Which name should I ask the teacher to use at school, real name or pet name?

[AnnieAlcoholLeft]

DD starts Reception in September. I briefly met the teacher this morning (she is currently DS's teacher) and she asked me what do I want them to call DD when she starts, mainly they need to know what to write on the books etc.
At home, DH, DS and I always call her by her nickname as do her friends at nursery. Staff at nursery asked me the same thing last year and have since been using both (since I couldn't really decide...)!
Grandparents and other family generally call her by her real name.
She responds to both, knows both, and can write her nickname.
I half think they should call her her real name as that is what it is, but I also half think she would feel more comfortable if they called her by her nickname, as we will continue to use it, and her nursery friends will, and any new friends she may make.

Confusing, no? Particularly for poor DD...

I would appreciate any views.

Depends what it is really.

Is it a derivative of her name, ie Lou for Louise, or is it a properly "pet" name ?

No, it's a completely different name really. DS couldn't say her name when she was born and started calling her this and it's stuck.
This isn't it, but something like:
Christina (real name)
Missy (nickname)
sort of...

If it's a derivative of her name (e.g. Amy for Amelia, or Emmy for Emmeline) then I'd go with the nickname. If it's something cutesy like Snookums or Topsy then I'd go with her real name.

Although scratch that -- I'd ask her what she wants to be called. She's old enough starting Reeption to make that decision (there are two slightly different ways of pronouncing DS's name depending on whether you enunciate one of the vowels very precisely or just use a less distinct schwa vowel, and when he started Reception he was very specific about how he wanted his name said).

I think I'd have her real name on the register but ask the teacher to use her nickname in everyday conversation.

This is probably what will happen anyway, if her friends are calling her by her NN.

Would be different if the nickname was something like 'Schnookems'!!

Go for the real name at school.

Stick with the cute Missy name at home.

At school, teachers call dd by her long name. At home we tend to use her short name (not a nickname, a shorter version of her name, but a completely different name). Long name when naughty.

Her friends now use both.

We thought it was important that she's taught to write he long name and that it's used in "formal" circumstances like school.

It hasn't been confusing or weird (like I thought it might be tbh).

I would go for her proper name.

All mine have their proper names at school and no one else calls them anything else though we do sometimes with 2 of them.

I think it needs to be her real name - school is 'official' and thats how she needs to be recorded.

Ask her. Then do what she wants. Simple!

no, it's not Schnookems or Topsy!

I did ask her this morning, Professor, and she replied nickname.
I also asked the nursery staff and they said, obviously it's up to me, but that she is quieter as nickname and more confident as real name!

I think I'll probably do as you suggest Cuppa, and ask them to use real name for writing and official things, and use nickname for everyday use.

My son is Thomas but has always been called Tom. I asked his teachers to call him Tom as I wasn't sure he would respond to Thomas. He knows Thomas is his proper name but has never been called it. Obviously this works OK though because Tom is the well known short form for Thomas. If your daughter's pet name is not an abbreviation of her real name and she responds to both, I'd get school t use her proper name.

when i started school the teachers called me by my realname and i had no idea who they were talking to... mum hadn't thought to enlighten me that my nickname was not my real name!!

anyway, after that all through school i was called my nickname

but then at 6th form i decided to be sophisticated and go with my real name, but ended up back to my nickname. then at uni i was a mixture of both and then at work realname only. so family and those that knew me "before" called me by nickname but new people by real name.

so now i have two names and tbh it is a pita. they are not an obvious abbreviation.

from my experience keep the nickname as a family close friend childhood thing and use the realname in formal situations. it really gets too complicated later.

Ok, thank you all, I think I'll tell them to use her real name, but that it's ok for them to use her nickname in every day life.
She'll always be nickname to me though!

Dd2 has always used her official title at school as 'Bimbo' is a bit silly.

DS shortened his own name by choice and this got adopted within school - ie Benjamin to Ben

DD has always been known by multiple derivatives - Liz, Lizzy etc but at school always Elizabeth

I would ask your DD what she prefers

DDs oldest friend is actually known by her middle name at school although knows what her 'official' name is

I asked the teachers at school to do what you are suggesting i.e. use full name for official stuff but to shorten for everyday use, and they told me that they would only use the name on the register, so teachers call her her full name, everyone else shortens it. I was a bit at first but it works quite well, teachers need to be respected as teachers - not friends or family having that formality stregthens that respect IMO.

My children are known by a shortened version of their name. Most people would consider my children's nicknames to be a reasonable real name.

I am quite old fashioned, so I think that if you want to call a boy Jack, then that is fine, but he should have John on his birth certificate.

I guess your DD will have to get used to being called by her full name in formal situations like Drs etc so maybe its an opportunity to start now - odd though that some schools don't allow for any variation - in DDs class there are lots of Ellas / Ellies short for Eleanor / Isabella / Elodie etc

I have a Madeleine who was always a Maddie at primary school, just happened quite naturally as that's what she called herself and her friends did and so the teachers did. Funny thing is, now she is at secondary school, she is called Madeleine by all the teachers, even though she still calls herself Maddie. Maybe secondary school likes to be more formal!

It's great that they thought to ask... my son is Gus, Augustus..but has never ever been called that.
On his first day in reception he was very upset to find out he was A for apple on his peg etc. Everything had to be changed for him

real name.

I don't get why a boy called Jack should have John on the birth cert? Surly they are 2 completely different names? Even if one came from another originally, few names are used now in their original form, most have been changed.

I think it is more important at secondary school puppymonkey. Jamie or Rob is fine in the classroom but on the register it should be James or Robert. Then you can be sure that GCSE certs come with the full name and not the nn.

DS is full name at school as I wanted it to be used and for him to be able to write/spell all 9 letters! At home is shortened version. Friends call him both depending where they know him from.

When I started school they read out everybody's given name and then asked if you were happy to be known as that. So you were officially you but colloquially whatever you wanted. Of course I was a precocious and mischievous imp who changed my name entirely, convinced the school there had been an error and was known as Jo Beeper for 4 months until my parents and the teachers got together and worked it out. My name is neither Jo nor Beeper. My Dad to this day calls me Beeper though.