If your kids play an instrument, how & when do they practice?

[NormaSnorks]

Am struggling a bit with this for DS1 (10).

He plays two instruments (his choice, but very supported/ encouraged by me...)but I am finding the whole practice thing becoming a bit of a chore/nagging session (for me).

He knows he has to do it, and actually quite enjoys it when he gets into it, but it's the initiating it that's a problem, as we don't seem to have a fixed routine in place, and every week is a bit different with matches after school, and friends over etc.

He also still tries to persuade me to come an 'sit in' when he's practising, or to play with him (as I play one of the same instruments) and I simply don't have the time to do this all the time, and then he gets stroppy and says "well, I won't practice then"

So I guess my questions are:

• WHEN do you kids practice - is there a set time each day/ no. of days a week?
• Do they practice on their own, or do you get involved?
• If you play an instrument, how/when do you play together?

?

DD plays the flute. Her Grade One exam is coming up, so I'm trying to ensure she practices at least five times per week.

I've found the best way is to get really involved with her; watch her, make encouraging comments, tell her how nicely she's doing it. Also, letting her play in slightly quirky places helps, such as playing to the guinea pigs in the garden or playing in the kitchen whilst I'm cooking dinner.

If I have friends over, then she'll play in front of them (she loves an audience).

In general, she'll play early evenings. Bribery is good too; I tell her she can watch television after flute.

My dd1 is 10 and plays the accordion.

Practices after homework - no tv or screen time until she has done her time (usually about 10-15 mins)

She practices in the dining room so I can make encouraging noises from the kitchen (not that she can hear me it is a flipping noisy instrument!).

Nothing seems to help in our family, bribes or threats. If you are ever at the point I reached I tell you what worked in the end. Leaving them to it. It is a bit like homework. Eventually they restart and I mean eventually, it took over a month! The teachers know what it's like too. Talk to them if you feel the need, they are human and they actually want youngsters not to be stop altogether. As for exams mine stopped completely because of the pressure but got a merit!

Good luck!

My DD (10) is just giving up one of her instruments (she does two) because she never practices. I know it is probably my fault as I should make her, but it is such an uphill struggle, and when she does practice it will be for the minimum amount of time - unless she has an exam looming when she is more focussed. My argument is that if she enjoyed it she would choose to practice more regularly - whereas if I don't mention it she will not touch the instrument for weeks. I do have a bit of a guilt trip about it as I should set her a timetable and stick to it, but there is so much other stuff going on and with sports fixtures being different every week. Plus I am not musical so cannot help in anyway (apart from encouragement of course). I can understand him getting stroppy if you won't play with him though. My DD chose to play this particular instrument herself so I think it should be her decision to play or not to play.

DS is only 7, but currently stomps off to practice the piano whenever he is cross with me and/or I turn the TV off - so his piano is coming on very well ATM

I don't know how long this will last, but apparently it worked for my DM up to Grade 8 - my grandmother only admitted decades later that she would wind her up on purpose so that she would stomp off and practice.

I don't play anything very well so I don't play with him but if passing will interject with comments / offer to look at a tricky bit with him and see if we can work it out together.

If he hasn't done enough of his own free will, I will generally give him a choice between piano practice and some other chore which he likes even less as being the thing he has to get done before he can watch TV - so generally immediately after he gets home (and has a drink & biscuit).

Do you have a 'music room' - i.e. do you leave instruments 'out' all the time, so they are top of mind, and easy to pick up and play?

My friend swears by this method, and her dining room is a sort of 'music room'.

The only thing is that one of DS's instruments is a sax, and I don't really want it out and at risk of getting dusty/ damaged by visiting kids etc.
Although, that said, I'm sure the process of getting it 'ready to practice' is one of the barriers for DS?

WWTA - the doing it for the minimum time is another problem here... ds will say "Have I done enough yet?" and I will say 'well, have you? Can you play it?'

