Are public school children really told "you are the best"

[merrymaryquitecontrary]

I'm reading a book at the moment, (Posh Boys..) which I knew was against the public school system, however there have been a few statements where I wondered if there is truth in it or not. One of them was that the pupils are told they are the best. Is there any truth in this?

We weren’t told we were the best. We were told we were lucky and should use the opportunity to do our best.

This was years ago now but mil went to grammar school in the 70's and they were always being told that.

I went to secondary modern school and was considered "bright" because I d I'd my homework and wasn't disruptive so was made to do the academic subjects for gcse. I was average intelligence and undiagnosed dyslexia so it was a total disaster and I only passed 3 of my gcse's.

A bit of a wry smile at the earnest oh no no, not told they are the best. Just told they are much more fortunate than most others and to bestow largesse upon the plebs.

No

At my school we didn't. I think they specifically wanted to make us well rounded and NOT believing we were the best necessarily but to have confidence. However, I remember at uni, a boy who was a friend and had gone to a top boys public school, casually threw into a conversation with me that we both knew we were better than the others (the others in our large flat hadn't gone to public schools) because we went to our schools. I was aghast as that wasn't and never has been my thinking! He also prioritised golf over his degree as golfing would be "how I'll make connections and network...". Afaik, his career never really got off the ground.

They pushed a message about the school being the best rather than the pupils being the best.
I left with 4 A-levels at grade A (no A star back then) but felt very stupid because there were some extraordinarily smart girls there.

Between them my kids have attended 3 different private schools and all of them have driven the message that they are very privileged to be there and must give back. At home we encourage trying your best but definitely no aiming for the unsustainable idea of “perfection”.

OP I think your view comes more from a select group of parents of children at private schools rather than the schools themsleves. There is always a cohort who think themselves better than everyone else, which invariably has been learnt at home.

Not exactly the same, but I attended one of the top day girls' school in the 90s. We were very much encouraged to believe we could achieve anything, and should try.

we were told we were the brightest and the best, definitely.

it put a lot of pressure on some kids, feeling you have to become a high flier. In fact that was the name of our school magazine at one point!

DD went to a very well known grammar school, often described as giving off ‘public school energy’ - they were absolutely told that they were the best in the country and had to keep this standard up, both in their academic and personal lives. I don’t agree with it whatsoever though!

It’s much more subtle than that but becomes glaringly obvious as they get older. The way children understand that being educated at private schools, their privilege, wealth and elite education/connections, opportunities and advantage over state educated children - grows as they get older. Due to these factors a confidence is instilled in them from a young age that is often missing in very bright high achieving students from state schools.

I went to private school.

We were constantly expected to be the best, but weren’t told that we were (apart, perhaps, from the very few people who really were the best).
We were not told you can be whoever you want to be. We were told, if anything, we should be whoever the school wanted us to be.
We were told only to aspire to high academic achievement.
Expectations were extremely high - you were absolutely expected to excel at your exams and go to Oxbridge.

I ended up at Cambridge. I remember being taught a new subject, and being enthusiastically told how good the essays I had written were.
In retrospect my supervisor was lovely and being positive and encouraging.

But I was so deeply uncomfortable and unused to being praised for academic achievement, that I actually applied to change subjects to something “harder”. After my school, Cambridge seemed almost unbelievably low-pressured!

I still lack self-belief now, despite jumping through all the academic hoops just as I was expected to.

In contrast, my state school DC are constantly being praised, encouraged and told how good they are at everything.

We weren't told that at my school. There was a lot of emphasis on trying hard and doing your best.

Some of the teachers were old-fashioned public school snobs but they were already starting to age out when I left school. The younger teachers weren't like that at all.

Yes. We were told this. I was at a competitive entry school and we were told we were all top 10%.

^

We were told this. It made me stop trying

I had a friend who went to one of the top private schools and he said that they were always told that “You are the future leaders of the country”.

That was about 20 years ago though.

He didn’t go on to be a leader of the country as it happened, he went ‘off the rails’ quite early on!

An old friend who went to a private school told me that when they would run past the local comprehensive in cross country that his PE teacher would tell them to “wave at the poor people”. Pretty horrifying really…

Being told you're in the top 10% based purely on academic achievement is very different to being told you're the best from an elitist point of view.

I went to an independent school and we were sometimes reminded how fortunate we were, but we were never told we were "the best".

My kids suffer from this. They are in grammar school and constantly told they are the 'top 20 per cent'. My kids are all bright but think they are below average because in their cohort they are. I try and remind them them about the kids they knew in year 6 who could barely read. I wish we didn't have this system, but given that we do, the school they are in is best for them. But I don't like this aspect.

We have a family member whose children went to well known boarding schools and they do have something of an over inflated opinion of their own abilities and importance. I'm not sure it's as simple as the school overtly telling them that they are "the best" though I suspect that the continual reminders of famous alumni etc have some effect. I think it is a combination of school, family and friend influences.
Being continually surrounded by similarly privileged people must have some impact on your perception not only of yourself but others. They would deny that they don't know how the rest of the world lives as they've all done various types of charity work, but I don't think it crosses their mind that the people they meet have anything to offer them, or indeed wider society, it's all very one way. Noblesse oblige I suppose. They hold some very stereotypical views which my DC who were educated in (albeit very naice, leafy) state schools don't, but I doubt the schools are entirely responsible for that. I suspect it's largely parental influence but the school environment probably reinforces those beliefs.

My DS school say be/do your best. That’s what I would expect schools/parents to say to their children, ‘you don’t have to be the best, just try your best’.

I’ve seen it in my professional life. Private school educated people horrified and afraid to be around a working class person. It’s a real life Catherine Tate sketch show.

Evident on MN also - one particular poster I remember advising someone who was contemplating moving their child from private to state, that they should check the state school offered proper qualifications, so actual GCSEs and not just btecs. The ignorance of some is pretty astounding.

This was exactly my experience!

Of course not. One exception as below.

You don’t think you’re special but you slooowly realise how shit a lot of state schools are and wince at how badly other children are served.

Etonians are ghastly because they are taught blithe self confidence and entitlement.

A long time ago, but yes, at my (very minor) private school we were told we were in "the top three percent" academically.

I was about 13 and remember thinking 1) what bollocks and 2) what an appalling thing to say.

My mum told me my private education was going to open lots of doors, and make me achieve more in life. It didn't open any doors, and I found the world of work a shock. I don't recall teachers telling me I was better. Definitely some of the children believed themselves to be superior. 30 years since I left school and life has brought most of us down a few pegs. I chose comprehensive for my children.