Which name should I ask the teacher to use at school, real name or pet name?

[AnnieAlcoholLeft]

DD starts Reception in September. I briefly met the teacher this morning (she is currently DS's teacher) and she asked me what do I want them to call DD when she starts, mainly they need to know what to write on the books etc.
At home, DH, DS and I always call her by her nickname as do her friends at nursery. Staff at nursery asked me the same thing last year and have since been using both (since I couldn't really decide...)!
Grandparents and other family generally call her by her real name.
She responds to both, knows both, and can write her nickname.
I half think they should call her her real name as that is what it is, but I also half think she would feel more comfortable if they called her by her nickname, as we will continue to use it, and her nursery friends will, and any new friends she may make.

Confusing, no? Particularly for poor DD...

I would appreciate any views.

Child I taught once was known to everyone at school as 'Chris'. Mum was a classroom helper, so when it came to report writing time I asked her if she wanted 'Chris' or 'Christopher' on his report, she requested 'Christopher' as that's how they ALWAYS referred to him at home.

I think it's nice to tell the teacher before the start of the year that the child is generally called a different name, as a lot of effort goes into labelling pegs, drawers, books, etc, and if the child (Like Gus in a PP) is upset by their 'real' name being used, it's difficult.

It seems to be the right decision then. She won't be upset by using her real name, as I say, Grandparents use it as do the nursery staff (usually!)
Thanks for all your stories. I think it will all be ok
Also munchkinland, that is a good reason also - the staff at the nursery have said several times she responds more confidently when called by her real name, rather than just nodding shyly when using her nickname.

All thoughts much appreciated.

Is there a reason why ppl on mn wont say there dc's names? i think this thread would be alot easyier if ppl would.

Aah but your children have lovely names Pixie, you can say them without fear of derision. I suspect 98% of MNers have a Chardonnay and a Jayden (no comment on those names, just seem the 'discussed vociferously' in the past) and fear the collective wrath.

People don't say their names or children's names because it's an anonymous forum and it's their right to choose how identifiable they are.

LimaCharlie - the teachers were quite happy for any version of the name to be the "given" name, just that they would only use one name so DD has a Ted, Teddy a Josh and a Joshua is her class....but that is also what they are known as on the register.
So wouldn't have Isabella on the register but call the child bella iyswim???

When I went to school I was called by my pet name and everything I did, all art work etc, had my pet name on it.

I decided myself to stop using it when I was about 7 and we moved.

I think ask them to use the pet name.

Annie - just wondering if your dd is less confident when nursery staff use her nickname as she associates it with family, people who love her.

i always wanted a nickname.

i was always Arie (pron arh ee) at home, but Andrea normally. i wanted to be Andi. insisted on it a bit when i was a teenager, but only one person ever calls me that. (and ever did really, it never stuck)

and my sister Charlotte is Charlotte or Lotte or Charlie depending on who she's with, so she's got 2 nicknames. i think she was always Charlotte at school though

Hai, I choose to share on Mumsnet in reasonable detail where I live, the ages of my children and a reasonable amount about DH and me. If I shared the names of my children too then I might as well go around with my user name tattooed on my forehead. Which would be inconvenient when I wanted to change it...

REAL name. People can still pick up on a nick name.

I've got several children on my register with their full name, and their preferred name in brackets, so anyone covering knows what to call them.
Name of choice on books, pegs etc but for IEPs and formal documents, it's the full name.
I'd ask the child and then use my discretion. No Snugglebunnikins.

Annie - I sat here for ages racking my brains trying to remember what your DD's proper name is Just goes to show how much you use her nickname - I always think of her as that and forget that it isn't actually her name!

I actually think that as school is a formal setting, that maybe she should use her real name there (although would there be a problem with her recognising her peg etc?) - at least by the teachers - and leave the nickname for outside of school for friends and family?

Just thinking - is your DS's name a nickname or his real name? If it is a nickname, what do the teachers do about that? (I should know the answer to that

WHat does DD want to be called?

Boy is curently telling his YR teacher and any one who asks that he wants to be called "Robert" rather than "rob".

You chose Christina, so she's Christina........or possibly Chris (logical for other children)

My dc have always written and on all formal information been their full names.

But in conversation with all staff they are their nicknames, and with my older children, due to our surname, they have been given nicknames by the teacher based on their surname .

All invites etc and bumph from other parents comes with nicknames on, I presume this is due to this is what the children call them, so when the parents ask the name, the child gives them the nickname.

Long name for registration, wchool work and Headmistress.
Shortname for daily chatter with friends and by teacher.

I'd say ask your DD and go with what she wants.

It's her decision to make, at the end of the day.

Fab, you may be right, she may associate her nn with home life, though nursery have used it from the beginning and only started confusing her using her real name when they started writing it.
Also her GPs user her real name and they adore her.
SoH, she is neither Chardonnay or Jayden. More of a Merlot girl, me... . NO that's not her name!!

CB, it's so true! Some people are really surprised when they find out she has a real name! DS is his real name, funny enough, even though that is already a shortened name, so that was never a problem.
She will always be my

Myneighbour, that's it concisely. Decision made!

Actually I don't think she's confused about her names. She knows and recognises both.
Thanks all.

Annie, I would use her real name at school as they get loads of certificates don't they and they really should have her real name on them. I do suspect that she may persuade her new little friends to call her by her nickname once she settles in.

HC
x

Thanks HC [smile)
I spoke to the teacher again this afternoon, and discussed it further, concluding that it will be her real name on her books, peg, register, etc but I'm happy for Mrs Teacher to call her nickname during the course of the day. She was happy with that, particularly when she realised that DD recognises both names.
Then I asked DD in front of her, what are you going to be called...
she answered NN...
Cue a wink from Mrs Teacher and off we went!
It will all be ok.

Great, my solution below works well for my DD. Her mates call her a mix of NN and RN interchangably too which is good. Gives her a real choice when she's older.

In reverse my DS has always been Sam, but after I registered him and done all the forms he requested to be Samuel. I asked if that menat he wanted to be Samuel at home and he said no, jsut at school

So they very sportingly changed all his labels and book covers to Samuel and is is called that at home. Our neighbour's boy who knows him both places gets very confused tho over what to call him at home!!