The only time we got into a good practice routine was when he was working towards his Grade 3, and he actually made a practice chart, with different colours for 10 min, 20 min and 30 min sessions - perhaps we should go back to that....

My DD plays piano and I like her to practise at least 3-4 times a week. She often gets up early and if there's time I will ask her to practise before school, and maybe let her watch a little TV aftewards. That also means she can relax after school. Otherwise I ask her to practise after school, on the days when she doesn't have extra activities.

She does like me to sit with her, especially if she is learning a new piece so that I can help her with it. When she knows the piece she is quite a bit more relaxed though she does like me to be listening to her.

I also have tremendous guilt about the no practice thing....

I don't think it's as easy as saying that if a child doesn't practice then they clearly aren't bothered enough to learn.

Let's face it, the early effort of learning an instrument is hard, and the 'pay-off' or reward is often way down the line, when they are older/much better, and experience the 'high' of playing well together in a band/ orchestra.

I sort of feel it's a parent's job to keep up the motivation & encouragement to get them to that level (unless, of course, they actively HATED and DESPISED playing....)

Norma - I know, that is why I feel so bad about DD giving up - it is the clarinet and I am just a bit peeved that she has been playing it for three years now - she has a lesson at school and misses other lessons for it - and has never taken a bloody exam! Apparently she is too good now for Grade 1 but not quite ready for Grade 2 - so why didn't she take Grade 1? Apparently the teacher asked her if she wanted to do it and she said no. Hello, who is paying for these, me or DD? It also means the instrument is frequently not in the right place - at school so she cannot practice, or at home so she has to do theory in her lesson (I know, that is my fault as well!) The clarinet needs putting up and taking down (or whatever the terminology is), but, the dog loves to join in. Shall I persuade her to carry on

dd2 is 8 and plays the piano; she generally does pracitce about 3 mornings a week , say 7.50am until 8.15, then one or two bigger practices at the weekend.

whatwasthatagain - just to answer your question, it is not necessary to sit every Grade exam. It is not the be all and end all, although if you think it would have motivated your DD then that would be a good reason to sit Grade 1.

To those of you whose children learn instruments that are stored in cases, YES, it makes a difference if they can be left out. Setting them up is a deterrent to practicing. You can buy relatively cheap stands for most woodwind/brass instruments e.g. sax, flute, although you will have to find a safe place to put them so they don't get knocked over. If the istrument is getting played regularly it won't get dusty

HTH

Also, a little bit of practice every day is better than a lot of practice in one go. Even if it's only 5 mins. Every should be able to squeeze in 5 mins before school, and if that's all they manage, it's still better than nothing (that's what I tell my pupils anyway. Maybe I should be harder on them, but I believe it's about developing the 'habit' of practising, and then the desire will hopefully kick in.

Right - am going off to buy a sax stand......

oh my god - the GUILT

I so agree. I constantly wonder whose idea this was, why we're doing it, is it actually supposed to be enjoyable or just a chore?

ds1 used to do the clarinet, for years, he reached grade 1. He was basically crap at it, I got a bee in my bonnet about him carrying on because he found it hard - and he finds lots of school stuff easy. Why? Why did I do this to us? This year - y7 - by mutual consent he gave it up. Fail.

ds2 - the guitar. Well. It's a nag-fest part two, he says he wants to learn, but he doesn't want to practice.

dd - sax. She actually does practice, off her own bat, but probably twice a week. She likes it, seems motivated to do it. So it makes sense to me - she enjoys it, she's bothered to practise but not as much as she should. She'll also go and play the piano. It could be she is musical??? Maybe the other two just aren't?

I think we lack discipline and rigour. I think we're a bit crap basically

100x : "I think we lack discipline and rigour. I think we're a bit crap basically
"

Oh, I'm SOOOO with you on this - we are the same.

