Are public school children really told "you are the best"

[merrymaryquitecontrary]

I'm reading a book at the moment, (Posh Boys..) which I knew was against the public school system, however there have been a few statements where I wondered if there is truth in it or not. One of them was that the pupils are told they are the best. Is there any truth in this?

No, they are told the school is the best and there is a often a lot of pressure to live up to expectations of the school.

Are you just asking specifically about public school kids or do you mean all independent schools?
At DDs indy school they aren't told that they are the best at all but they are told that anything is possible if they work for it . Same as good parents should do! However the school apply that across all aspects eg sport, drama, music etc not just academics. They focus on finding the strengths of each child and teaching them how to maximise those through work and dedication.
That's very different from telling all kids that they are the best.
They are also reminded of their privilege and therefore their responsibility to their communities. Lots of charity work as mandatory activities etc

No. Maybe a long time ago they were told that, but not anymore. Instead they are reminded that they are privileged to have the opportunities available to them (sport, trips etc) and that they therefore have a wider community duty to help others. Community duty is taken very seriously by many of these schools now, as it should be. That said, they are teens and a public school teen is just as likely as a state school teen to miss the mark and come across as arrogant/selfish/ignorant of other demographics at times.

Not for mine. They are encouraged to try hard and do their best. They have never been told they "are" the best.

@WonkyWay2 " Community duty is taken very seriously by many of these schools now, as it should be"

Some, certainly. I wouldn't go for many.

Yes. We were told this. I was at a competitive entry school and we were told we were all top 10%.

Might have been true, might not. I don’t think I really believed it but I do remember thinking I was a bit ‘average’ when I was really just average for the school. So when I left school I really thought everyone else was very thick and used to despair at their stupidity.

Turns out everyone else isn’t thick, I was actually quite clever. I am a bit nicer now.

This was my experience for both DD and DSs' schools. I remember at the open day for DS's school that the headmaster said his aim was to produce well rounded young men rather than entitled little shits (paraphrased, obviously!)

They did a lot of community work and fundraising.

The school marketing and messages make it all “fairly culty” according to my sons and i can’t say I disagree. They’re definitely taught that the school is the best! The school is good at boasting via marketing. And back slapping assemblies. I secretly hate the school but it’s an excellent one which is really educating my kids in every way so here we are.

If DD went into school tomorrow saying she wanted to be a brain surgeon they would say "great" and show her how to become that. If she said she wanted to be an astronaut they would do the same thing. So it's more of a "you can do anything and we will help and support you but this is what you need to do in order to make that happen". It's not a "you are the best so you can easily become an astronaut". But I'm sure that belief in the kids creates a strong sense of self-belief.

same here

Absolutely not. It’s more a message of what do you want to do and what can we do to get you there. There is a lot of academic support for boys with special needs too, lunchtime clubs where older kids are encouraged to help younger ones with prep esp maths and the sciences. You get better when you help others and put yourself out there. I have to say all success in and out of school is hugely celebrated and recognised.

I think we were told we were "the brightest and best" but that was a good few years ago. There was a horrible culture of arrogance and entitlement in the school, derogatory terms for kitchen and cleaning staff etc. It's quite tricky to instil confidence and ambition without going over this line I think, en masse anyway, easier when only dealing with your own DC.

I went to private school and agree that for us (and this was many many decades ago) it was the 'you can do anything' idea. However, of course, this turns out to be total bollocks and didn't prepare me at all well for life. Because a) we all have our limitations and b) if you're a woman (which we all were) and want to have children there will be compromises involved. It did instill me with a decent amount of confidence though.

The 'you can do anything if you work hard enough' is actually quite invidious and a very privileged concept. Some people work fucking hard and still can't do what they want to, due to things beyond their control (where they were born, the income of their parents, etc etc)

Well I've sat in assembly's at my bog standard comprehensive in a massively disadvantaged area and listened to the Principal tell students they are the best, they could achieve anything, they were the leaders of the future and lucky to go to a school offering a world-class education.

Back in the real world, the school was awful, teachers on their knees due to terrible leadership, teaching was constantly disrupted by pupils and ineffective sanction system, bullying awful, SEND provision pitiful despite huge levels and high levels of parental illiteracy, gang culture taking hold, a handful of students would go on to university, and be leaders. Most would-be in the service industry or unemployed for most of the year as it was a coastal town, some might eventually become middle managers or own small businesses like a garage.

So yes, if a Principal of that type of school tell the students they are the best then I'm sure the Principals of Eton / Harrow etc who have an alumni consisting multiple Prime Ministers and industry leaders do too

My brothers went to a school like that. The boys used to call the cleaning staff ‘skivs.’
In contrast some school mums at my old primary worked in the canteen at a local independent school and said it was a lovely job as the kids were so polite.
There’s a lot of variation between different schools ime and the worst are still appalling in the attitudes they encourage.

I send DC to a private school and work in one. (both very highly thought of).

The children where I work are almost beyond reproach in their manners and attitude with the very odd exception.

If an elitist attitude was spotted at my DCs school, it would be stamped on hard.

However both schools offer world class facilities and opportunities. So it's no wonder the students think that they can be best at whatever they want. It isn't inculcated by teaching staff though.

This is very interesting. Because some argues that for some student, not all, going to a non-selective school and realize they are very bright in comparison might benefit the children to grow more confidence, comparing to being in a super selective environment, an actually bright one might feel average.

Do you feel you could have benefited from different system?

Private schools are not all the same, just as state schools aren't all the same. Their ethos and attitudes vary hugely from school to school. I've taught in two private schools which were like chalk and cheese. I currently teach in a grammar school. My ds is at another grammar school about 10 mins walk away. They are very, very different in their attitudes.

My own DC go to non-selective state, where they are given a different type of feedback (just as good but more realistic).

Lots of ex-private school mental health issues arise when it turns out the young person doesn’t become an astronaut or whatever. Because, well not many people do.

Having said that, I am moderately successful with plenty of self belief so I guess my school was part of that.

My boys went to a well known public school.
They were told to be the best they could be, not that they were the best.
They both have great humility.

Yes it’s good to be mindful about these sort of impacts. Whether a child would thrive better in private or state would be very much to do with the child too.

Unfortunately however much the school work on social awareness, their own parents have chosen a path which affords them exclusive privilege and that they only have to rub shoulders with their own ilk.

This parental attitude will still have a big impact on how the child perceives the world - that they are the cream of the crop and don’t need to be held back by the povo muggles. Some are so arrogant they’re not even aware of it.

I’ve seen it in my professional life. Private school educated people horrified and afraid to be around a working class person. It’s a real life Catherine Tate sketch show.

Wow so many inaccuracies it's like private school stereotype bingo!

I have a fair bit of experience with the independent education sector, and DD has been in private and in state. I also work with school leavers across the whole range of education, from very disadvantaged to super-elite public school.

In answer to your question - sone schools yes, even now (Eton, St Paul’s, SPG, NLCS, Westminster are all particularly notable examples). In some schools no - and I don’t think the vast majority of “ordinary” independent day schools have this attitude.

I’ne also met a fair few private school parents, and to be honest, a fair amount of the attitude you’re taking about can come from the parents. By no means all, or even most. But there is a significant minority of private school parents at some schools who are pushy and inculcate a “we are the best” attitude in their kids. As someone said to me when we were looking at a super-competitive school near us for DD “a good number of the parents are, of course, absolute pricks!” 😂

Not at ds' school.

They say the child can be the best if they embrace learning and work hard.