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Bullying - opinions please

14 replies

changeforthebetter · 05/03/2010 10:39

I suspected DD1 was being picked on a bit by a boy whose mum is a sort of friend. The mum is very nice, very sensible, a teacher and what I know about the Dad he is OK too. We've known them for a while and the little boy has always been a bit boisterous and the mum often mentions this. Now he is pushing DD and calling her names at school. Another mum has told me that her DD told her this little boy is picking on DD. Obviously, I am going to raise it with the school and also use some of the online resources for starting to develop DD's assertiveness skills when faced with bullies. She is not a wallflower but her confidence is low since her Dad walked out on us last month

So far, so good. But what if anything do I say to the mum of the little boy? Do I raise it or leave it for the school to handle? She is a great mum as far as I can see and he is behaving like a typical 5 year old i.e. he is not the devil incarnate! Have you had a DC bullied at school by a friend's child and did you raise it or were you approached by someone who said your child was bullying theirs? What did you do.

OP posts:
CaitlinMeringue · 05/03/2010 10:44

please don't mention to the Mum

report your concerns to school and then let teacher deal with it

good luck

I am sorry that you are having a shit time at the moment

claig · 05/03/2010 10:51

I think I would mention it to the mum. I am sure she will understand and have a word with her son. If you don't mention it to her, it will come as a big shock to her when the school let her know. She will be disappointed that you never mentioned it to her. I would tell her that another mum mentioned it to you.

FernieB · 05/03/2010 11:46

I'm with claig - just have a quiet word with the mum. She's a teacher, so she'll have seen it all before and you say she is aware her son is a bit boisterous. She would probably prefer you to mention it to her so she can speak to her son. Pick your words carefully though.

I've been in a similar situation with my DD being bullied by a 'friend' - the other mum and I dealt with it ourselves in the end as the school were useless.

littlemisschatalot · 05/03/2010 16:47

this happened to us...i say let the school deal with it. in our case we were in the park..her ds was throwing stones at my dd. instead of asking her ds to stop, i pointed it out and asked her to stop him from hurting dd.she was really "off" about it, and 2 years on we havnt spoken really.

Jux · 05/03/2010 17:05

I would mention it to the mum as she is a friend of sorts. If you can introduce it into a school gate type of conversation, and stay relaxed and non-confrontational.

If you can't and think you might get cross then don't speak to her.

I would much rather a mum I knew came to me first and had an informal chat if dd were doing something like this, than go straight to the school.

Ripeberry · 05/03/2010 17:08

Best to deal with the school. My 7yr was getting 'stamped on' by a boy in her class, but he only did it when she was by herself.
I told her to shout realy loud next time he did it and this did the trick as the teacher came out into the hall and he has not done it since.

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/03/2010 17:14

I would not mention it to the mother. Let the school deal with it. My DD was being bullied by the daughter of a good friend of mine, but I did not want the families to fall out, which can easily happen so I got the school to deal with it, which they did.

I'm sure she knows what went on, but we have never mentioned it and are still friends.

changeforthebetter · 06/03/2010 14:02

Thanks for the replies. I have spoken to her teacher. As it's the weekend nothing will happen. They are going to move them out of the same group and monitor the situation. Not sure if they are going to speak to his parents yet. I think I will leave it for now. When in doubt keep quiet and all that

OP posts:
changeforthebetter · 06/03/2010 14:04

BTW I didn't intend to berate the mum - far from it. She is a nice person who happens to have an ummm overactive little boy. I wanted to give her a bit of advance notice but I think the school are better handling it really.

OP posts:
follygirl · 08/03/2010 18:25

Personally I wouldn't mention it to the Mum. I had a similar issue and thought it only reasonable to discuss it with the Mum. Basically her dd was telling my dd that she wasn't allowed to play with other children. I took the Mum to one side and just asked her to have a quiet word with her dd so that she would allow my dd to play with others. Well the brown stuff truly hit the fan. The father phoned the school, interrogated other girls who had told me that this child was being possessive and all in all it got quite ugly.
From now on, I will only discuss issues with the school. Sadly this child had caused problems for another girl but we were made to feel by the parents as if we were being unreasonable.
Of course, your friend may be more reasonable!

follygirl · 08/03/2010 18:34

Oops, didn't read the messages properly and see that you have dealt with it already.

mollie1968 · 08/03/2010 20:22

sorry to hear you are not having a good time at the moment I note that you have already sorted with school but did you find any assertivness stuff on line that you could recommend? would be grateful as running out of ideas with DD.

MrsSantos · 12/03/2010 10:53

Yes, there is something http://www.kidpower.org/who-we-serve/how-to-stop-bullying.html?gclid=CLCIrPuEs6ACFdkB4wodRWGpUA here I thought was quite good. I also try to do a lot of bolstering DD's general view of herself at home, positive parenting sort of thing (which I don't find easy and often fail at as I am overworked, over tired, grumpy and generally hacked off with life at the moment ).

MrsSantos · 12/03/2010 10:54

sorry here (crap at links today too )

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