I posted this thread because yesterday I went for coffee at the house of a mutual friend and it was obvious that her set-up, management and persistence of her kids' music practice was soooooooooooooo much better than mine.
Hers practice one instrument in the morning before school (ours fight, or are late, or secretly skulk off to watch TV ) and then hers practice in the evening as part of 'homework'.

We are busy changing some rooms around downstairs, so I'm trying to plan how I can accommodate music/instruments better in future .

Oh god, I know

Some are amazing, and their kids are good at playing too.

Which is when I get unstuck. DD does practise, with some encouragement, she actually LIKES doing it. I think this is related to the fact that she CAN

the ds's. It's all uphill, and now my experience with ds1 has rather confirmed that all the struggle was utterly pointless

Perhaps if I'd been more rigorous, persistence would have improved his abilities, and talent or aptitude has nothing to do with it?

We need a music teacher to come explain this

ahundredtimes - we are also a bit crap. My DD does OK at school, but she has yet to find that in which she excels, although if she is like me she will never excel at anything - I don't mean that in a sad whingey way, I am just not particularly great at anything. She has friends who are brilliant swimmers, fantastic netball players, fast runners, super duper singers and championship material horse riders. My DD likes to think she is really good at netball (she isn't) and has a great singing voice (it's not bad), she can dance a bit, play the piano (to Grade 2) and she is turning into not a bad little horserider - but I am not sure how much I should push her and how much I should just say, shucks, chill. Some of her friends parents really, really, push their DCs, and for whose sake? My DDs clarinet teacher says she makes a good sound, but is it worth all the shouting?

And Donnie - you don't call 25minutes a long practice? If we manage 10 minutes that is good going.

That's the thing - DS DOES get much better with practice, and he & I KNOW he does. He's even commented on it, and when we were 'in a good place' before his Grade 3 he was getting really excited about it. But now we've lost it again, and I'm worn out being 'Mrs Motivator' all the time?

WWTA - I find that "How much should I keep pushing" question really hard too...

I can't believe many of the children who are absolutely fantastic at, say, sport or music, are really completely self-motivated all the time? Surely there is usually a parent behind the scenes - encouraging, motivating, supporting, 'enabling' ??

So, if they don't do well, then maybe it's our fault for not doing enough??

Do you find yourself saying

'it's your RESPONSIBILITY to practise, I shouldn't be having to tell you, it's down to you, you must get yourself organized to do this every day' ??

I said that, a lot. I was basically saying - oh god, can't you undertake to do this without my constant involvement.

To which ds1 would say, 'but I don't want to play the clarinet'

and then we'd glare at each other, and I'd say something lame like

'but you MUST'

without really knowing why he MUST at all

If your kid has some talent at it, then that is different maybe? I'm impressed by Grade 3. I'd think my dc a genius if we'd ever got that far

Though how you establish they have any talent if they never practise I don't know.

The whole thing is a mystery to me.

If I dissect my rationale it goes like this:

• DS is crap at sport, so he needs another 'team' activity
• he has a genuine musical talent (confirmed by school - not just my view) so it would be a shame to waste it
• he seems to enjoy it, and loves performing etc, but he hates the process of getting there

But he seems so NEEDY about the process... bloody hell - I was going off to the library to get recorder music at his age!

I do wonder about going 'cold turkey' soemtimes and saying I'm not going to nag/remind etc - it's up to you, but I genuinely think he would just not bother.... with anything!

DD (10) does violin, she practises every morning after breakfast 10-20 minutes depending on her mood. Its a routine she started as soon as she started playing so its just like brushing her teeth. Sometimes she wants support, sometimes she needs reminding that practising doesnt just consist of replaying her favourite piece ad infinitum.

100x - yes, I think I'm a bit puritanical about the talent thing - really think he should 'go for it' (as do his teachers).

I did a lot of music at school (Grades 6+ in singing/clarinet & O level) so I suppose I'm a bit biased too!

[nightmare, pushy mother icon]