's too late to pull out so I'd stop giving this headspace.

Prioritise private secondary school if you can't afford to send them all the way through to 18.

I live in a nice village with a lovely primary school. The DC in our village go to the primary school and then onto state, grammar or private - usually about half to state and about 25% each to grammar or private

honestly - i would keep him state for primary and private for secondary

if the state/grammar schools are good for secondary, i would not waste your money regardless!

Find it hard to believe that people who can afford private schools live in areas where state schools are so bad. Generally higher income areas have higher performing/achieving schools.

Dh and I went to top 20 UK schools and have similar opinions: Our overall feeling is Private isnt a silver bullet.

Unless the school was a feeder into an exceptional prep - we personally wouldn't but we dont have generational wealth and wont inherit much/ anything.

From an "investment" POV...
If you want to help your child "get ahead" you are probably better off putting the 100k or so into investments so they have a 200-300k house deposit.

You seem keen though and do have the budget so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their contribution to this. I needed to vocalise it all and your responses have really helped me process it! I'm pleased to say I'm out the other side and genuinely excited for this now. I wholeheartedly believe it's the right setting for him. He loves to learn and he just looked so natural sitting there with the class.

I love where people have said "education should be enjoyed, not endured", and I couldn't agree more. I appreciate that doesn't mean every private is better than state, or vice versa, and I've never looked at it that way - just which school best suits your child.

He's now counting down the days until he starts! It'll be a long summer!

Also depends on the child both mine been extremely happy at their state lots
of lovely friends good grades and sports. We have had the budget for lots of travel as a family and other extra curricular. So not sure how much value added there would have been. Although I will never know I guess!

That said a neighbours lad is quite quirky so for him his private school is perfect.

Hi Amber, what do you mean by “too suffocating”? As in, small classes when the kids are older can be too intense? just curious as we are in same boat as OP. Thanks.

Still paying for the mental health support that was needed when DS moved from state to
private at secondary. He recognises that he had a great education. - first class degree for a RG Uni. But it came at a cost. Do what is right for your child.