Will a clever child do well in any school or is it important they go somewhere which will challenge them??

[ireallyreallyhatefootball]

Having a bit of a debate with ourselves about ds' school.

Ds is only in reception but seems pretty clever (don't we all think that of our dcs!? Based on what teachers said and it's fairly obvious) The level of teaching isn't the same as where he is working and the differentiation is very minimal. This might improve next year in year one and hasn't worried us too much this year as it is only reception.

BUT his school is mediocre for education according to every source going (ofsted, parents with children up the school etc).
The negative things mentioned in the ofsted are the same ones several of our friends with kids higher up the school don't like and the same things I have seen in reception e.g. lack of differentiation, not very organised, mediocre out of date teaching.

But ds is happy. His life is easy. If we moved him to a private school (which we can easily afford to be honest - and there is only one child in our family) he would have to travel 25 to 30 mins each way, leave his friends he has made etc. Longer holidays would be a pain for my work (I work part time in town and it's hard to manage normal holidays never mind longer private school ones). He'd have to get up earlier etc.

Lifestyle wise it is much better where he is I suspect BUT I fear that he is getting quite a mediocre education compared to other better state schools and some preps (not saying these are all good either)
Does it matter if he's happy and hasn't complained he's bored if he isn't doing as well as he could and coasts?

Sorry about the spellings.

I moved my dd after year 3.Education is something you dont compromise.She did not have any problems setlling in her new school.There are couple of girls from her old school who are still friends with my dd.I know lot of parents in her class who talk to me(not sure what they talk behind my back) and also know few parents who will be moving their DC in secondary school to an independent school.Out of interest I want to know how many of you still are friends with children you went to primary school?

If you have a child as able as belledechoc..., they will never be stretched at school.

They won't be stretched until they reach Oxbridge, and even then - if you are one of the brightest people in the world - you are the one creating the knowledge, not learning it!

bellede. I think your point about friendships from primary is a bit curious. The point is how it affects their happiness and/ or development at that point in time. So for example my mother has no friends from primary. She was moved at 7, and found the new school hard. She also thinks she didn't make friends as easily at the new school because she was scared of losing them all over again. All a bit sad and obviously very individual to her, but still valid. I'm not against moving kids at all if it's the best option, and am sure it was for your DD, but it does depend on the child.

• fwiw, I know a couple of people who have moved from private to state. Not for financial reasons either.

sorry, bellede, that should have been to supermum!!

I agree with you smee that they should be happy at that point of their life and there is no need to presume that they cant cope with the change. But as a parent I think you should also see the bigger picture and do what will be good to them in their future and I think all of us are trying to that.

Absolutely, of course we are. Shame there's not a definitive right in parenting though. it's so hard most of the time.

I went to three different primary schools due to parental job moves.

I have to admit, I embraced all the changes and was excited about them. (I think because we always moved to interesting places).

However, I found it very difficult to settle in the third school. I was 9 (possibly a difficult time to move). It was also going from an urban school full of the children of academics to a school in a village where no-one had ever moved. So, it was a culture shock.

Having generally looked forward to change as a child, I can't be done with it now. I bought my first house in my early 20s and still live there, 15 years on!

I want to do the right thing - whatever will suit dd best. I just wish I had a crystal ball. I'm worried about moving her. I'm worried about staying put. I will drive myself crazy

ireallyreallyhatefootball - a bright child will do well anywere providing the teacher is engaged with them and the atmosphere in the classroom is conducive to learning.

BUT.....

Our experience of DS1 at private Prep is that he is at the top of the class in all subjects and we are struggling to get the school to give him enough of a challenge. Especially in maths.

If you do go for a private Prep do make sure you know the standard they are aiming for. Our Prep is aiming for a good average Primary standard which is fine for children who are struggling but for DS1 he is literally sat there bored at school and finishes his homework in 10 minutes.

You are right. Private Prep is not a panacea. You really have to do your research and ask tough questions about what the standard really is. Our DS1 finds his teacher is pleasant and he is happy but she tends to just say 'very good work' and then focuses her time on the weaker members of class.

We have been to see the teacher and Head and had to literally coach them as to what topic areas he would be expected to know in maths when he faces his 11+ entry exams to senior school next year. We are having to fill in the gaps ourselves - not what we expected to do as we are paying.

Yes holidays are longer at Prep - we use paid for holiday clubs to cover that as we work at home and cannot have DSs around all the time. Our DSs enjoy the holiday club activities (eg rock climbing, archery, cricket, football, clay modelling, acting, go karts, swiming) and they are not sat at home bored during holidays.

Acin I understand your worries and we've had them ourselves, however all of dd's close friends will have left themselves by the time she starts so she'd have had to make a new start socially anyway even if she'd stayed

however, if your dc has a very established friendship group and doesn't deal with change very well (I'm talking about my ds2 here!) then that would mitigate in favour of staying at their original school - even so, educational needs might trump social needs

my personal experience - i was miserable in schools that let me coast, and happy in the good schools that challenged me and kept me working.

if your DS is happy where he is, there is much less of a reason to move him, though he might be doing academically better elsewhere (and equally, if he's an easy going kind of kid, he might readily adapt to a different place)

I coasted and had a great time. Looking back, I wish someone had noticed me though. It was a Grammar School for so called bright girls. Very bad news there to be average, ie if you did okay as you got ignored. Got the degree and all those tick box things, but I'd have done way better at the comp down the road am sure.