Private School Expectations are too much!

[EasierToWalkAway]

DC attends an all-through indie and is currently Y6. School have set up a one-off all day event next Sunday which all children in their cohort, along with children in the senior school. are “expected” to attend. I’m sure it will be a great day but given our other family commitments over the weekend, not to mention late clubs on the Thursday & Friday before as well as the Monday after, I know it will be too much for DC. There is so much going on as we approach the end of term. I want to be supportive and at any other time of year it would’ve been great for DC to do the special Sunday event. However, I feel school did not take this into account when selecting their Sunday.

Is there a diplomatic way to get DC out of this? Or WIBU just to tell them the truth?

This is the world of independent education. It's a lot, for kids and staff. You can be absolutely sure the teachers aren't thrilled about their scheduled Sunday either.

Oh dear. It seems rather at odds with their award winning wellbeing policy.

This is why we get such long school holidays.

It’s a trade we’re willing to make.

Also - DC are happier when they’re busy. We just make sure there’s some proper down time when we can manage it and during the holidays.

Oh definitely. I used to work in one of the top independent schools in the country and the pressure on the children was crazy. Every weekend had at least one day of school commitments, and often both days were expected. But it was presented as opportunities and enrichment, and being a team player etc etc..

For my dc it would depend what it is - a ‘fun day’, absolutely feel free to decline. If it is a day that will be important for transition to the next year, then I would cut back on clubs / family events around that and make it a priority. We are all juggling priorities - we can’t do everything we would like and have to make choices sometimes. I would be candid with the school - no need to ‘make excuses’.

But what actually is it? Is it their summer fete or is it a day of revision?

I’d make a priority of attending.
I just felt that if I’d sent my kids to private school i’d signed up for this level of commitment.

Sounds slightly less tiresome than the absurd all day sports day that the prep school our DC was at had. Yrs 3-8 event was at an athletics track, parents were expected to attend, look after their kids between races and make sure they turned up for their races on time. The teachers were all there supervising the events. A ridiculous farce and a rather boring day for all but the sporty types

It's great if we can manage it but not if it makes a child too tired to function.

But I didn't sign up for my child to be overwhelmed!

I would prioritise the school event as a one off. I would skip Thu/Fri clubs if needed that week and chilled day on the other day of the weekend or whatever is needed for downtime.

It's what I like about private education, it keeps my child busy with quite a good variety of things going on all the time. Hence the parents also need to be able to support it.
When our school holds any events on the weekends they are quite appreciative of the attendance, and understand some families may have other commitments. For super important events where they 'expect' everyone to attend, they are communicated well in advance so I never had a problem with that.

Yes this is the world of private school and it gets even more full on at secondary - Saturday sport, even more extra curricular options which your child will want to sign up for, but more schoolwork too, and regular tests/exams. Trying to balance it all and not exhaust themselves is a fine art.

You are allowed to say no and you are allowed to skip stuff.

In your shoes I’d probably go for the Sunday as it’s a one off and skip the Friday/Monday clubs. Depends how your child feels about each though.

We just not attend. If anyone asks, or I need to action it, I just put down that we’re unavailable / away/ working. In saying that, I think I do a good job onf meeting expectations most of the time so the school can’t complain.

You’d feel better if you knew how many of the other parents have vetoed this event

You ‘signed up’ because your child couldn’t hack it in the state system. This is what you get.

🙄🙄🙄 chip much?

This it is a special Sunday event just don’t do the other stuff

it is one day in Year 6

as it happened DS had to do the summer fair at his school on a Sunday in year 6 running a stall was pretty much all day is it something similar?

They've got Saturday to have a chill one surely? Tbh I don't find my children get tired like I do so they'd be fine doing their usual clubs and something extra at a weekend, it's only like planning a day out over the weekend.

We always prioritised school when mine were younger - they are both sporty in and out of school though so we quickly got used to having to plan weekends with military precision.

it’s part of what you sign up for imo

As above, the expectations for weekend commitments will increase a lot for secondary. You're spending a lot of money so if it's too much now I'd think long and hard about whether it's the right path for you and your kids.

Just say you have plans.

It’s not all private schools. One of the factors in our choice of where to apply at 11+ was avoiding the type of school that requires regular attendance on Saturdays or Sundays, whether it’s for morning school or for matches which everyone has to attend. In my experience, it tends to be the boys schools, or those that were boys schools and are now co-ed, especially if they have boarders they need to keep busy at the weekend.

It sounds as though you’re stuck with it, OP, but if you are considering a change of schools it’s definitely a factor. I’m happy for my DC to keep busy, but I see no reason why it has to be at school - they do lots of other activities including some on Saturdays. But it’s their choice, it’s things they specifically enjoy (in some cases, at a much higher level than school can offer), and it gives them a friendship group outside school which is also a good thing.

It’s really horses for courses. Our prep school is wall to wall events during term time and it’s a very busy life, but in general we find it really fun / rewarding / fulfilling. Holidays are long and that’s why. We knew exactly what we were signing up for too, as this is the (very well publicised) culture of the school. Other local preps near us have very few events, so it’s school specific I’d say, rather than a private thing.
in your case, if your DC really doesn’t want to go then Im sure it’s not the end of the world. As
a one off event, I would try and do it though. My kids would want to go if all their mates were I think.

Policies are very easy to write, also easy to claim you're doing it all!

God would hate this. Ours did activities then hung out in the garden reading. But full on families that love to be kept gainfully busy at all times love this sort of thing. Horses for courses I guess.